Abject poverty is sexy

[jackfaire]

Good news everybody I got a job. Woooot *balloons fall down and Bill Clinton goes nuts*

I tell all of my friends and my daughter's guardian letting her know child support payments will be resuming woohoo.

So as I have probably mentioned I live with my folks. One of my female friends said "Okay well now it's time to move into your own place." Quick note the job I just took while it is a fulltime 40 hour a week job it still only pays minimum wage. She doesn't mean time to get roommates my own age either. She means go get my own place where as she herself has experienced means no internet, TV, etc. She knows it means living in abject poverty Where you can't even afford to buy the paint you want to watch dry.

In her opinion no woman will want to date me if I am not "independent" I put that in quotes because I don't think living on a thin mat on the floor in a mostly empty apartment you can't afford to furnish is Independence.

I think sharing a home with other people who pay their share of the rent where you can afford internet and furnishings because you share costs is independence and I genuinely think that in 2016 plenty of women will understand living with others until I make enough money that missing a day of work to illness couldn't land me out on the street.

Am I wrong is she right? Should I be seeking "independence" over comfort?

It's not like I am staying with mommy and daddy and not branching out on my own but to accomplish anything or even improve my situation I need to be able to do more than survive.

[s_stabeler]

I can see it being awkward bringing a date home if you live with your parents- and depending on the house/apartment it can be similar with roommates- but not to the point that living in abject poverty is preferable. It's fairly easy to see the difference between the stereotypical kid living in their parent's basement- which I'm ashamed to admit I used to largely filfil until a couple years ago- and someone who is only dependant on their parents due to financial issues. Particularly where your parents are functionally roommates- in other words, you pay some form of rent for living at home- it doesn't reflect on you to live in the same house as your parents. Hell, for most of human history, it tended to be that kids only moved out of home if either they were second sons, or if they were daughters marrying out- even then, usually moving in with their husbands in his parents home.

In essence, as long as you aren't the stereotypical kid living in his parents' basement, living off his parents, then I wouldn't worry about what said " friend" says. ( for that matter, the fact you have friends shows you are clearly not the stereotypical kid in their parents' basement)

[jackfaire]

In essence, as long as you aren't the stereotypical kid living in his parents' basement, living off his parents, then I wouldn't worry about what said " friend" says. ( for that matter, the fact you have friends shows you are clearly not the stereotypical kid in their parents' basement)

Yeah not even close. This isn't even "still living at home" Until I was 31 I was married, divorced, had my own homes, apartments etc. Then in 2011 rents were rising, all of my expenses were getting more severe and I moved in with my folks. My mom and stepdad at the time were living in a duplex my teenage home the last house my mom and dad bought having been sold off years earlier to support my mom when dad's life insurance ran out. Then the landlord decided to sell and I had to move my folks out so I took all of the money I had been saving for moving out into my own place and moved my folks up here to this town where their disability checks are enough to support them.

For the first year work was really hard to find and then for most of the last year my ID was expired and I didn't know the state had a program to get me a new one. So I couldn't afford to get one which is required to get a job.

The place I am currently living my folks are my roommates in every sense of the word. This isn't their house or my house it's our house and we are all on the lease.

Ultimately they want to move out of here and leave me alone here since this was my first choice for place to live in this town and not theirs.

[protege]

In her opinion no woman will want to date me if I am not "independent" I put that in quotes because I don't think living on a thin mat on the floor in a mostly empty apartment you can't afford to furnish is Independence.

Here's the other side of the coin--suppose you do become "independent" and do live on a thin mat on the floor. Wouldn't it be awkward to bring home a woman to a mostly bare apartment? (I'm not trying to slam you here.) She might find that a bit odd, and run for the hills. There has to be middle ground between "independent" and "comfortable.

When I moved out--at the age of 30--I was in a similar situation. While I had some furniture, it wasn't nearly enough to furnish a small house. All I had was a beat-up recliner, my bed, desk, chair, and a kitchen set that my grandmother had given me. For several months, the house was pretty bare--my second-hand TV sat on milk crates, and one of the bedrooms had books piled everywhere.

While I had a roof over my head and food in the 'fridge, it really wasn't comfortable. For me, sure. My company--sitting on 'borrowed' crates, not so much