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I wasn't sure if this would be better in Clash of Cultures or Social Woes...
Anyway, I got to thinking about this after talking with a friend of mine (D) earlier today. Her and her brother (K) always go in together to get Christmas gifts for their (adult) nephews and the nephews' wives and children. In turn, the nephews and their wives (as a couple) get my friend and her brother gifts as well. They've been doing this for years and my friend and her brother always enjoy finding new and unique gifts to get for everyone each year.
It was recently brought up (as in, about a week ago) by one of the wives (I'm not sure what her name is, we'll call her A) that maybe they shouldn't do gift exchanges anymore, and that she didn't want to do it at all this year. This kind of upset D, because the gift that she had gotten for A, and the other wives, was a matching set of bracelets that I had custom made, and they include charms with the ladies' initials on them. So D wanted to be able to give all of the wives their charm bracelets and not leave one of them out. K told A that if she didn't want to be part of the gift exchange next year, fine, but it was a little late to be opting out for this year.
Then A said that they (D and K) could still get gifts for the kids in future years but not for the adults, "Because Christmas is all about the children."
This really upset D, not because it would mean she would be giving but not receiving...but because she doesn't believe "Christmas is all about the children." She believes Christmas is for everyone, and for people to do nice things, including getting gifts, for people they care about. She cares for the kids, yeah, but she cares for the adults too, in a way even more than the kids since she has more of a relationship with the adults than she does with the kids.
I was also reminded of a post that someone made recently on CS. The OP said that she(he?) loves hunting for or making the perfect gift, and giving gifts away. But s/he hates getting gifts because s/he hates being in the limelight and in the center of attention.
Personally, I think that kind of attitude is rather selfish. First off, what if someone who you give gifts to doesn't like to receive gifts any more than you do? It's okay for you to not like to receive gifts, but you would put someone else through something that you find unpleasant? Admittedly, the OP didn't specify whether s/he gives gifts to everyone, whether they like it or not. But besides that point, most people give gifts for a reason. It makes THEM feel good. I love to give gifts, I love seeing peoples' reaction when I get something they really like. It makes me feel good. Denying friends and family that feeling because it's unpleasant for you is, in my opinion, selfish. I dislike going to my parents' house because it's unpleasant, but you know what? I do it anyway sometimes, because it makes them happy. If you really care about people, sometimes you just gotta suck it up and realize that not all things in life are going to be great.
I guess it would be different if someone said they didn't want to give OR get any gifts, from anyone, for any occasion. Then it's going both ways. An ex-boyfriend of mine was like that. It still kind of annoyed me, because I wanted to get him something for his birthday, but I understood at least the reasoning behind it: "I don't like getting gifts, so I would rather not be part of gift exchanges at all, going both ways."
Anyway, I'm curious on everyone else's take on this subject.
Anyway, I got to thinking about this after talking with a friend of mine (D) earlier today. Her and her brother (K) always go in together to get Christmas gifts for their (adult) nephews and the nephews' wives and children. In turn, the nephews and their wives (as a couple) get my friend and her brother gifts as well. They've been doing this for years and my friend and her brother always enjoy finding new and unique gifts to get for everyone each year.
It was recently brought up (as in, about a week ago) by one of the wives (I'm not sure what her name is, we'll call her A) that maybe they shouldn't do gift exchanges anymore, and that she didn't want to do it at all this year. This kind of upset D, because the gift that she had gotten for A, and the other wives, was a matching set of bracelets that I had custom made, and they include charms with the ladies' initials on them. So D wanted to be able to give all of the wives their charm bracelets and not leave one of them out. K told A that if she didn't want to be part of the gift exchange next year, fine, but it was a little late to be opting out for this year.
Then A said that they (D and K) could still get gifts for the kids in future years but not for the adults, "Because Christmas is all about the children."
This really upset D, not because it would mean she would be giving but not receiving...but because she doesn't believe "Christmas is all about the children." She believes Christmas is for everyone, and for people to do nice things, including getting gifts, for people they care about. She cares for the kids, yeah, but she cares for the adults too, in a way even more than the kids since she has more of a relationship with the adults than she does with the kids.
I was also reminded of a post that someone made recently on CS. The OP said that she(he?) loves hunting for or making the perfect gift, and giving gifts away. But s/he hates getting gifts because s/he hates being in the limelight and in the center of attention.
Personally, I think that kind of attitude is rather selfish. First off, what if someone who you give gifts to doesn't like to receive gifts any more than you do? It's okay for you to not like to receive gifts, but you would put someone else through something that you find unpleasant? Admittedly, the OP didn't specify whether s/he gives gifts to everyone, whether they like it or not. But besides that point, most people give gifts for a reason. It makes THEM feel good. I love to give gifts, I love seeing peoples' reaction when I get something they really like. It makes me feel good. Denying friends and family that feeling because it's unpleasant for you is, in my opinion, selfish. I dislike going to my parents' house because it's unpleasant, but you know what? I do it anyway sometimes, because it makes them happy. If you really care about people, sometimes you just gotta suck it up and realize that not all things in life are going to be great.
I guess it would be different if someone said they didn't want to give OR get any gifts, from anyone, for any occasion. Then it's going both ways. An ex-boyfriend of mine was like that. It still kind of annoyed me, because I wanted to get him something for his birthday, but I understood at least the reasoning behind it: "I don't like getting gifts, so I would rather not be part of gift exchanges at all, going both ways."
Anyway, I'm curious on everyone else's take on this subject.
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