Inviting people to eat at your place..

[Greenday]

I hate women who expect the guy to pay, but sometimes it can be thought of as a given if the guy was the one asking for a date.

Yet it would NEVER be expected if the date was her idea to pay.

[Rebel]

Yet it would NEVER be expected if the date was her idea to pay.

I know! It's a stupid double standard.
I at least make the offer if I ask a guy out, but a lot of them see it as an attack on their pride and don't take me up on it.

[Rageaholic]

It was a dinner party between friends, not a restaurant. Were the guests handed a menu before they ate? Were they informed they would be expected to pay? If not, than the hosts were being jerks. And even then, I would think it would be pretty rude invite people for dinner only to get money off of them.

It doesn't matter what culture they were from, that sounds like a crappy thing to do.

[Boozy]

Yet it would NEVER be expected if the date was her idea to pay.

I disagree. If I were to invite someone on a date, I'd be fully prepared to pay, and I wouldn't blame my date for assuming it.

[Boozy]

I think its kind of nuts to expect somebody to pay for all the meals when they invite people out for their birthday. You invite ten people who spend ten dollars each you're looking at a 100 dollar bill. Who can afford that?

I'd advise people not to throw themselves birthday parties that they can't afford.

Especially if people are expected to bring you gifts.

[Plaidman]

I'd advise people not to throw themselves birthday parties that they can't afford.

Especially if people are expected to bring you gifts.

Indeed. And agreed.


Funny thing is, whenever my uncle comes down to visit the family, he sometimes asks to go to dinner. We have a BIG family. All in this town together, if we all show up which has happened, we're looking at My mom, Sister, Me, 4 aunts, 5 uncles, each of them bringing their kids, and some of their kids bringing THEIR kids, (and in one case, one of those kids bring their own kid). It's a big family. We tend to go to expensive place too, like Olive Garden or some such. That bill can easily come into the hundreds.

He pays. Every time. Despite us trying to pay him, he just shoos us off and pays on his credit card. Granted, he is pretty wealthy compared to us all, like... very wealthy. But both he and my aunt are mega workaloics. They might sleep like, 4 hours a day, and spend the rest working or doing something even in their old age. Part of the bonus of owning a gambling company I guess. I got lucky when he came to town the same time I had a friend from way across country here, and he paid for our meals. We all do pay the tip, which makes the waiter/waitress pretty happy, since our entire family are big tippers. Most of them worked as waiters before. (My grandma owned a restraunt, and they all helped out alot growing up).

[HYHYBT]

That being said, who doesn't bring a bottle of wine or something similar when invited over for dinner. It's just polite

I wouldn't think to, and wouldn't know what sort of wine would be appropriate or whatever even if I did think of it, simply because neither I nor any of the people I'm normally around for that sort of thing drink.

[Cat]

I had a friend who would throw parties (at her place) and expected people to foot the bill. Even when we all brought snacks or drinks. We quickly stopped going Miss Greedy's parties.

I always expect to pay my own way when dining out. Even birthday parties...usually one of my friends says, "Hey, I wanna go here." We do, and we treat that bday person (no one I know expects gifts...gifts should be a treat....not a requirement) Since we all have bdays, we all get treated. Even then, I'll leave the tip. (my friends are crappy tippers, ha)

(now a party where gifts are expected, than yeah, a host should pay the way...its like bringing wine to a dinner partry, or a wedding.)

I also hate the "guys always pay" crap. Granted, my bf will pay when we go out 60% of the time (I snag the 40%!) but he does make more than I

[AdminAssistant]

I always expect to pay my own way when dining out. Even birthday parties...usually one of my friends says, "Hey, I wanna go here." We do, and we treat that bday person (no one I know expects gifts...gifts should be a treat....not a requirement) Since we all have bdays, we all get treated. Even then, I'll leave the tip. (my friends are crappy tippers, ha)

That's the usual understanding between us. We're all rather poor, and if we had to foot the entire bill for every birthday outing, none of us would ever go out. So, everyone pays for their own. The only thing that sucks is that...I have a summer birthday. Most people aren't in town, they're either in their hometowns or studying abroad. So, my birthday is always lame compared to other people.

