Chivalry

[BroomJockey]

chivalry was actually seen more as a responsibility the powerful members of society had toward the poor and the innocent.

Also known as noblesse obligé, or "noble's obligation."

[Flyndaran]

Also known as noblesse obligé, or "noble's obligation."

And like all social but not legal obligations more story than fact.

[blas87]

I do appreciate it when guys do nice things for me, but I don't get my hopes up all the time.

Although, I will NOT hold back and will lash out when guys start pulling crap like what my last ex did, and what my current boyfriend used to sometimes do, until he got the wrath of blas for it.

I HATE when you're the one driving, and you're putting your shoes on and getting your keys ready, and the person you're with just blasts out the door, flies down the stairs, and just runs right into the car and gets in. Gets in only to have to WAIT....dumbass....I'm driving. We aren't going anywhere until I get in and turn the car on....what the hell? And no...we weren't late. It was never a dire situation. God that just drives me fucking nuts......ex bf did it when he started losing interest, and the second I noticed current bf doing it, after a few times, I screamed at him and said "I'm not handicapped and I'm not purposely going slow. There's no reason for you to just go flying out the door and make me look like I'm holding up the show and you just sit there waiting for a car that won't turn on until I make it turn on!"

That or reverse the situation...my ex would usually drive....he'd just fly down the stairs and into the car and would turn it on and sit there and wait with this stupid look on his face like I was taking ALL day to get moving....and I wasn't!

I don't know, maybe I'm a bitch but I just think that's SO RUDE....there's "I'll meet you in the car" if you want to get out that damn badly and sit and wait in the car.....instead of flying past me and making a damn race of it to see how fast you can get in there.

Another thing that drives me nuts....I understand over time, couples get comfortable and don't hold hands everywhere anymore, but when a guy just walks several feet ahead of you or makes no attempt to take a smaller stride, that just irritates me. Sometimes I have to get these little legs a pumpin to keep up with average sized people......and even moreso with taller guys.....and they seem to walk so far ahead of me that it doesn't even look like we're together.

Of course, yes, bitchy blas threw a fit about that, too......

Hey, at least I've got one who tries now.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I hate those things, too.

The car thing? The person will end up with a far longer wait than even they anticipated. My husband did that (I guess he thought I was right behind him, he's not usually that annoying) but in all honesty, I thought the guy was in the bathroom and sat down on the sofa, keys in hand, to wait for him. I only went looking for him when it got long enoujgh to be weird. Then when I realized he was in the car, THEN I got irritated.

And sat back down on the sofa.

The fast walker will find I am no longer behind him. This ain't fucking Japan.

[blas87]

Sorry Kink, this natural blonde doesn't understand the "This isn't Japan" part.

I'm sorry if that all came off as really bratty and bitchy. It just brings up memories that make me twitch and titter.....obviously that stuff falls into common courtesy and not really chivalry....but gawd dahum......I can't believe some people think it's ok to act that way.

[BroomJockey]

I screamed at him and said "I'm not handicapped and I'm not purposely going slow. There's no reason for you to just go flying out the door and make me look like I'm holding up the show and you just sit there waiting for a car that won't turn on until I make it turn on!"

Scream at me for that, and we'd be over before you finished the sentence. I fucking hate waiting by the door with my shoes/coat on. I'd rather pull out my fingernails. And I sure as hell ain't gonna sit on the couch with my shoes and coat on. I do, however, rather enjoy waiting in/by the car. It's fun.

This ain't fucking Japan.

Err... wow. Uh...

And the woman says, and I quote, "Well, I know that down here in the south there is a lot of segregation."

<snip>

I mean, seriously? Segregation? I keep trying to think she meant to say some other word, but then I can't imagine what word she could have meant that would have been all that much better.

Pure gold. I couldn't make this stuff up, folks.

"So on Fratching today, I read this post..."

[blas87]

I understand that, BJ, and I also understand that a lot of guys THINK that we ladies take all the time in the world to do anything, but I think it's just rude to go flying out the door. If they would have said "I'll wait in the car", I might have been a little more forgiving.

It's not like I was sitting down, shoe on left foot.....oh there's some mail I forgot to check......shoe halfway on right foot.....oh I forgot to turn the heater down a bit.....shoe back on right foot....oops, not all the way on yet.........oh gee I forgot to shut the fridge!...

