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I just don't understand kids...

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  • I just don't understand kids...

    I realize they may be young. I realize a million little psych and other things that can come into play. What I don't get is this: You give a kid an order. It may be "Please be quiet" or "STOP HITTING THE CAT WITH THE SPATULA!!" This person, however young, has learned the english language and is able to comprehend speech. There's no mental or emotional problems. He's not deaf. There is no reason he cannot process the information in the sentence "Put the steak knife down." You can even throw in a consequence! "Put the steak knife down or I will punish you."

    And even that doesn't work. What is wrong here? One could argue I'm not asking the right way, but fuck that. Kids are supposed to do as they are told, and that's that. And even if that's the wrong attitude, the fact is that it was put in very simple terms. "Do X, or Y will happen." I don't use big words or ramble or babble or anything. It's really friggin simple. Yet I might as well be talking to a brick wall. Even after the punishment has been dealt, they're right back at it. Did we not learn anything? What is so friggin difficult here? I'm not asking him to solve an algebra problem or even to deal with a majorly important thing. "Do X/Stop X, or Y will happen."

    Why does it have to be so hard!?!??

  • #2
    I recommend that you watch Bill Cosby and his spiel about how kids are brain damaged. It's pretty funny.

    In all reality though, kids do like to push boundaries. They do comprehend what you are saying. They do understand. It's just them pushing boundaries.

    And nobody say that they never did that as a child. Everybody has.
    "It's after Jeopardy, so it is my bed time."- Me when someone made a joke about how "old" I am.

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    • #3
      Also don't forget a lot of adults will act exactly the same way.

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      • #4
        Not knowing the age of child in question but, children have the capacity to understand what is being said, but haven't yet got to the point of understanding cause and effect, it's why kids do dumb things.
        I am a sexy shoeless god of war!
        Minus the sexy and I'm wearing shoes.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by DrFaroohk View Post
          "Do X, or Y will happen." I don't use big words or ramble or babble or anything. It's really friggin simple. Yet I might as well be talking to a brick wall.
          Do you always do "Y" when they are doing "X"? As in, 100% of the time, your threats of punishment are fulfilled if they continue X behaviour? Because 99% of the time doesn't cut it. Kids have selective memories. They tend to remember the one time they got away with it, not the 99 times they didn't.

          The only other thing I can think of is that your punishments are too lax. If hitting the cat with a spatula is "+10 Fun", and your punishment is only "-9 Fun".... well, you do the math. Hitting the cat and then taking the punishment still nets them +1 Fun.

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          • #6
            There's also the escalation factor. He does bad thing, I say stop. He doesn't stop. So he gets a timeout. Immediately upon leaving timeout he does it again. Ok, DOUBLE TIMEOUT! WOOOOOOOOO! Immediately upon leaving that, he does it again. Ok, take away a toy or privilege. He does it again. Take away another toy or privilege. It just goes back and forth and its a pissing contest. 20 years ago, the pissing contest would have ended with whoever can hit harder. Usually the parent. Today, that's not possible, and so ultimately, he'll win every time. No matter what I do, he can always take it a step further.

            I never understood what was so bad about more severe punishments. Even crazy ones. I wouldn't do them because they are illegal, but lets say you're a sick bastard who makes his kid take a cold shower when he misbehaves. So? You flat out told him - don't steal my vicodin or I'll make you take a cold shower. He stole the vicodin, so what's the big surprise? He new that stealing my vicodin = cold assed shower. It's not like it was just a random cold shower for no reason. He was made aware of the consequences. Don't steal my vikes!!!!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by McDreidel09 View Post
              ...
              And nobody say that they never did that as a child. Everybody has.
              And that's why you should never use absolutes when discussing human behavior.
              As a small child, I looked for boundries, but never pushed them. I made many odd mistakes, but never the same one twice.
              As a teen, I suffered depression, so playing mind games with my parents was not an issue.

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              • #8
                As a child, I think when my parents said "Don't do X, or I will do Y," I heard "Don't GET CAUGHT doing X, or I will do Y." I was always looking for a loophole, a workaround for the rules of the house. I mean, there HAD to be a way of getting X without Y!

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                • #9
                  When I was a kid I remember having that epiphany moment of, "Woah they can't actually do anything to me nothing they do actually does anything longterm" After I realized that I started behaving properly because I realized that there wasn't anything they could truly do to me, short of killing me, so it stopped being fun to push their buttons.
                  Jack Faire
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                  • #10
                    Maybe you were secretly worried about that option "b"... lol

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by jackfaire View Post
                      When I was a kid I remember having that epiphany moment of, "Woah they can't actually do anything to me nothing they do actually does anything longterm" After I realized that I started behaving properly because I realized that there wasn't anything they could truly do to me, short of killing me, so it stopped being fun to push their buttons.
                      I have a very high pain threshold. Spankings meant nothing to me. What terrified me was that look of disappointment in my father's eyes.

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                      • #12
                        I agree with Flyndaran about the real punishment being losing the approval of your parents.

                        I was never grounded, never made to have time-outs, and was only spanked once. All it took was my mom or dad telling me that they were not happy with me and I was not behaving as they expect a member of our family should.

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