What is so bad about the internet?

[DrFaroohk]

A common evening ritual for me and my wife is that we both hop on a computer and do our thing. She gets on facebook, uploads pictures, looks at videos. I get on facebook, play tower defense, and watch videos of stuff. Sometimes we'll show stuff we think is funny to each other.

Well just recently my wife has become upset with this ritual, saying all we do is get online and we don't talk to each other enough. Ok, so what could we be doing instead? Well..we could watch a movie! Sure. Cuz that's totally different.

Or we could both sit on the couch and read books or magazines! Cuz that's way different too. Or we could go to sleep! Sleeping next to one another is a great way to build social status.

Or we could go out and.....or we could go out and....or we could go out and....oh wait we can't go out. So we're stuck inside. So we can read, watch TV, or use the computers. I choose the LEAST BORING of the activities. That seems to be the only difference between the three.

[Boozy]

TV and movies are a bit different than sitting turned away from each other, viewing different websites. Watching a movie together is a shared experience. Even if you don't talk to each other about it during or afterwards, there's a bond that comes from laughing/jumping/crying at the same things at the same time.

If you're looking for a more interactive activity, you should try playing cards! My husband and I play cribbage. We also like Scrabble. There are lots of good games for two.

But it sounds like your wife likes her internet time, too. I think she's probably just feeling a bit disconnected from you. Why don't you try turning off the TV and computer for just 15 minutes a night and chatting with each other about your days? It doesn't have to be for an entire evening. Just a few minutes to reconnect.

[DrFaroohk]

We do that, when we go to bed we usually sit up and chat for a while after we're done everything else.

I just find myself getting bored easily, and I don't understand why boredom=quality time. It sucks that we don't like many of the same TV shows and movies....she likes reality shows. I like Burn Notice. There's not much comparison. So we usually watch a reality show, and I sit there, bored, thinking about how great it'd be to play Guild Wars or check a fratching post.....

We've been through the card thing too, and we've both lost interest in that and a lot of other games.

I think part of it is that I'm a severe internet addict. Like severe. I'm the guy who can definitely say that my life is interfering with my internet and game time. Of course, being consciously aware of this, I try to do most of my internetting at night, after everyone else has gone to sleep, so no one is missing out on time with DrFaroohk. Apparently, that's just not good enough.

[anriana]

Play something online together?

[AFPheonix]

She wants to spend time with YOU. Go do something you guys might like together. It doesn't even have to cost anything, like going for a walk or a drive.

[kiwi]

K and I try to limit our time online, we usually only spend an hour a night online.

We tend to walk for an hour each night though (unless its snowing), and as we are both foodies, we tend to cook most of our food from scratch so cooking takes up at least an hour a night. If nothing else we tend to make stock or sauces, the more time consuming stuff.

We also play board games a lot, we have a running game of monopoly out on a card table at all times. We both do art and craft type things, so we can sit together while he paints war hammer models and I scrapbook or sew or paint.
Its just about finding stuff to do together or similar stuff you can do side by side while you talk to each other about your day or future plans. K and I talk about all the places we want to go and time lines for those trips.

If your bored and theres nothing to do, you can always "get close" if ya know whadda I mean

[DesignFox]

It just sounds to me like your hunny wants to spend some time with you.

Maybe you just need to do something different together.

My sweetie and I will cuddle and watch TV, a movie, read books etc. Sometimes we'll browse the net and share funny photos or jokes.

He has actually gotten me very much into hockey- so we'll often watch games together (he's got my whole household hooked on it, now). And since I'm into the horseback riding thing, he's actually come to take lessons with my instructor when he has the time and spare cash.

It's not so much that we are actually talking at all- it's more that we're sharing space together and hobbies. Me watching hockey and him learning about horses are our ways of understanding each other and taking part in the things that are important to the other.

Going out and taking a walk, going to the boardwalk or going out to dinner or a movie are just ways to get out of the house and show each other that we like the other's company- and not just in private. We also go to hockey games when we can. Again, sharing an experience, sharing time together, showing the other that we can do things together, not just hide in the house.

It seems like THAT'S what she wants from you.

Heck, even go out in the backyard and throw a ball or a frisbee around for a bit if it's nice. It's amazing what such a little thing can do to make a difference in your relationship. Or play a video game you both like. Or a board game...I'm not much of a board game person, but my SO enjoys them, so I'll play just to make him happy. And making him happy makes me feel happy. So it's a win all around.

[Cat]

My bf is a tried and true internet junkie....can I say how much I hate the iPhone (sometimes)?

We don't live together (yet...I'm working in that) and we do spnedout nights IMing each other....whilst surfing the 'net.

When we're together, we do watch movies, hike, (man, I'd love to get him into horseback riding!!), shop, and yes, we'll bother be on diff computers when we get home...it can be relaxing, but we usually aren't on for hours.

Now, that *grrrr* iPhone....when we are out.....that is annoying. (I have gotten revenge my bringing a crossoword book...he is terrible at them, hahaha)

[Wingates_Hellsing]

I think the OP knows that it's spending time together that may be lacking, and has outlined the possibilities they consider to be open to them.

I think a lot of people's dislike of spending time on the internet is the stigma that it's earned itself... my opinion? if you like something, do it. Does that pose a problem with a relationship? Talk it over and work it out.

As much as I hate to say it, this may not be an issue with you two so much as an issue that she has with the situation. Not every problem that occurs in a relationship is to be solved by the relationship or even caused by it.

As I see it, here are some possibilities:
1) You don't spend enough time together
you can
A: try to find a new hobby that both of you may be interested in
or B: make a new effort to meet each other half-way when it comes to your current passtimes.

2) She has an issue with spending time on the internet:
She may see a shrink or otherwise work out this issue with you or herself.
or the two of you may see this as an oppurtunity to cash in on your loving status and 'get closer'.

and 3) you have an issue with 'internet addiction'
Which I think is yet another 'condition' which may be slightly real in some cases but ends up applied where it really shouldn't be, however, you may choose to resolve this 'issue' by finding other things to do.

My thoughts? who said you both had to do the same thing? if she likes to crochet then invite her to do just that right next to you and you can talk etc. or if you like to, assemble and paint wargaming minis (don't knock it till you try it) , feel free to break out the folding table and do so, right beside her while she does whatever.

If that doesn't work it's probably because of a simultaneous want to do your own thing and guilt at spending a lot of time apart... or that you're too close for one or both of you to actually pursue your activity... but that's easy to fix because you can talk to someone so long as they're in the same room as you.

All IMO, and probably a crock of $h17 if only because I'm a relationship-less kid browsing the net instead picking up chicks... soooo *shrug*