Drop my friends?

[jackfaire]

I have friends that make racist and sexist comments that I do not agree with and call them out for and they always make some BS argument about why it is okay. Yes they make anti-homosexual comments as well.

They pirate games when they want and violate copyright law. Their ethics and morals are not in line with mine. They are fun to hang out with but I don't like those aspects of them.

Question should I drop them as friends?

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Well, you are there at ground zero, so really, only you can decide that. But consider this: What are you getting out of it that makes it worth it?

My mother has this saying: if you lay down with dogs, you will get up with fleas.

[jackfaire]

Getting out of it?

Well before this set of friends I didn't have any people for a while that I could hang out with on a semi regular basis. It is hard for me to make friends.

An added wrinkle is that one is my roommate and hasn't had a job in 2 years, the entire time he has lived here. He has donated plasma done some odd jobs for other people kicked in for chores and some cleaning. But no job.

I was warned when he moved in by other people that had lived with him in the past that he was a deadbeat but I believe in giving people chances. He can no longer donate plasma for a stupid reason that would be another post. So all he is bringing in right now is food. That's it.

If I kick him out as I gained most of the friends through him I will probably lose the friendship with him and them as well.

I am tired of coming home and seeing that he got to sleep and play online all day while I am out there working my butt off making a contribution to the world.

I guess it all ties into that then I feel that dropping him means dropping most of my friends who are still more his friends than mine but again they also have those annoying traits as mentioned in my OP.

[MaggieTheCat]

My husband was in a similar situation a couple of years ago, actually. This was before we had even started dating, but we were good friends at the time.

He had a roommate who was very similar (if anything, worse) than your current roommate. She did not work at all. Not even odd jobs, or donating plasma. She had a little money saved up when she moved in with him, but went through it very quickly since she was paying off car and student loans. After that, she did nothing. My husband, at the time, considered her his best friend and knew that she had seen some hard times, so he was willing to let her stay without contribution for a while.

It got worse when she started lying to him. It's a long story, and I won't post it all here, but basically he found out that she'd lied to him about a bunch of stuff and he was pretty upset by it. Through the course of this, he'd tell me what was going on and how angry he was at her and I finally asked him, "Does she do anything to contribute to the household? Does she work at all, or do chores around the apartment, or cook, or anything?" Nope, nothing. "Then why do you let her stay??" At this point, it had been over 6 months since she'd moved in, probably closer to 8 or 9, and she had not once even looked for a job, let alone actually gotten one or done anything beneficial around the apartment.

My husband had seen her as a friend and liked her company, and was afraid to kick her out because he didn't want to be alone (and, yes, he would lose all of her friends whom he had become friends with too.) So he had overlooked the whole lack of contribution for a long time. But after she started betraying his trust, he finally bit the bullet and told her to get out.

He says now it's the best thing he's ever done. He was (well, is) so much happier without her. Yes, it did cost him some friends and contacts that sided with her (she told everyone what a horrible person my husband is and how unfair he was to treat her the way he did) but still...it was worth it. People who side with people like his ex-roommate and your roommate aren't really worth being friends with, anyway. If they can't see that what your roommate is doing is wrong and unfair, why would you want to be friends with them? I was friends with his ex-roommate for a while, and I knew she was a bitch. So I wasn't really friends with her anymore at that point.

Anyway, if your roommate is causing you a lot of stress, then I recommend dumping him. You will feel better not having to worry about all the strife he's causing.