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My dying swan freaking housemate
Old 10-02-2018, 09:47 AM
Blue Ginger Blue Ginger is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Land of Oz
Posts: 90
Default My dying swan freaking housemate

Warning: swearing all the swearing ahead.

I am ready to fucking explode. I have nearly hit the point of kicking her out and not having anyone lined up.

She moved in Sept 2015, so she is not new. But she had never lived out of home before and her parents fucking failed to teach her any kind of cleaning habits. At the age of 25 she had never learnt how to clean a fucking toilet. Had never mopped a floor. How can you reach that point and not know how to use a mother fucking mop? Water and cleaning stuff goes in the bucket. Dip in mop, squeeze it, move it around the floor. Repeat until clean. Tip out bucket, squeeze out mop and wait for the floor to dry. I had to fucking teach her that too. For fuck's sake. AAARTRRRGGGHHHHHH. Seriously all the AAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Start of Sept, I was away for a week at parent's place and I left her a basic list of what needed to be done. Vacuum, clean bathroom sink, toilet and clean off the dining table. Not fucking hard. She couldn't even do that. She never did the toilet. Couldn't remember how. I have shown her once and then supervised her twice. It's not mother fucking rocket surgery. Put cleaning product around bowl, swishing the brush up down and around, flush loo. Not fucking hard.

I am not currently working (signed off until Jan '19 due to cPTSD + depression), so I have been doing things as I go. One or two things each day when I need to feel like I achieved something, anything in the day. She works part time (5 hrs a day 4 days a week) and has 2 uni classes at the moment. It feels like she thinks the cleaning fairies just do everything. Even when I was working full time and she wasn't working (didn't know she had no job when she moved in. She lied and said she was starting a new one in a month. 7 months later she finally started working.) she still did next to no cleaning.

I was in London for 5 weeks in 2016. In 5 weeks, she vacuumed. That's it. All the cleaning she did. Killed my plants through lack of water, but hey she vacuumed. Probably in the days before I got home, but she vacuumed. Didn't clean the shower, sink, toilet or anything like that though. It was fucking disgusting. 5 weeks of it not being done. 5 MOTHER FUCKING GOD DAMN FUCKING weeks. 5 of them. 35 days. I've seen cleaner porta-loos after an all day concert.

And then, she was doing the dishes when I got home. There were at least 4-5 days worth of dishes. I ended up staying a night at my sister's place after my flights so I could pick up my car the next day and be awake enough to drive the 30 mins home. If I hadn't, my welcome home would have been that pigsty of a bathroom, full bins and a kitchen full of dirty dishes. Great welcome home. And I know the bins would have been full because she had only just emptied them but hadn't taken the bags down to the dump bins.

So today's straw was me snapping after it being a week since she dropped and smashed on of my pyrex dishes. Anyone who has pyrex knows that it shatters when it breaks. Shards go everywhere like glitter's evil fucking cousin. So you vacuum, vacuum and vacuum again. And if you think it's all gone, you vacuum again especially when it is anywhere near carpet. Our kitchen is tiny, so bits bounced and went onto the carpet. She stood there in the middle of the fucking kitchen wringing her hands and going 'oh god oh god oh god' like a damsel in fucking distress from a cheap romance. So I grab some newspaper (that seems to breed because she only buys one a week but leaves it on the table for months) and put it down in a clear-ish area for her to start picking up pieces. Then she's all 'I need to leave for class in 15 minutes'. It SHOULD take 5 minutes to pick up all the bits and do the first vacuum. But she has just spent 1 hour doing 2 days of dishes (minus a dinner lot). So guess who has to vacuum because I don't want bits of pyrex to be walked into the carpet? And I tell her she needs to vacuum the whole apartment the next morning BEFORE WORK, empty the vacuum into newspaper (because, hello, pyrex), wrap it up then take the whole garbage bag down.

She actually vacuumed and took the garbage down, but only did the kitchen tile area. Didn't vacuum the carpet. Even after I told her twice that she needed to do everywhere just in case any was on her shoes and walked into the carpet. After I explained that pyrex is like MOTHER FUCKING CRAFT HEPRES glitter.

I'm ready to kill her. Or in the very least send her back to her parents to deal with. They created this dying fucking swan, they should have to deal with her.

