Sexual Preference & Promiscuitity

[Plaidman]

People can CLAIM that all they want. People talk big. But unless you personally witnessed it, you can't prove it happen.

[Greenday]

Then your whom I'm asking. People here claim that they've fucked complete strangers without knowing their name, having any feelings, knowing anything about them and not having any further relations ships. I'm curious as to how that exactly works. Since you didn't fuck any of the people you only met at a bar, then you don't know.

I'm from the Jersey Shore. It's practically a favorite past time of a large amount of people. I know people who have done it. If two people are at a bar and they are there looking to get laid, it's pretty easy for it to happen.

[HYHYBT]

There are very good reasons to break up after sleeping with a person fro the first time. If you're not compatible in the sack, it ain't going to work out well.

What, no such thing as being able to learn with practice what each other like, nor can there be other things more important than great sex?

This all assumes that you know exactly what you're looking for and don't need to experiment.

It also assumes that the other person involved should know what you're lokin for, which hardly seems reasonable first time out.

People here grab a stranger, fuck them within the day, and never see them again. Curious as to how that happens. How do you bring it up even? Just go hey "Complete stranger, want to have sex?"

I don't see why it would be difficult, if you're with other people seeking the same thing and are reasonably attractive to some of them.

[AdminAssistant]

I had a guy dump me after having sex for the first time, and it really, really, really pissed me off. Not only because I had insisted on going slow on the physical stuff, since I had just gotten out of a few bad FWB situations and my self-esteem was in the gutter. But he was a great guy, so after a month, we hopped in the sack. And then he broke up with me, saying we had nothing in common.

Pardon me, but WTF? You couldn't figure that out before we bumped uglies? No, it wasn't the greatest sex in the world but your first time with someone never is. It takes time to figure out what they like and so on. Nevermind the fact that while sexual chemistry is important, it shouldn't be the dealbreaker.

[Andara Bledin]

But he was a great guy, so after a month, we hopped in the sack. And then he broke up with me, saying we had nothing in common.

This guy was an asshole and never had an interest in a relationship, only in getting it on with you, and once he got that, he put a notch on his bedpost and moved on to his next conquest. Eventually he'll pull this with the wrong person and likely get knifed for being a douchebag.

^-.-^

[FArchivist]

Then your whom I'm asking. People here claim that they've fucked complete strangers without knowing their name, having any feelings, knowing anything about them and not having any further relations ships. I'm curious as to how that exactly works. Since you didn't fuck any of the people you only met at a bar, then you don't know.

Well, let's see. Anonymous sex isn't a fetish of mine, but I do know of a few BDSM munches that arrange that sort of thing at specific play parties. And a few events at fetish cons, although those vary between hypnoplay, sensory deprivation, and plain anonymity.

But random bar questioning works just as well too. I've just never been impressed by most bar quality, outside of this or that club that's been closed for nigh on 10 years now.

[FArchivist]

Pardon me, but WTF? You couldn't figure that out before we bumped uglies?

I definitely wouldn't have taken it that far, no. If we have absolutely nothing in common and you're not looking for a ride/FWB/whatnot, why seduce/lead you along? Just be honest! (Unless you're a cad, of course, but that goes without saying.)

No, it wasn't the greatest sex in the world but your first time with someone never is. It takes time to figure out what they like and so on. Nevermind the fact that while sexual chemistry is important, it shouldn't be the dealbreaker.

I considered sexual chemistry to be a dealbreaker simply because I had no wish to be permanently involved with someone that I couldn't mesh with sexually. Of course, when I was dating, I was looking for something very permanent, all "We will be spending the rest of our lives together and divorce is not an option, thank you." Of course, at the time I was also using my Three Date Rule. If full intercourse had not occurred within 3 dates, I would back off into friendship, but no relationship.

But like all relationship cases, my methodology only worked for me. I could tell within 5 minutes if someone had a potential as a date. I could tell within 3 dates (usually 1) if a person was a candidate for a long-term relationship culminating in marriage. The only reason I was able to quickly determine things is because I both knew myself and knew exactly what I wanted in a relationship. Most people that I know need to experiment to find out what works best for them. *shrug*

This guy was an asshole and never had an interest in a relationship, only in getting it on with you, and once he got that, he put a notch on his bedpost and moved on to his next conquest. Eventually he'll pull this with the wrong person and likely get knifed for being a douchebag.

Totes agreement! I've never seen the real point in "sexual conquest" material. The good stuff is all very consensual in nature, rather than coercing someone into the sheets.

[Ladeeda]

Totes agreement! I've never seen the real point in "sexual conquest" material. The good stuff is all very consensual in nature, rather than coercing someone into the sheets.

Well, that's the difference between a slut and a player.

A slut likes sex for the sake of sex, which I consider a totally appropriate and natural self-awareness of one's body, desires, and needs.

A player likes sex for the sake of bragging about how many people they've bagged. Such people are stupid and to be avoided at all costs.

[Canarr]

People can CLAIM that all they want. People talk big. But unless you personally witnessed it, you can't prove it happen.

Nope, can't prove it. Can't really be arsed to give a damn, either, though.

@Ladeeda: nice definition. Sounds fine to me, and without the usual negative implication of the word "slut".

[HYHYBT]

This guy was an asshole and never had an interest in a relationship, only in getting it on with you, and once he got that, he put a notch on his bedpost and moved on to his next conquest.