It was more like the Amazing Race to get out of my place and into the car....I got into my shoes and grabbed my keys and purse, and in those seconds.....he was just gone and waiting in the car. It's not like I was purposely poking or I'm even that slow. I'm not the type of person to stomp right into my shoes or run off down the stairs.

[Greenday]

This is why I like using my "I'll go get the car warm/cooled down..." approach. No one will fault you for that.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Okay. Fair enough.

Banning segregation happened half a century ago in this county and is law.

Traditional gender roles in Japan are NOT law, and are even now causing some marriages some problems. Some follow them, some don't.

Neither of these statments are opinion.

"This ain't old traditional male-dominated fucking Japan."


BLAS: I was referring to the old Japanese tradition (and other countries have/had this tradition, too) that wives walk behind their husbands in public, not beside them. It designated that the husband was the leader of his family.

For Broomjockey's benefit, I will bring up another example of irritating and outdated cultural quirks: All the women in my family are stunned to see my husband doing dishes. I don't know why they are stunned. This ain't fucking Italy. Hell, it's not even fucking New Jersey.

Happy now?

[Greenday]

Hell, it's not even fucking New Jersey.

Hey, I do my own dishes...

[DesignFox]

The car thing? The person will end up with a far longer wait than even they anticipated. <snip>

The fast walker will find I am no longer behind him. This ain't fucking Japan.

I haven't had anybody do the "fly out the door to the car" thing, but it's safe to say if someone was rude enough not to mention that they'd be waiting for me outside, I'd get pretty miffed. If anybody who I'm traveling with says, "Hey, I'll just be outside waiting for you" I would have no problem.

I'm like you RK. If someone is in a massive hurry and being obnoxious about it, I do everything in super slow motion.

The Japan thing...Sorry if it makes me a bad person, but I LOL'd!

Hey, I do my own dishes...

What, a man? Doing DISHES?! j/k I've known plenty of guys that do their own dishes. Mostly they've been pretty lazy about it, but they do it!

This is why I like using my "I'll go get the car warm/cooled down..." approach. No one will fault you for that.

I like it when a guy does that for me. I don't like being cold!

I also like the basic courteous stuff. I mean, I guess some of it could be considered chivalrous. I like when a guy gets the door for me. I like when I'm all dressed up and the guy helps me into the car and closes the door for me (I actually get kind of irritated when I'm in a long dress and heels and he doesn't. HOWEVER, with my current SO, all I have to do is say, "Hunny, can you please get the door for me, I can't do that AND hold my dress"...and he does it!). I also like when my SO gets protective and walks to the outside or puts me on the inside seat on the train when the scary homeless guy with vomit and boogers in his beard comes wandering around looking for a handout.......

At any rate, if a man is being respectful I'm 100% happy. Not going to complain one bit. I know with my current SO that any chivalrous thing he does is not because he thinks I'm weak and helpless (he knows I'm not, he's witnessed some of my more fiery moments). But, he also acknowledges in certain situations that he's the better..deterrent...or that he can be helpful or whatever.

When I'm not all dressed up and have my arms full, I'll often get the door for him, go around and unlock his car door first, carry things, etc.

It's all about respect.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I know' that's what I'm saying. I don't even care if my husband says something like "hey, can you try to hurry please?" or "how long are you gonna be." no problem with that. I respect straightforward.

What I don't appreciate are attempts to convey wishes or to manipulate me by playing charades with me. Just spit it out, for crying out loud. If you are impatient, ask me to hurry. I'm okay with that.

As for the doing dishes thing, you'd think my husband was an alien from another planet sometimes the way they act. Sheesh. My dad does does quite a bit of housework, too, cuz he retired before my mom did. Absolutley scandalous.

[Boozy]

The stories about people rushing out to the car reminds me of an ex-boyfriend of mine.

We hadn't been together long before we found ourselves at a fast food joint. I was halfway through my fries when I looked up and noticed him taking the last bite of his burger. At which point he wiped his mouth, promptly stood up, and started walking towards the door.

I thought he was going to the bathroom, until I saw him exit the restaurant.

I sat there in stunned silence for at least a minute until I realized what had just happened. He had simply finished his meal and was ready to go. He either didn't care or didn't notice that his date wasn't joining him.

A minute later he came back in and said, "Oh, I thought you had followed me. You still eating?"

That was the last date.

[Greenday]

That was the last date.

Aw, Boozy, I'm so proud of you! Good call not waiting around on his ass.

[blas87]

Thanks for clarifying that, RK. And yes, I'm a bad person too because I LOL'ed at it as well.