why I own and train monthly with a firearm

[BlaqueKatt]

I have a stalker.

he sends me up to 14 text messages a day. Telling me he'll be waiting for me when I get home-yes he knows my address-thankfully he does not know where I work-yet.

I have called the police numerous times, they refuse to do anything unless I am actually physically harmed(they claim they can't-as it would be harassing to him). I cannot be granted a restraining order because I don't know his address-only his pre-paid cell phone number-so it can't be served. This man is convinced he is my husband. he tried to list me as his wife on facebook-I responded with "I don't know this person" He's been fixated on me since high school 15 years ago. I don't leave my apartment once I come home from work, as my husband works nights and he's figured out from my husband updating his FB status with "at home/at work"-when I'm home alone(which is every night). My neighbours are constantly propping the security door open so their friends can come in for parties/to visit, as they're too lazy to answer the doorbell.

there have been two murders in this city within 1 mile of where I live, in the past year. I'm terrified of being a third-this man is crazy, and I can't do anything about it-I've exhausted every avenue I can think of.

One victim called 911 from her cell phone while being attacked, you can hear screams and a struggle on the tape of the call-the dispatcher hung up. Then the police tried to cover up the 911 call was ever made-the victim's parents got her last cell phone bill that showed it.



The other murder had two 911 calls made at 9:18pm and 9:34 pm for a fight-police were finally sent after an 11:00 pm call for a dead body.

The son of our police chief is in jail for theft from the museum he worked at.


The police in this town have proven to me that they will not respond when necessary-so I have to protect myself, I hope it doesn't come to that.

[Sylvia727]

Do you have a concealed carry permit? If not, think about getting one. Also, document everything. That way if something does finally happen, you can prove that he has been a threat to you all along. And tell your husband to stop updating facebook with "my wife is home all alone, please attack her".

Good luck!

[daleduke17]

Do you have a concealed carry permit? If not, think about getting one. Also, document everything. That way if something does finally happen, you can prove that he has been a threat to you all along. And tell your husband to stop updating facebook with "my wife is home all alone, please attack her".

Good luck!

Looking at what state the links are from, if they are local to the OP, then there is not a conceal carry permit she can get. Wisconsin and Illinois are still in the stone age with CC. Luckily Illinois is attempting to get out of the stone age and allow citizens to carry concealed.

[blas87]

Thankfully though, Katt, we DO live in a state where you can get a restraining order against a random yoohoo. Thankfully you don't have to be married/in a relationship with the guy for it to be considered a stalker. Why some states are like that, I don't know....there are lots of stalking cases involving a total stranger or someone a person barely knows!

I say be nosy. Dig. Find out his address. You said something about Facebook? Google his name, try to find his address.

Find his address and try for the restraining order again. Because you fear for your life, you may qualify for an ex parte restraining order.

If the cops won't do anything, I dare say take the law into your own hand. He ever dares gain entrance into your apartment, shoot him. In the leg or foot. Then call the cops. They'll come.

[protege]

Thought I should mention this... Restraining orders usually aren't worth the paper they're printed on. Know this first hand...

How, you ask? I've posted about this situation on CS...

My last year of college, I was dating someone, who had a little problem with the asshole she used to date. To sum it up, he got a little possessive, and began to stalk her. Found out later that he'd roughed her up a few times.

Before we started dating, he would actually follow her around campus. Usually, he stayed out of sight. However, if she was in the English department...he'd sit on the wall and watch her through the window. If she talked to anyone, he'd actually call her at home, and harass her about it. Now that I think about it, driving her home that one afternoon might have not been a good idea...but that's beside the point. They'd broken up, but he wasn't quite over it.

Hell, he'd follow us around town when we went out. We'd be sitting in a restaurant, or on one of the park benches...when he'd suddenly show up. Mid-way that year, she'd been forced to move from her mother's (an event in itself...) and into a friend's apartment. He found out where she was living, and would pound on the door at night.

