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Remove "No" from Your Vocabulary
  #1  
Old 02-28-2020, 11:45 AM
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Thumbs down Remove "No" from Your Vocabulary

A mother in Laketown, UT, is fighting a rule in her daughter's middle school that bans their students from saying "no" to anyone who asks them to dance. A boy asked her to dance during a Valentine's Day dance and she turned him down. However, the principal told her to dance with this boy.

School policy forbids kids from saying 'no' when asked to dance
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Old 02-28-2020, 09:34 PM
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Would the principal prefer the girl tell him to "fuck off?"
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Old 03-04-2020, 07:06 PM
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I agree with the mother. If the boy creeps the girl out, she should not have to dance with him. I hope the mother can get things changed here.
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Old 03-24-2020, 10:03 PM
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That is appalling. I'm sorry for the boys who are turned down, but that's life. The thing the girls SHOULD be told is to say "No" nicely (unless the boy becomes a PITA about it).

But can't say "no"? Nope.
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Old 03-26-2020, 08:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Pixelated View Post
That is appalling. I'm sorry for the boys who are turned down, but that's life. The thing the girls SHOULD be told is to say "No" nicely (unless the boy becomes a PITA about it).

But can't say "no"? Nope.
No. For the love of god no. We need to stop teaching girls to say no "nicely" every girl that told me no "nicely" ended up leading me on until I got enough personal experience to realize that "I'm just not in a good place to date," "I don't want to ruin our friendship" "if we dated it would be forever and I'm not ready for that"

While sounding nice also don't sound like No.

I wasted years chasing after girls that were "nice about it" but never actually clear about it. Because a clear concise, "No I don't want to date you" isn't nice. it won't feel nice it kind of sucks really but in the long run it's bloody freeing.

Boys should be raised to be able to handle disappointment and rejection. They should be able to hear "this is never going to happen" and not fall to pieces and not bad mouth the other person.

There isn't a nice way to reject a person because rejection hurts. So let's teach girls to reject the boys they don't want and boys how to accept it with grace and class.
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Old 03-26-2020, 03:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jackfaire View Post
We need to stop teaching girls to say no "nicely" every girl that told me no "nicely" ended up leading me on until I got enough personal experience to realize that "I'm just not in a good place to date," "I don't want to ruin our friendship" "if we dated it would be forever and I'm not ready for that"
There's a difference between a firm but polite "no", and leading someone on.
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  #7  
Old 03-31-2020, 07:06 AM
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There's a difference between a firm but polite "no", and leading someone on.
Exactly! But we teach them to say shit like "I'm just not looking to date right now" "I'm not ready for us" etc any number of responses that lacking experience sound like "Not right this second but of course at some point"

The problem is there isn't exactly classes in dating and if like me you didn't date until you were 19 and your romantic life has been littered with failure and rejection then you don't have the knowledge and the skills to understand what people are saying when they won't speak plainly.

Couching no in phrases that are deemed "polite but firm nos" don't work if the nos aren't clear.
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Old 04-05-2020, 09:49 PM
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Something like this feels like it comes from the same place as "everyone gets a trophy", only instead of a meaningless bit of plastic you're forcing people to interact with people they don't want to.

When I was a kid I used to have strong feelings about this stuff, but the reality is I feel like adolescence and to an extent the 20's are such a complete exception to how life actually works that it's just something you can't fix.

Our hormones and our quest for individuality and actualization at that age can and often will run directly against the "fairness" most people think they have and the wisdom they'll eventually get. Women will always have the advantage of maturing faster in terms of brain formation with greater opportunity disproportionate to the rest of their lives and men will always be a mix of relatively successful men and a group of have not's and relatively inexperienced.

It's probably far safer, and far better to work on counseling the boys on realistic expectations and dealing with rejection. There's not much on this front you can do for young women though because ultimately everything you could comes across as either denying choice or imparting "wisdom" about who to date that's always anecdotal.

In reality, we know attractiveness is treated as trustworthiness so many rules of thumb you could come up with will flat out fail. "Creepy" is a result of revulsion, not a radar. Kind is the result of social interaction, not intent.
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Old 09-15-2020, 02:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MadMike View Post
There's a difference between a firm but polite "no", and leading someone on.
" ... a firm but polite 'No.'" That was the point I was trying to make. Obviously I didn't do a good job of it.
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Old 09-23-2020, 05:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by D_Yeti_Esquire View Post

In reality, we know attractiveness is treated as trustworthiness so many rules of thumb you could come up with will flat out fail. "Creepy" is a result of revulsion, not a radar. Kind is the result of social interaction, not intent.
Reminds me of the one time I went to the bar with some co-workers. I saw one get hit on by an unattractive guy who basically just said, "Hi" had a conversation with her and then at some point went, "Hey I've enjoyed chatting wanna chat some more over coffee or something" and she turned him down but as soon as he was gone she was all "What a creep"

Yet another guy came up later much better looking who gave her some line along the lines of "nice shoes wanna fuck" and while she turned him down as well she was so much happier about being hit on by "such a nice guy"

I honestly hope she's an exception, personally I'm single a lot and only tend to date friends I've made not much for picking up random strangers, but it was bloody scary.
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