My fiance is one of those who thinks other guys can't be rapists

[catcul]

Cross-post from Customers Suck.

Originally Posted by depechemodefan

I think he subscribes to the idea of "I'm a guy who sticks his dick in women. I read about a guy who stuck his dick in a woman and now he is accused of rape. What if I stick my dick in a woman and she accuses me of rape?"

One example of my fiance thinking "it is not rape" is Vanessa Guillen, who was a soldier in Fort Hood, Tx, who was allegedly sexually assaulted and killed by another soldier. Allegedly they had an affair, though proably just the murderer (or friends of the murdered, forget how it was brought up) just blaming the victim. First my fiance seems sympathetic with the victim, but then says (paraphrasing) "they probably had an affair, he didn't rape her."

Or the case of Dodgson. Cameron Thor played Dodgson in Jurrassic Park. He had a few other bit parts, but with his wife they ran an acting school. In 2009 he engaged in lewd behavior with a 13 year old. Of course, my fiance was disgusted, then he starts to say, "sometimes these guys don't know they are with an underage girl. Some girls look older." I had to explain that he knew the girl's age, or at least should have since he was giving her acting classes. The guy was found guilty "to the single charge of sexual misconduct with a minor." But he was giving time off for good behavior. And a person found with a crack pipe probably did more time than this guy.

He will make fun of Weinstein and Epstein, but he will say the woman were probably not raped.

So anytime a rape case comes up he defends the rapist. Yes, I try to explain to him that he's a dick for thinking the woman's lying. Yes, I do believe there are cases where the woman is lying but I'm not part of a jury so I can't judge, and even a lot of times the jury is wrong and let rapist free. But it's all the time. Sometimes I tell him he would feel different if he ever had a sister. I'm assuming he is afraid of being accused of rape. Like say, previous girlfriend might say, "that one time wasn't consensual so I'm going to press charges 20 years after the fact."

I'm annoyed greatly by this prevalent view that rape victims lie to get men in trouble. I think all these woman who were sexually assulted in Fort Hood are telling the truth. I think anyone who says they sexually assulted anywhere is telling the truth. I think all of Harvey Weinstein, Jefrey Epstein Donald Trump accussers are telling the truth.

[catcul]

I don't agree with a lot from this post.

Men can absolutely can rape women just like men can raped men, women can rape men, and women can rape women. If someone makes unwanted sexual on another person, they should be punished.

However, I also don't agree with the "believe all women" attitude, either. Crystal Gail Mangum is a good counterexample that. As with all other crimes, rape should be looked at by "innocent until proven guilty.

[Gravekeeper]

Instances of false rape allegations are minuscule.

imo, anyone that worries *that* much about a false rape allegation has either done something that blurred the line of consent they're worried about and/or is a misogynist on some level. The only places on the internet where the idea of false rape allegations are widespread are very dark places.

[depechemodefan]

I just hate the instances where people wish women won't say anything because it makes things inconvenient. I would like to think I would listen to all the evidence to make a decision.

But I suppose my complaint is on my fiance. I'm trying to figure out his reasoning.
Also, he says, "why didn't the woman say something before?" Like in the cases of Bill Cosby or Weinstein. It just annoys me.

Then there is the time he was in the army in Germany in the late 80's. He went to whores. He tell me they were really beautiful, like models. I really don't mind women selling their bodies if that is what they want. But latter on, reading about Russian and Ukrainian women being duped into forced prostitution. I feel like telling him about that but I doubt he would believe me or anything I show him. I will admit it could be women in Germany who were willing prostitutes, but I would believe it if they were sold into slavery.

[kibbles]

I don't agree with your fiance and I totally understand your frustration. But in saying that, I absolutely detest the saying "all victims should be believed"....ummmm...so we are doing away with the whole "innocent until proven guilty" premise or what? I think and believe everyone has the right to have their claims fully and impartially investigated to the fullest extent...not just to simply be believed.

[jackfaire]

Originally Posted by kibbles

"all victims should be believed".

I think the problem comes is that this saying is boiled down to just the saying and the nuance is being removed. The nuance is that typically the victims are not believed, are treated like criminals themselves, no investigations are done except to scare them into going away. Believing the victims doesn't mean the guy doesn't pass go and heads straight to jail.

It means they get treated like the alleged victim of a crime, the crime is investigated, and they aren't attacked for daring to say something. The saying is a response to the fact that the opposite is usually true. That excuses are made to explain to the Rape Victim why it's their fault they were raped.

If I came in to a police station and said someone robbed my house they wouldn't ask me "Well did you park an expensive car in the driveway? Weren't you kind of asking for it with that nice TV? If you didn't want to be robbed you shouldn't make your house look so nice"

That's what "believe the victims" is supposed to mean. They would take me seriously gather evidence, investigate and only if the evidence showed I burgled my own home would they then treat me like the criminal in the case.