That's when it started getting worse. The phone calls, seeing him near her building, etc. Got so bad, that we'd actually call her friend, tell her to turn off the outside lights...and then I'd use "stealth mode" with the car so he couldn't see it. That is, I'd flip the lights off, kill the engine, and let it roll into the driveway.

By then, she'd taken out a PFA. Didn't work very well. If he did something, there wasn't any way she or I could prove it. By the time the cops showed up, he was long gone. His word against ours.

Also, one of the clauses in the PFA mentioned that she wasn't to have any contact. Below that, she wasn't supposed to go in any store or other place if she knew he was in there. Again, he could always claim that he was there first--the grocery store, for example, was big enough that proving otherwise would be difficult. Also, since he didn't drive, we had no idea where he was!

All of that didn't last too long--I scared the shit out of him one afternoon. He showed up at her mother's, and her mother let him in. Keep in mind that her mother was a "born-again Christian" and was willing to forgive him. Trust me, with that bastard there, it took all I had not to kill him.

Oddly enough, that my desire for revenge was what got rid of him for good! She and I were cleaning up the kitchen after the party...and as we're doing the dishes, I let it slip that if I found out he was hurting her, or found out that he'd hurt her...I'd kill him. As I said the last few words...I took the knife I was holding...and stuck it into the counter

Never had problem with him again after that. Of course it helped that he later got busted for sleeping with a 13-year-old..but that's beside the point. Last I heard, he was in jail, and the now-ex-gf is far away where he can't bug her.

Getting back on topic, these sort of people want a reaction. If you ignore them, they'll keep doing things to get you attention. Any negative reaction only "fuels the fire" so to speak. Proceed with caution.

[Pedersen]

Getting back on topic, these sort of people want a reaction. If you ignore them, they'll keep doing things to get you attention. Any negative reaction only "fuels the fire" so to speak. Proceed with caution.

This is a dangerous generalization to make, protege.

Some want a reaction. Some will go to any lengths required to get that reaction, including violence. Some want to be with the victim. Some want control over the victim. Some want to harm someone, and this particular victim came into their path. Others are just mentally disturbed, and latched onto this person for some reason that only makes sense in their own demented minds.

Telling someone to ignore them and they'll go away will only solve the problem for a very small set of stalkers. The rest? That can make them more dangerous, not less.

For all of these types, professional help should be sought out. And by that, I mean finding mental health professionals and getting (and taking!) their advice, and finding security professionals and getting (and taking!) their advice, too.

[crazylegs]

I can understand your need to train/keep a firearm.

If you are that truely worried about your personal security I would research what other training you can undertake (as in unarmed combat), if you can carry incapticant spray or a baton, in fact any other training that can be used to keep you safe.

[Seshat]

Read Gavin deBecker's "The Gift of Fear".

https://www.gavindebecker.com/books-gof.cfm

Seriously consider moving away from town and not leaving a forwarding address.

Seriously consider moving TO a place with a police department with a reputation for paying attention to stalking issues.

[Amethyst Hunter]

Seriously consider moving away from town and not leaving a forwarding address.

Seriously consider moving TO a place with a police department with a reputation for paying attention to stalking issues.

Only one problem with this: not everybody can afford to just pick up roots and roll on, especially in this sucktacular economy. Moving is expensive even whilst done on the cheap.

And anyway, why should the victim have to move and leave behind an otherwise comfortable life? The stalker is the problem, not the location.

That said, for those that can and want to do it, it is a viable option.

Some want control over the victim.

Check that - they ALL want control over the victim. Only thing that varies is the degree of control (insert themselves back into the victim's life, terrorize them, murder them) exhibited. Stalking at any degree says, "I refuse to let you live your life your way and I'm going to make it all about me." That's why intimate relationships can be particularly prone to stalkers; most people, when they break up with an ex, they go through the normal period of grieving and maybe even some anger, but they eventually are able to move on with their lives. Stalkers refuse to let go.

Some can be safely ignored and will eventually go away; others, you really have to keep an eye on, and some you shouldn't trust any further than you could throw 'em. Each situation is different. Trust your own judgement, or that of someone else that you trust.

