Chivalry

[The Shadow]

How do you feel about it?

Do you think it's valuable? Useful?

If you're a man, do you practice it?

If you're a woman do you like it and find it charming, or patronizing and annoying?

As for my own thoughts...

Let me just say that the day I put my good coat or jacket on top of a muddy puddle so a woman can walk over it will be the day I have myself committed to the local asylum!

[AdminAssistant]

To start of with, I'm a girl.

Chivalry is very nice to a certain degree - opening doors and generally being nice. I don't expect, or want, a guy to always be getting up whenever I leave the table, and I'm not going to sit in a car while a guy walks around to let me out.

The guy I'm with now actually blew me away with that kind of stuff...and I realized that I'd been with so many jerks and jackasses that a guy actually being nice and thoughtful seemed odd. He does pay for the lion's share of our dates, but he's in a much better place financially than I am.

So, I think, yes, it's very nice, as long as it's not taken to a ridiculous extreme.

[Amethyst Hunter]

Chivalry is very nice to a certain degree - opening doors and generally being nice.

So, I think, yes, it's very nice, as long as it's not taken to a ridiculous extreme.

I don't see stuff like opening doors as being so much chivalrous as just basic common courtesy (and ftr, I am female). I don't expect, but appreciate, when people - of either sex - hold doors for me, and I will gladly do the same for anybody - of either sex - in return. It's all about manners, which are appealing in *any* person.

[guywithashovel]

I'm a guy (but my screenname should make that obvious).

When I'm going into a building, I'll often hold the door for someone who's coming in or going out at the same time I am regardless of what sex that person is. I think it should be more about courtesy than chivalry. However, I think it's bit over the top for a woman to sit in the car and wait for her guy to come around and open it for her.

[joe hx]

This is why I love double doors that most businesses have anymore - one person holds opens the door, so the other person walks in and holds the next door open for the first person.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I'm a girl. Tho I realise my name and avatar choice makes that difficult... O_o

Anyway, I don't expect men to be doing everything for me, but it's nice sometimes if a guy opens doors for me or offers to pay for a meal, especially if I'm broke at the time. However, I'd hate it if a guy was treating me like a mentally deficient helpless creature who was unable to do anything for herself. -.- There's a happy medium.

And I hold doors open for people if there be need; like for mothers with buggies. It's common courtesy.

[Nyoibo]

I open doors for people, I wait for women to sit first and a bunch of other stuff like that, not because I'm trying too hard, not because I'm being patronizing but because my grandmother taught me my manners and she was from the aristocracy in europe, she was taught the best of the best in manners and passed them on to me, that's how I was brought up.

[SorryIsGoodEnough]

The best boyfriend I ever had requested that I wait for him to come around and open the car door for me. It was just something he wanted to do. He always paid for our dates, waited until I took a bite of my meal before starting his, and was just generally...amazing.

I've had boyfriends since then who did not do as much, and I didn't hold it against them.

But I do like it when men open my doors for me and stuff like that. I think it's irresistibly charming.

[MaggieTheCat]

I think I'm pretty much with the rest of the gals on here. I will hold doors open for anyone if I see someone going in/coming out of the same building as me. I don't expect my husband to open the car door for me, or wait for me to sit at a table before he sits down himself, but I wouldn't mind if he did. He does always hold the door open for me when we go somewhere together, which is sweet and I like it. He does a few other things when we're at home that I guess could be considered chivalrous, like hold his hand out for me if I'm sitting on the floor and about to stand up. He does pay for most of the stuff we do out, too, like dinners and movies, but that's mostly because I don't have steady income right now.

Going too over the top, like putting a jacket down over a puddle or something for a girl, is a bit much, but general courtesy is always appreciated.

[Fashion Lad!]

I'm a man.

I'll hold doors for anyone. It's just the polite thing to do.

I pay for meals. I'll be the one to go get us something to drink. I wait until my lady sits down before I sit down. I've never had a girlfriend or lady wait for me to open their car door while sitting in the car. But I typically open it for them while they get in. I'll give up my umbrella, jacket... they always steal my baseball hats. I don't (can't) cook, but I always offer to clean up. They never decline that...

[powerboy]

I am a guy.

I will open doors for people going in or out. Actually surprised an older couple by running ahead of them and opening the door for them. Getting out of the car, they are on their own. I will unlock and hold the car door open so they can get in. I do that, so I know that nothing is going to happen to them. I do not put my coat down on a puddle. If we are taking a walk, I walk on the outside. If I have a coat on and they are cold, I will give them my coat.

[Peppergirl]

Just chiming in with the majority here. Despite being female, I try to show courtesy to anyone, regardless of sex.

One thing that used to trouble me was when I rode the bus to work and if an elderly psgr (male or female) would get on, and no one would get up to let him/her sit down. My mother raised me better than that. If any disabled/elderly person got on the bus, I always gave up my seat. I used to love the drivers who would berate people for not getting up, particularly because there are certain seats toward the front that had the disclaimer on them that they were for elderly/disabled.

I have instructed my now adult sons that they better not EVER let me catch them not giving up a seat to an elderly/disabled person, or in any similar situation to that.

I think it's important for both sexes to be polite, but for some reason it irks me more when I see the lack of empathy from a male than a female. I know it's not right, but I guess it was the way I was raised.

[Greenday]

Common courtesy I like. Chivalry, some stuff is fine, but others are over the top.

Buying a meal here and there - Nice
Paying for every meal - Over the top, could later lead to issues of "well, I always pay for the meals, so you should do this for me!"
Opening the doors to buildings - Nice
Going ridiculously out of the way to go around the entire car to open the door for someone perfectly able to do it themselves - Over the top
Putting a coat in a puddle - Grow some balls, wtf is that crap?
Pulling up the car when it's raining so the other person doesn't have to run in the rain - Nice, both genders should do it. The person driving should do it.
Pulling the car up when it's really nice outside just so the person doesn't have to tire out their feet from walking 10 feet - Very lame

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Guys, nobody puts their coat over puddles. That is simply a story about Sir Walter Raleigh, who allegedly threw an expensive cloak over a puddle so Queen Elizabeth could avoid muddying her feet. And it's even "allegedly" there.

I've been in the SCA for three decades, even, and even in THAT context I've never seen anyone do this.

No one will think anyone is a Neandertal if they fail to do this.

[the_std]

I might be weird, but I think chivalry is a bit of a sexist term. Common courtesy should apply to all, regardless of gender. Men should not be held to higher levels of it than women just because women used to be "helpless". Nowadays, it strikes me as a guilt trip more than anything.