Foreign Exchange Family From Hell

[Rageaholic]

I came across this vlog on youtube (it seems to be showing up in a lot of suggestions). She describes her experience as a foreign exchange student in Japan and how some of the families she stayed with weren't so nice. One of the families she stayed with actually kicked her out on the first day. Why? Because she broke some curfew... by 20 minutes. And the reason she broke the curfew was because she got on the wrong train coming home from class. So the family kicked her out, leaving her without a home... in a foreign country... all by herself. (luckily, her father had managed to pull some strings to get her with another family who were more than happy to have her).

And then I did something I usually end up regretting; I read the comments.And according to a good number of them, the family was right to kick her out. A lot of people saying that she’s a spoiled, entitled princess and that the family treating her so harshly was part of their culture (I disagree, people with a stick up their ass are not exclusive to one culture. I know Japan is stricter than the West, but kicking her out for on her first day goes well beyond strict and into cruel territory)

I know youtube comments is one of the last places to look for intelligence, but to me this seems like such an obvious dick move. Apart from a troll or 2, I’d expect most to agree that kicking her over something so petty and out of her control makes them the assholes, not her.

[Tama]

That's youtube comments for you.

I made a remark about how I needed to stop becoming fans of people after they die on a Bowie song and got called the "c" word.

So...yeah. >_>

[s_stabeler]

there's a more basic issue, actually.WTF are they doing even setting a curfew in the first place? These are students, so presumably go to college. That's old enough that a curfew is really not necessary. (If you're worried about them making a racket when they come in, that can be addressed by ASKING that they keep quiet if they're coming in after a certain time. Any other reason I can think of is, frankly, none of the business of a foreign exchange family.

That, and curfews aren't meant to be a weapon to bludgeon someone with anyway. (It's why the old stereotype of a father staying up to make sure his daughter isn't even a minute late back really should stay a fictional stereotype.) being 20 minute late back's pretty reasonable considering a train journey was necessary. (and even when someone is significantly late, the important thing is WHY they were late. the appropriate response to a LONG delay getting back due to train delays is "call me in future when you'll be that late- I was getting worried about you" NOT "How dare you come back later than your curfew"- the curfew is supposed to be about making sure the kid tries to get home at a reasonable time, not about forcing the kid, potentially, to break the laws of physics to get home by a certain time no matter what.

[Aragarthiel]

there's a more basic issue, actually.WTF are they doing even setting a curfew in the first place?

It's possible that the family didn't set the curfew. They might be living in a town that has one, and by her being late, she risked getting them into trouble. That's still no reason to kick her out over a missed train, though.

[Rageaholic]

It's possible that the family didn't set the curfew. They might be living in a town that has one, and by her being late, she risked getting them into trouble. That's still no reason to kick her out over a missed train, though.

I think that could be the case. If that's true, kicking her out makes even less sense. What's going to get them in more trouble, her being out 20 minutes past curfew, or her being left with no place to live?

And I'm really really sick of 'cultural differences' being used as a go to defense for such atrocious and petty behavior. Any culture that treats people so poorly isn't worth shit.

[cindybubbles]

The culture usually isn't the problem; it's the people who use it and abuse it to their advantage that is.

[Mental_Mouse]

My take...

I just watched the video for myself, and also her follow-up Q&A video.

1. When she went to this family, she'd already been to at least one other family, and had also helped host a Japanese exchange student in her own country (presumably talking with them at least a little about conditions there).
2. Based on that, the video she showed (and the little background knowledge I have), the conditions there were not usual even for Japan, and not similar to her other family there. A small room is one thing, but even a small room should have had storage space available for her. (AIUI, storage space is a big thing in Japan, precisely because of often-crowded conditions.)
3. Age of majority in Japan is 20, so there, she was a minor. However, she was also affiliated with the university program instead of the high-school program, and had been told beforehand that students above 18 should not expect a curfew.
4. She does not appear vindictive or entitled in her videos. Apparently, there have not been repercussions for the host, but I'll point out that as she says, "their story was different", and when the program has conflicting statements between a native and a young foreigner, it's natural for them to believe the native first.
5. That said, this had apparently happened at least once before, and I suspect that repeated incidents will shift the balance with the program's staff, eventually.