[Red Panda]

I'd advise people not to throw themselves birthday parties that they can't afford.

Especially if people are expected to bring you gifts.

If you are throwing a party then you pay. If you want to go out for a birthday meal and invite others then you have no obligation to pay. The others can decide if they want to eat out with you or not or if they only want to order an inexpensive appetizer.

[McDreidel09]

When I cook dinner, I pay for every little thing. For example, I will be hosting a cookout next month to send me back off to school. I have already told my mother that every expense that goes towards it, I will take care of. This includes the charcoal, lighter fluid,food,drinks,plastic eating utensils,cups,plates, basic booze (like beer and wine coolers), etc. The only thing I would expect anyone else to spend their money on is if they want a specific type of booze,then they can bring it because I have no use for a dozen different kinds of booze in the house after the party.

[Kelmon]

In regards to the first post:
As a german i can pretty much definitely tell that asking your guest to pay for a home-cooked meal would be considered way beyond rude - or ridiculous. No, this is not one of our customs.

[Boggles]

We're throwing a big BBQ at the weekend and are expecting upwards of 30 people. Because it's a fairly informal do, we've said we'll proide all the sides and burgers, sausages etc but if people want to bring meat for the BBQ it would be appreciated. Based on previous years, most will bring something with Grandpa's Secret Sauce on or similar and everyone will share each others.

About every 6 weeks or so I do quite a formal dinner party for a few friends and I wouldn't dream of asking them to pay. However most of them would bring a bottle or similar. If you're worried about matching wine to what the host is cooking, then don't. Good manners suggest you don't expect your bottle to be opened and served to you.

[jackfaire]

We do a lot of Karma spending with my friends.

For example I invite a friend out for a meal he is expected to pay for his own food however if he can't afford it I will cover his meal and then he can just cover me the next time our roles are reversed.

One date I was on the girl paid for dinner and I covered the movie. This split the date about 50/50 as we had dinner at a local pizza place and then walked over to see the flick. Wished I had paid for dinner and she paid for the movie cuz oh god the movie was boring.

Birthday's well I haven't received a gift in like 5 years. I barely even get Christmas gifts. Not that I wouldn't love to get either one but I just don't bother expecting them.

Me and my best friend have a birthday only weeks apart from each other so typically what we do is that our birthday party is a pizza party or barbecue. We just get a ton of friends together laugh, eat, and play. On our individual birthday's we pick a place and go out to dinner together anyone wishing to join us will pay their own way or they don't go to that we cover the cost for our joint party though.

Gifts brought to a dinner party is pretty standard. I don't care what your culture is though I really don't if you expect that inviting me to something suddenly obligates me to owe you something then that is something I should be informed of up front.

Expecting me to know every aspect of your culture when your living in the middle of mine is rude and ill thought out and shouldn't be treated as, "well oh they didn't know any better" especially since if I did the same thing while living in someone else's culture it would be "oh the stupid American"

My family did when I was a kid do the policy that whomever threw the party would pay for everyone. This was rarely the birthday person as it was considered bad taste for someone to throw their own birthday party.

I had to of course scrap the latter half of that rule when 5 years went by without my birthday being celebrated.

[blas87]

I agree with you Boozy, very much so.

But then again, I never understand why people get so wrapped up in expensive and lavish things and don't get why family or friends can't afford to indulge or travel with them.

It's not so much dinners with my friends and I, it always ends up being trips to bigger parts of Wisconsin or Minnesota or concerts or big expensive shindigs that I simply can't afford, and they actually have the nerve to get mad at me for not attending.

My bf still makes rude comments about me not attending his sister's wedding. That I didn't have an extra $500 or more, ya know, just laying around for the plane ticket and some fancy outfits to wear to the dinners and the wedding and for a room and food and whatever else.