BK, I'm very sorry you have to go through this. I really hope nothing bad happens.

[protege]

Telling someone to ignore them and they'll go away will only solve the problem for a very small set of stalkers. The rest? That can make them more dangerous, not less.

I never said to ignore them. What I said, was that if you *do* try to ignore them, it doesn't work. They'll do something worse. To them, any negative reaction they get is worth it. They all want the attention, in other words. Doesn't matter that it's *negative* attention either. It's all about control with them--they all want control over the victim in some form. Whether it's getting the *victim* to change their behavior--even if it's something minor, like taking a different route home. If the victim does that, the stalker has already won.

[Pedersen]

I never said to ignore them.

You're right, you didn't. I went back and re-read what you wrote, and realized that I misread what you stated due to my own experiences with the phrase "If you ignore them".

I apologize.

[protege]

Don't worry about it, Pedersen. It's all good

[Gerrinson]

There was a guy that used to stalk my stepsister. In fact, he was my dad's assistant at work but the police were so slow in responding to the calls about harassment (all of this was pre-anti stalking laws here) that he was always long gone before they showed up. He'd swing by just after the school bus and watch her through the windows. He'd call and hang up if anyone but her answered - but only from pay phones. He had told my dad that he was doing it, but the police wouldn't accept that as evidence.

We tried on numerous occasions to prove the guy was a danger. A gift he gave my dad for Christmas was t-shirt saying 'Kill them all and let God sort them out.' Just the sort of thing you want to get from the guy stalking your stepdaughter.

In the end, the stalking stopped because he came home from work one day and butchered his wife in cold blood. He's now in prison and going to stay there for a long time to come.

That same day, though, my stepsister was at home with only my stepmom. My stepmom had two herniated discs in her back and basically couldn't move. Had he gone there instead of to his own house, it could easily have been the two of them that he killed instead.

That being said, I personally see no reason to treat stalkers as anything but violent crimes looking for a place to happen.

Katt - good on you for exercising your right to bear arms. While you can't get a conceal and carry license, can you carry openly? Buy a nice holster and take it everywhere. Also, check to see what types of firearms you can legally carry if a pistol isn't allowed. Some states have loopholes where you can carry a shotgun or rifle openly but not concealed. Anything like that should have enough oomph to stop the guy should he escalate to violence.

You should also be sure to document everything that he's done and everything that happens from here on out - especially dates, times, durations, etc. In a worst case scenario that results in you having to discharge your firearm you will have evidence to support your decision. And to stave off a potential 'wrongful death' lawsuit by the lunatic's family. Sad that our litigious society is so bad that I can think of that as a likely result in a clear case of self defense.

Anyway, I think I've gone beyond my two cents worth, but there you go.

[Talon]

Don't forget two of your better weapons, which you don't even need permits for:

Eyes and ears.

Also consider the potential hot zones to be attacked: doorways and garages where you might be fumbling for car keys. Bus stops where you wait. Pretty much any transition zone between work/home/garage/fav.hangout. When walking to a doorway or car, always have your keys ready before you arrive. Also keys balled up in a fist will make a decent makeshift weapon.

If you have a cell phone, beware of talking on in while in any of the above areas. You'll be distracted; might as well paint a bulls-eye on your head.

[MadMike]

That being said, I personally see no reason to treat stalkers as anything but violent crimes looking for a place to happen.

Agreed. And maybe it isn't this way everywhere, but around here, they do take the issue of stalking quite seriously, after a certain incident happened. I don't know how well-known the name Laurie Show, but she was a 16-year-old who lived in the Lancaster, PA area, which is about an hour from where I live, who was stalked and subsequently murdered. My grandma, who lives out that way, knew the family. There were stories about the murder, the arrests, and finally the trials in all the local papers. Because of this, the state adopted stronger anti-stalking laws, but of course that came too late to save at least one person.

There was also a TV movie made about the incident, but as with most of those, they completely deviated from the actual events.