Another little thing that's pissing me off is she is a hugger. I am NOT. I hate people touching me, invading my bubble. See above cPTSD diagnoses from years of bullying. I have trust issues. Big massive fuck off trust issues. Indian ocean sized trust issues. Only people I like hugs from are my immediate family (mostly mum), Gran and my nephew. That's it. Even my friends know that I have to be pretty upset to want a hug from them. It's only been the last 6ish years that I have started doing hello/goodbye hugs with 2 of my friends I've known for 15 years. (Shit, where did that time go?)

She is not coping with school/work because she has been coddled her whole life. She was put on antidepressants 6-8 weeks ago and now all she wants is hugs. She goes to dinner at her parent's place every Friday night. She can get all her hugs there. I'm not her emotional support animal. I DON'T WANT HUGS. Accept my fucking boundaries.

TLDR: I'm loosing my cool. Help me do a chore frequency roster so I can staple it to her fucking head.

And if any smart person has an idea of how to do parent controls limiting internet usage during certain hours, I am so fucking tempted. If I have to listen to one more 'I'm so late' after she has spent 4 hours doing fuck all on her tablet, there maybe reports of a homicide.
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Old 10-02-2018, 10:46 AM
Blue Ginger Blue Ginger is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Land of Oz
Posts: 90

And another thing: I'm not your fucking mum. I should have to tell you to get off your fucking tablet and make yourself dinner so I don't have to hear you whining about 'I forgot to eat'. You're 2-fucking-8 years old. If you can't remember to feed yourself, it's your own fucking fault.

And learn to set a MOTHER FUCKING GOD DAMN alarm. Again, I'm not your mum. It's your own fault that you slept in for the what-fucking-ever-number-we-are-bloody-up-to time. I'm sick of hearing about it. Stop bitching and whining and wanting me to solve your problems when you don't want to change what you are doing.

I don't want fucking kids for a reason. Responsibility for another living thing is too much for me. You are 2-fucking-8. Grown the hell up.

PS: I have apologised to my mum so often lately for the rough 3-4 years when I was a whiny teen. I asked her how she didn't kill me and she said it's because I was really cute when I was asleep and she figured it would only last a few years any way.
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Old 10-02-2018, 02:29 PM
telecom_goddess's Avatar
telecom_goddess telecom_goddess is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Portland OR
Posts: 1,382

Oh my god I don't know how you haven't killed her yet. I would SOOOOOO hate dealing with that crap. As it was I've had to deal with filthy roommates and partners before who had no damn sense on what needed to be done. I'm lucky I have partners now that are great. They empty the garbage when it needs it, take out the recycling, vacuum a couple times a week, run and empty the dishwasher, and hand wash dishes. I just have laundry, bathrooms and the floors to do, and I am shameful in how badly I keep up compared to them.
Great YouTube channel check it out!
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Old 10-09-2018, 02:42 PM
mjr mjr is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,279

Originally Posted by Blue Ginger View Post
TLDR: I'm loosing my cool. Help me do a chore frequency roster so I can staple it to her fucking head.

And if any smart person has an idea of how to do parent controls limiting internet usage during certain hours, I am so fucking tempted. If I have to listen to one more 'I'm so late' after she has spent 4 hours doing fuck all on her tablet, there maybe reports of a homicide.
Here's an article that might help as far as restricting Internet access:


Of course, I do believe most of those cost money, but it might be worth it to you because some of them seem to have features where you can restrict by time and by user (i.e. you can only use it between 1 and 3 PM) or (I think) a set period of time per day.

Also, as far as scheduling chores goes, have you considered a "personal Kanban" system for your roommate? It's visual, so that might be helpful.


Basically, you set up a board (a whiteboard or whatever), and you can simply divide it into 3 columns: "To Do", "In Progress", "Complete" (or "Done").

Just get sticky notes, and write the task on the note (i.e. "Vacuum Living Room") and write the name of the person who is supposed to do it on the note.

So your card might say "Vacuum Living Room -- Blue Ginger", and your roomate's card might say, "Wash Dishes -- Sally" (name made up).

It's incremental change, so it might be beneficial to try.

Last edited by mjr; 10-10-2018 at 04:06 PM.
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