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Is Putting Down Roots Supposed to Feel Like This?
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Old 10-09-2016, 06:13 AM
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jackfaire jackfaire is offline
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Default Is Putting Down Roots Supposed to Feel Like This?

So here's the thing I grew up "knowing" that everywhere I live was temporary. For the first 6 years of my life we moved a lot as my dad changed jobs and addresses like hats trying to keep up with work. I think when I was 11 and my dad graduated University and we had been in our house for a few years I started to go "okay so we are done moving now we are all good?"

Then come the year I turned 14 and suddenly it was "oh by the way we are moving again" This time I knew that the next house was only going to be my home for four years. I even switched bedrooms once during that time when my older brother moved out and for the last two years of high school I finally had my own bedroom.

After that I moved in with my girlfriend, then her brother, then her mom, then Army Barracks, then our apartment, then mobile home, then my mom's house, then my apartment, then my mom's duplex, and finally this house that I am one of the three leaseholders on.

In short I have moved a lot and moving is kind of a natural state for me. I have lived in 5 different states in my life and an unknown number of cities. Seriously some of them were when I was young and even my mom doesn't remember them all.

I have lived in this city for 2 years as of next month. I mostly hang out in my room when not cleaning the house or running errands. I work on my book, read books, fan fiction, watch tv, movies etc. For exercise I walk the trail that circles my entire neighborhood.

Yesterday I finally found a job. It's here in town and even if it's not a great wage it's still great hours. And the commute is half what I am used to. In the 2 years I have been here if I go to socialize or hang out it's back in the city I moved from which is about 45 minutes south by shuttle bus.

So today I got the things I need for work supplies to make bagged lunches. Then i ran over to the Bus Depot and bought a bus pass. I gave them my name they wrote it on the back of the pass and then laminated it. As I walked back to my stepdad's truck I found myself staring at the bus pass and I realized.

I live here now. I have a job here. I have a home here. I have no plans to leave anytime soon. I mean yeah if the writing takes off and I become the next NY Times Best Seller sure. But for right now as things stand there is no reason for me to leave.

I can no go anywhere in this city, meet friends, get to know people and put down roots. It's odd. It's oddly intense. I have never been in this situation before. I have always known I was going to move I was going to leave. I have no reason to leave now. I have no other place to go. Sure there are trips I want to take but no reason to move to the places I want to travel to.

So is this what it feels like being "settled" It's calming and yet also unnerving in a way. I can still hang out with all of my friends local and not local but I live here now.

Holy shit I live here now.
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