Other people who dictate your appearance

[kiwi]

I'm not talking work dress codes but more everyday stuff.

I love my hair dark brown, almost black. I think it makes me look younger, it plays up my pale skin, helps tone down the red tones and I feel sexier, more attractive, just generally better.

My family HATES my hair dark, my BF's Mother also hates it. I never discuss it with them, I try to shut down the conversation as soon as they start on me, I change the subject but they harp back on it again and again.

The BF and my friends all agree it suits me, it looks nice, I take more pride in my appearance when I feel I look good.

But they just can't let it go, the BF's Mother tells me I look "sickly pale" and "terrible" and "washed out" and once she even used the word "awful" until I told her where she could shove her opinion. My own family won't STFU about it either. My Mother actually paid $180 for my hair to be dyed back to blonde for my brothers wedding because she didn't want my dark hair in the photos.
My entire family is blonde, including my new SIL and her family so I was literally going to be the "black sheep" of the family.

They tried everything to convince me including accusing me of trying to steal the spotlight from the bride.... really...really So I did it to keep family peace (also becuase it was my last trip back to NZ and I didn't want to fight with anyone) and now it's back to blackish brown again and LOVELY.

My BF looks best with his hair really short, his Mother freaks out everytime she sees him after a haircut, she gets all pouty and whines about his "beautiful curls"... I have told her to get a grip more than once about it

Why do people think they have the right to dictate how you should look? If I am happy with it, if my partner is happy with it then I think you keep your negative shit to yourself!

Does anyone else get this at all?

[IDrinkaRum]

I get it all the time!

I have very dark brown hair (a shade or two lighter than black). I also have really fair skin.

I prefer this hair color on me. My mother hates it. My in-laws both think I've lost leave of my sense. The color I had was similar, but a little bit brighter in person. I loved loved loved it! Mr. Rum doesn't care what color my hair is (or whether my hair is long or short), as long as I'm happy with it. After all, it's only hair.

Keep telling your BF's Mother where she can stick it. As for everyone else say: "Thank you for your opinion. Now, if you don't mind, I don't want to discuss it. I'm happy and you're obviously not, so let's not dwell."

I've had to use that on my mother. She was put out, but now she'll just say something once and then she'll see me roll my eyes and she'll drop it.

[blas87]

I'm naturally half ginger. I'm porcelain skinned fair, light ash blonde hair with freckles head to toe (funny as I age, the ones on my face are disappearing or fading out) with a natural noticable flush on my cheeks. But, instead of what usually goes with that being blue eyes, I have yellowishbrownishgreenish hazel eyes. If I had a nickel for everyone who saw me without makeup who tried to give me advice about my "rosacia" that I do NOT have, I'd be rich.

I've been there, dyed my hair, bleached my hair. Leaving it alone now, except I do get my hair layered and dye the bottom half of my hair various shades of brown, red, and especially purple. LOVE purple hair. It never lasts long, though.

I also love to experiment with different "looks" with makeup and clothes and whatnot. I have to look extremely plain for my job (well, don't have to, but who wants to come to work at a factory looking fancy?), so when I have some time off, if I'm doing something, I like to play it all up.

I've gotten so many comments about how I should dress more "casual" and boys would like me more if I didn't wear as much makeup (believe me, I wear way less now than I did 5 years ago), boys don't like girls who wear heels......all told to me by guys who never seem to ever have girls hanging on them, so I take their unwanted advice with grains of salt.

[bara]

Bah... I cut my own hair buzzed short, I wear blue jeans, sneakers (velcro at the moment), flannel shirts. I have nver really cared what other people thought.

For the most part I dont care what other people dress like either. I just dont like people to take it to extremes like wearing so little they might as well be naked, or people with excessive chains or piercings. I once counted some one as having 18 differnt piercings in thier face/head.

What gets my goat is when people smell. Not like mild cigarette smell, or perfume smell. Im talking the heavy BO. You all know what I mean. The ones that if you are running a cash register you are leaning as far back as you can without breaking something.

[bara]

I'm naturally half ginger. I'm porcelain skinned fair, light ash blonde hair with freckles head to toe (funny as I age, the ones on my face are disappearing or fading out) with a natural noticable flush on my cheeks.

I also love to experiment with different "looks" with makeup and clothes and whatnot. I have to look extremely plain for my job (well, don't have to, but who wants to come to work at a factory looking fancy?), so when I have some time off, if I'm doing something, I like to play it all up.

I've gotten so many comments about how I should dress more "casual" and boys would like me more if I didn't wear as much makeup (believe me, I wear way less now than I did 5 years ago), boys don't like girls who wear heels......all told to me by guys who never seem to ever have girls hanging on them, so I take their unwanted advice with grains of salt.

You sound like an attractive lady to me. Guys could care less (for the most part I think) what type of shoes you wear. Personally I find a gal more attractive when shes happy. So if you want to dress up and wear heels, more power to you.

No guy I know wants to date a girl that doesnt do herself up from time to time. It makes it easier for us to pay you a compliment .

[anakhouri]

"Really, because I think your hair would look better if it was __________."

