Is this right?

[MaggieTheCat]

I'm torn on this issue, so I'm wondering what others here think of it.

Players:

C = my cousin
K = C's daughter, she's about 7-8 years old
M = C's mother

During the summer, when K isn't in school, M takes care of her during the day while C is at work. M (and her husband, C's father) are not well off financially. In fact, they just recently got foreclosed on their house and had to move into an apartment. So C pays them to watch K for her. M told her that she doesn't need payment for watching K, but C insisted because of her parents' financial troubles.

C recently found out that M has been giving all the money she gets for babysitting K to her other daughters, C's siblings. Apparently they are not doing too well financially either (but I don't think any of them have been foreclosed on their house like M was.) C was a little upset by this, because she wanted to help her parents out for doing her a favor, not have the money go to her sisters. So she told her mother that instead of paying her cash all the time, C will do other things for them, like take them grocery shopping (her parents will pick out all the food they want/need and C will pay for it) or pay for their rent for a month.

On one hand, once C gives the money to her parents, it's their money and they can do whatever they want with it. On the other hand, I do think it was kind of crappy of her mother to take the money and turn around and give it to her other daughters, especially when they just lost their house and C told them she wants to help them.

What do you guys think?

[Red Panda]

Sounds like the parents are too proud to accept the money from their daughter, especially if they don't see taking care of their grand daughter as a job.

A better solution might be to give them money and say its for any costs the daugther has, such as food, or to pay them in a way they can't give away such as with services and favors.

[Greenday]

I'm pretty sure that's what older parents do. My grandmother does the same thing for my aunts and my mom. Even though my grandmother doesn't have a lot of money, she'll still give money out.

I mean, they are getting paid to babysit. What they do with it really is their business.

[Peppergirl]

Hmmm. I'm torn.

On one hand, I don't blame your cousin for being annoyed that they are taking the money that they SHOULD be using to help themselves, and giving it to other kids.

But like Greenday said, it becomes THEIR money once payment is made, and they can do what they want with it.

I would be inwardly seething too, but there's not much she can do about it, right?

[aurelemsrealm]

Do C's siblings ask for handouts, and make no efforts to return the favor when others are in need or ask for help? I have certain relatives who seem to come around only when they want something, but I never hear from them otherwise. The answer to that question would influence my answer a little.

If C's siblings do help their parents when their parents need them, I'd say she shouldn't worry about where the money goes. On the other hand, if C's siblings constantly ask for handouts with no intentions of returning the favor, then I think she is right to be upset.

[JLG]

I think that she should stop giving them cash and do the things you mentioned like the grocery shopping and paying the rent.

My nephews other grandma is on a very limited income but will give her kids money even if it means she won't have much left over for her own needs. She just can't say no to her kids. She can't afford to give anybody money but still does it if they ask.

My mom is the same way when it comes to my nephew. If I give her some money he will make up things to get the money. Like he needs gas money to look for a job. I finally stopped giving my mom money and instead if she needs something I just take her to buy it.

Sure it is her money and she can do with it what she wants but from my experience parents often give out the money even if it hurts them.