Does it really count as selfish?

[jackfaire]

If I tell people I have no intention of searching for a significant other with which to have kids because I believe it should be something that happens because I meet someone I can love not because I am desperately seeking him/her.

The same with more kids if it happens it happens. When people hear all this they say, "Well it can be rough sharing your life with someone it's good to know your selfish."

So because I am not rushing out to be like the Jonses? I am somehow selfish? What does my not wanting to go searching for hypothical people have to do with that.

If I was selfish I would live alone. I would never give my daughter anything. I don't think I am a selfish person at all hell sometimes I have problems saying no. But my being a loner and wanting to live life on my terms makes me selfish?

I don't get it.

[Greenday]

Yes.

Society has this thing where you have to be happily married and you must want kids, or there's something wrong with you. I don't get it.

I'd like to have someone to spend the rest of my life with. But kids? I'd prefer not, but if I ended up with some, I'd parent the crap out of them and do a better job than my father did.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Oh, the "if you don't want to spawn, you're selfish omg!" thing.

Well, here's the thing. I am selfish. I am far too selfish to want to have kids, cuz I don't wish to give up certain things. I want to spend my money on what I want, rather than on crap for the kids. I want to go out and not come back til the sun rises. I want to play my music loud, watch violent anime and go shopping for fun. I want to just be lazy and spend the day in bed with my boyf. Therefore, I don't want kids cuz I don't want to sacrifice all those things.

So if that's being selfish, then great. I'd rather be selfish and choose not to have kids, than unselfish and have them anyway, despite not wanting them or wishing to sacrifice my lifestyle.

[jackfaire]

So if that's being selfish, then great. I'd rather be selfish and choose not to have kids, than unselfish and have them anyway, despite not wanting them or wishing to sacrifice my lifestyle.

Except I don't think it is selfish at all I think selfish is to have kids cuz "man that would be awesome" and then still try to live your life exactly like before.

[XCashier]

Is it selfish to want to stay single and/or childless? I say it's better to live the way that works best for you and not be resentful of a spouse you don't really love or a child you didn't really want. (I didn't phrase that very well, but I'm not sure how to write it better.)

I love my husband and my son. Having a spouse and child works for me; it might not work for someone else. Or having one and not the other would work best for someone else. Heck, some folks say I'm selfish for only having one child and not several, but what is worse: raising one child in relative comfort, or raising several in poverty?

You've got to do what is best for you, not "keep up with the Joneses". You're the one who has to live with your decisions, after all.

[jackfaire]

I say it's better to live the way that works best for you and not be resentful of a spouse you don't really love or a child you didn't really want. (I didn't phrase that very well, but I'm not sure how to write it better.).

Honestly that is pretty much spot on. I love my daughter. She is awesome and I do everything I can for her but after I did the keep up with the Jonses thing I realized It wasn't what I had wanted. She never knew that I never ever will tell my daughter ever.

I love her and am grateful for her. My ex I married because honestly at the time I loved her. I don't think anything I did back then was a bad choice.

I think though I am too much like my grandmother. She spent half her life doing her own thing and then entered a relationship and kids and all of that.

Other than work and visits with my daughter nothing in my life is planned. I like it that way I like not knowing what I am going to do tomorrw, actually I am kind of predictable but not because it's set in stone.

There is part of me that someday wants to meet someone that I can share a family with but honestly I am not ready. Don't know if I ever will be.

It's not selfish in my mind.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I personally don't think it's selfish; however, there are those who do. Their perception of selfishness is something I'm personally happy to be, and they can just go and play in traffic. XD

[Cat]

I personally don't think it's selfish; however, there are those who do. Their perception of selfishness is something I'm personally happy to be, and they can just go and play in traffic. XD

Amen to that!!!! Thankfully noone's told me I'm selfish yet for not wanting kids....but that probably because I threaten to adopt more cats each time someone mentions me reproducing

[Slytovhand]

Damn right it's selfish!!!

But, a hell of a lot less so than those who want kids... at least my selfishness affects only me.. I don't need to make anyone else beholden to it. Because, that's not only having the children, it's telling them to behave exactly as you want them to behave, to do things exactly as you want them to do them, when you want them.

That, to me, is far more selfish than choosing to remain solely responsible for your life, and your life alone.

[Shangri-laschild]

I don't get why people see it that way. Honestly, I would be a horrible parent. I mean, I'm good with kids sure. I help out with my sister's all the time. I would be horrible with my own though. I know I would. It's not something I worry about or anything, just something I understand. It would be more selfish of me to have children anyway when I know I wouldn't be able to take care of them properly than to not have them. Luckily for me, I don't really care to have them either so it works out well enough.

[jackfaire]

I am always torn because the abstract "omg being a dad" is awesome but the reality was a lot harder. My daughter might be my last kid it will depend on the person if any that I end up with.

[guywithashovel]

Most decisions we make are selfish in some form or another----and that's fine. You need to think about your own happiness, and you have to try to live life in a way that's best for you.

[thrifty]

After having a child I don't understand how anyone with children can believe that having a child is for everyone, it simply is not.

I love my son and will raise him and be a good mom to him, but honestly this is not for everyone, and could cause some serious damage to a child of someone who really does not want a child.

Hell part of me still wishes I was childless and I give so much credit to people who know that about themselves and do not have children just because society says they should have children.

[Amanita]

I have been called selfish and narcissistic for not wanting kids. Funny, I've seen a number of parents who fit that description. Using strollers as battering rams, insisting that they get the first and the best of everything because they have kids, and so on.

If it's selfish of me to stay single, isn't it also selfish to drag a kid into a horror movie and sit through it, even though the kid fusses, because the parent just HAD to see that movie?
Isn't it selfish to use a stroller as a battering ram, expecting to always get more and better, because you have a kid?
(Not saying all parents are like this, but there seem to be a lot of them around)

[jackfaire]

I am the kind of dad that if I have my daughter with me in a store and someone tells us to go ahead of them in line I refuse because I want to teach my daughter patience.