rant/advice saught, re:bf's family

[smileyeagle1021]

I had originally thought of posting this in off topic on CS, but I knew it would devolve really quickly. My boyfriend and I are quite serious and it looks like it will be staying that way for a while. My family has been amazingly accepting of it (much to my surprise) and his family for the most part has been accepting. His one sister has had no problem with her daughter knowing that her uncle is gay, hell she has even invited me to her daughter's (my boyfriend's niece) birthday. My boyfriend's parents have been accepting and said they had no problem with their grandchildren knowing about my boyfriend and I. Now though we come to his sister who just gave birth a few weeks ago.
One of the first things she said to me was "I want this kid raised to be a good LDS child and I DON'T want him to be tainted by having a gay uncle. I will NOT be telling him about his uncle, I am asking (boyfriend) to not tell him, and I'm asking you to if he ever asks tell him that you are just an old family friend. When I decide he's old enough to understand then I'll tell him"
I'm not stupid, I know that 'old' enough means indoctrinated enough. Trust me sister, if what you are afraid of is that I will have ill intentions for your son, I aint into that scene, nor would I ever be friends with someone who was... you may however wish to keep him away from the primary teachers, they have a bad rep in this state. Oh, you mean I might influence him away from the LDS faith... well, I can't make any promises there... you know, seeing a person who their leaders are saying is an evil vile person who is anything but may sway him, but I'm not going to be giving him links to mormonnomore.com or exmormon.org or even really discussing that much religion with him at all. Not only that, but if you think that talking about it with her son is difficult at a young age, how does she think it will be easy explaining to her son that she lied about his uncle (her brother) for so long?

[HYHYBT]

Glad you and bf are doing so well... the good thing is, if his nephew was just born a few weeks ago, you have at least a year or two, and people *do* change their minds.

Though part of me says that, once he's old enough to realize what's going on, you should arrange for him to walk in on you kissing. Accidentally, of course.

[Nyoibo]

My boyfriend and I are quite serious and it looks like it will be staying that way for a while. My family has been amazingly accepting of it (much to my surprise) and his family for the most part has been accepting.

Firstly, YAY! and congratulations, when did you get a bf?

Though part of me says that, once he's old enough to realize what's going on, you should arrange for him to walk in on you kissing. Accidentally, of course.

That's evil, dirty and underhanded, I like it.

[MaggieTheCat]

Please correct me if I read this wrong, but I take it your boyfriend has two sisters, one who has a daughter and is cool with her daughter knowing about you and your boyfriend; and another sister who just had a child who had the freak-out? I just want to make sure I didn't mis-read your post.

Anyway, I'm not entirely sure how to handle this. Is it possible for you and your boyfriend to sit down with the sister and explain that you have no ill-intentions (if that's really what she's afraid of) and that you don't feel you should have to hide your relationship and your very way of life?

Oh yeah, and congratulations, too!

[jackfaire]

She does realize her son's cousin is going to tell him right? Kids talk the kid will know his uncle is gay and most likely if this is the mom's attitude about that he will not be LDS for long.

Side note I have never understood the concept of shielding someone from the real world.

[smileyeagle1021]

Though part of me says that, once he's old enough to realize what's going on, you should arrange for him to walk in on you kissing. Accidentally, of course.

of course

Firstly, YAY! and congratulations, when did you get a bf?

That's evil, dirty and underhanded, I like it.

First, early in July, second, I like it too

Please correct me if I read this wrong, but I take it your boyfriend has two sisters, one who has a daughter and is cool with her daughter knowing about you and your boyfriend; and another sister who just had a child who had the freak-out? I just want to make sure I didn't mis-read your post.

that's pretty much it... OK, so he has 3 sisters, but one is infertile... and also a brother who is a bit of a jackass... but, you got the basics right on the main players.

She does realize her son's cousin is going to tell him right? Kids talk the kid will know his uncle is gay and most likely if this is the mom's attitude about that he will not be LDS for long.

Side note I have never understood the concept of shielding someone from the real world.

Yeah, I figure that finding out that you lied to them about one thing is a good way to make the kid doubt everything else you've told them... including of course religion.

[Fryk]

So, Smiley, what happens when the children who ARE allowed to know about you start talking to the child who ISN'T? I think playground rules will settle this problem for you.

[Pedersen]

My advice, for all that it's worth: Don't put your bf in the middle. You want people to know who you are because you're not ashamed of yourself, and that's wonderful. Not everybody agrees with that, though.

If you force the issue, then you create a point of stress for your bf, because his sister will do everything she can to make his life uncomfortable around her. If he wants to be able to be with his family, then having that issue forced is going to force him to be in a "choose the bf or choose the family" situation.

Speaking as someone in the middle of such a situation, I dread Christmas every year. My wife won't go to my parents' house, and they won't come over to mine. But I'm expected to spend all day with both of them. I find myself tempted to just lock myself in my room and be with nobody.

Don't put your boyfriend into a similar situation. It's not good, either for him, for you, or for your relationship. Let him make the decision about how to handle it, and follow his lead.

Please. Not for your motives, not for trying to teach the child anything, but for his sake.

[Slytovhand]

All I can think of is... why should you or bf lie to keep her fantasy going???

[jackfaire]

Yeah, I figure that finding out that you lied to them about one thing is a good way to make the kid doubt everything else you've told them... including of course religion.

Yeah happened to me my parents taught me you respect your elders because they are all deserving of your respect. Then I found out my uncle was a registered sex offender and started questioning everything.

Pedersen you remind me of how different my family truly is. In my family if it means my happiness or keeping a family member happy by being miserable I will choose my happiness. When that little boy finds out, not if, it is going to come down to choosing between his boyfriend or pretending to be straight and marry a woman and have kids to convince his sister's kid that he is straight. I can't see him doing that. At least I hope not.