I'd give it right back to them. Every time they bring it up, mention something about their appearance that you feel would look better otherwise. I wonder how long before they shit their pie holes?

[blas87]

Thank you for the compliment. As I said, I really don't take that unwanted advice, considering the source it comes from are guys who are by no means babe magnets, and one smells so horrid I can't see how a girl would want to be close to him.

I've been super lazy as of late, and usually on my days off, after the gym or whatever chores or errands I run, it's shower time and time to get in my jammies or something comfy. I really only dress nicely when I'm actually going out and doing something other than going to the store.

I make a lot of comments on some people's atrocious clothing styles, but I have the respect to not tell someone to their face "You should dress like this!" "You should look like this" because it's rude and makes people upset. Not to mention, people are happier in what they are comfortable in. You can't force stuff. And unless someone is refusing to bathe and change clothes, it's not something you need to nitpick at.

[SkullKing]

I get this, I get this very well.

As soon as i get a job that allows for it, I am letting my hair and beard grow.

[KellyHabersham]

I got this sort of thing all the time when I was growing up, although it was mostly regarding my hair length. For whatever reason, my mom felt I looked better in shorter hairstyles, so I was never really "allowed" to keep it as long as I wanted it. (Nothing wrong with having short hair, just that it does NOT look good on me, and I hated people trying to push me into that kind of hairstyle)

[blas87]

My mother's appearance was dictated until she was out of her grandmother's house.

Back in the later 60s, the 70s, and early 80s....you'd be laughed out of school if you dressed the way she had to.

My mom had an "old lady" hairstyle until she was out of the house and able to grow it out and do it her way. My great grandmother, Nanna (most likely the most mentally unstable person to ever exist) was adament that whatever SHE chose for my mom to wear and how she'd look was the style, despite that it was actually popular for old women to wear. Her hair was always a very short perm style.

[AdminAssistant]

Mom completely dictated my appearance. She did my hair until I was in high school, pushed me to wear makeup, bought outrageously expensive clothes that I didn't even want but that she considered stylish. I confronted her about it once, and she started crying, saying that she just wanted me to look good and that I was being mean and ungrateful. She still gives me crap, but I don't have to listen to it nearly as often anymore.

[kiwi]

Mom completely dictated my appearance. She did my hair until I was in high school, pushed me to wear makeup, bought outrageously expensive clothes that I didn't even want but that she considered stylish. I confronted her about it once, and she started crying, saying that she just wanted me to look good and that I was being mean and ungrateful. She still gives me crap, but I don't have to listen to it nearly as often anymore.

My Mother dictated my hair until I was 14 when my grandfather died. I threatened to shave it off to show my mourning so she finally relented control. She was obessed with it. I have VERY thick curly hair and she made me keep it long to my butt. It used to give me the worst headaches and neck pain but she didn't care because it "looked pretty". Even my doctor told her I should have it cut to help and she honestly didn't give a fuck.

She also had a HUGE problem with how I dressed, I have never been stylish. I dress for comfort. I don't care if it looks frumpy or doesn't suit my figure, unless you are taking me out to dinner or I am going to a wedding I will be in a sweater and jeans and skate shoes. My Mother is huge on fashion, she spend hours in boutiques and putting together outfits. She always has to have jewerlly and a handbag and wastes so much money on her "bling". She will wear something that is sooooo uncomfortable but looks great.

She never got my "I have to be comfortable first" outlook towards clothes she used to tell me people would think I was a lesbian if I didn't dress better (WOW thanks.... insult me and lesbians in one foul swoop) or that people would think I was poor or trash and no guy would ever want me.

Now she just leaves me alone and concentrates on herself. Thank god!

[Amanita]

My mom used to make me wear all these stupid hair ornaments to match my outfits, even though I repeatedly protested against it. I told her I didn't like that girly crap, and that some of my classmates were assholes and might try to rip them off of my head, but she didn't listen and foisted the damn things on me anyhow. She also constantly asked what I was wearing in the mornings before school, making me change if she thought I had too much black on, or if there was something else she didn't like.

She wasn't the only one who messed with my hair. The babysitter's daughter treated my hair like one of those barbie doll hairstyling heads, much to my disgust. I was a tomboy for one thing, and had a sensitive scalp, so things like banana clips HURT, dammit. And my classmates wouldn't leave it alone either. I'm surprised I didn't shave it all off, just to make the unwanted touching and boundary violating stop.

[Boozy]

What is it with mothers and their daughters' hair?

I'm the proud daughter of a mother who has always allowed her children to make their own choices about their appearance. Having had many discussions with friends over the years, I've learned how rare this is and how fortunate I am.

I used to have long, blonde curls nearly down to my waist, until I got sick of the clogged shower drains and the three-hour drying time. I've worn it short for ten years now, and get lots of compliments on it. I got almost three feet cut off at once, and was worried about my mother's reaction. She said it looked cute. I was terribly relieved.

[Andara Bledin]

Yeah, it's bizarre how many women get so wrapped up in living vicariously through their daughters. My mom was always of the opinion that we were the ones who had to live with our hair-related decisions, not her.

^-.-^