Unless he *is* just out for bragging rights rather than actual sex, that seems like a very foolish way to go about things. I mean, it's simple math: pretend to care for someone for a whole month to get her into bed once, then make an ass of yourself and start the whole thing over with someone else, or pretend (if that's what it takes) to like someone for a month just to get her into bed, then continue pretending to like her and maybe have sex every few days or so. Although morally or whatever honesty from the beginning is best, given those two options it's no contest.

[Skunkle]

Agreed with Ladeeda: A slut is after sex for pleasure, a player is after number of conquests. Unfortunately, in many circles, any guy known to get around, regardless of reason or motivation, gets called a player like he should be proud of it; any girl in the same situation, regardless of actual motivation, is called a slut and is either pointed out to players as a conquest plan, laughed at, or gossiped about, or some combination of those.

Anonymous sex, I can comment on with regards to my thoughts, even though I don't do it and am not attracted to it. I think a fair number of gays do what I list in the second category below, as opposed to my first category below, but I'm by no means arguing that all of them who 'do' anonymous sex fit that category:

The first are the ones noted above who go up to a random person and go "Hey. Wanna fuck?" They're, essentially, sluts. They enjoy sex for its own sake, and they don't mind being promiscuous. Some of these do it safely and some don't, but I gather that the general idea here is that knowing your partner's name either leads to conversation beyond the sex, or leads one of you to later go, "Hey, I should look that person up, and I CAN because I know their name", either of which puts a damper on the whole purpose which is enjoying 100% pleasure with 0% emotional attachment. For many of us, emotional attachment is good; for some, they really do feel happier when it's just pleasure. The good kind of slut finds partners who're looking for the same.

The second category applies generally to gay men, though as said, by no means all or even most gay men are like this. Point the first: In American society today, sex is nowhere near as taboo as it was thirty years ago, or even ten years ago. It IS still titillating and exciting, and the average straight person isn't too put-off by hearing about it. Point the second: In American society today, gay sex is only barely less taboo today than it was ten years ago. It's also titillating, but more in an "Ooops, I caught you, you're busted!" sense, and the average straight person is VERY put-off by hearing about it. Originally, gay bathhouses came about because being gay was cause for all sorts of troubles and, in fact, was illegal and actually prosecuted. Today, it usually isn't illegal, but it's still not average conversation fodder. No one in a bar bats an eye when you're regaling your buddies about banging your girlfriend last night, but no one wants to overhear you bragging to your buddies about banging your boyfriend last night; thus, there's still somewhat a need to keep it hush-hush. But, also... in the glory days of bathhouses, the secrecy became more than a necessity; it was exciting, living a secret life, for some, and this has carried forward. So it seems there's a sort of intense thrill about going to a bathhouse or cruising a restroom with glory holes, and having sex anonymously. You shouldn't be doing it. You're naughty. Was that last guy married? Was he gay, a virgin, and terrified, and you just gave him the best intro to sex he could have imagined? It's pure, undiluted fantasy fuel. I'd say 100% of the gay world would LOVE to be accepted by everyone as "normal", but at least 30-40% still fully enjoys the thrills of being secret and clandestine, and at least 2/3 of that 30-40% would still patronize bathhouses in the future for the same thrills.

On a similar note: If there were businesses where straight sluts could meet up, walk around in the dark, and suck and fuck with at lest somewhat anonymity (and pregnancy weren't a problem, or everyone used protection) there'd be millions to be made! Unfortunately, even straight sluts are afraid of rape and assault; I think young gay men who aren't yet "out" see bathhouses as their only option, thus they brave the depths, whereas young straight women can go to far more bars and clubs - there are far more options with safer environs for pick-ups.

I don't get into the anonymous sex thing, but I do understand how it would be thrilling and exciting to some.

[Nyoibo]

Unless he *is* just out for bragging rights rather than actual sex, that seems like a very foolish way to go about things. I mean, it's simple math: pretend to care for someone for a whole month to get her into bed once, then make an ass of yourself and start the whole thing over with someone else, or pretend (if that's what it takes) to like someone for a month just to get her into bed, then continue pretending to like her and maybe have sex every few days or so. Although morally or whatever honesty from the beginning is best, given those two options it's no contest.

That reminds me of How I Met Your Mother, when theywere comparing the number of times Barney had had sex, I think it was with 500 hundred women or something so 500 times, compared to the guy who'd been in a relationship for years and having sex with the same chick the whole time several times a week.

[Hyena Dandy]

I don't think sex should be a competition.

Or, err... I do, but not that way.*

I think sex should be about enjoying yourself, and the experiences, with others. Sex should not be a one way thing. Even the one way parts are not really one way.

If you sleep with a lot of people, that's fine. If you're enjoying it, they're enjoying it, no problem. Just use protection, you know. If you like random hookups, do it with other people who like random hookups.

If you'd rather not have random hookups, then you can choose not to have random hookups instead. But promiscuity is unrelated to sexual orientation. Its related to your personality.





*To clarify, my biggest fetish is competitive sex.

[Greenday]

...Competitive sex?

And couldn't one argue that your sexual orientation is part of your personality?

I don't know, it's just a trend I've noticed based on my experiences.

[Hyena Dandy]

...Competitive sex?

Do you WANT me to elaborate? >_>

And couldn't one argue that your sexual orientation is part of your personality?

I don't know, it's just a trend I've noticed based on my experiences.

Though it can influence your personality because of cultural expectations, I think that your sexuality is independent of your personality.