Blaming the man for misguided sex...

[PepperElf]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...virginity.html


Now before I start on this one, understand that I *DO NOT* condone the practice of an adult teacher fucking a high school (or equivalent) student, even if the student is legally of age.


That being said... I do have some issues with this article.


In a nutshell, the author (now 22) entered into a sexual affair with her teacher at age of 17. Although in my own home state that would make her still a minor, in England that's the age of consent.

She goes on to say how he emotionally abused her by taking advantage of her young hormones and stringing her along in the relationship. Although apparently the first time they had sex he DID tell her, "This is just sex" and "not to confuse it with anything more."




My issue with the article is this...

Nothing he did to her was illegal. Even being her teacher wasn't illegal - sure he'd (rightfully) get fired for it but ... he wouldn't go one single day in jail for seducing her. He didn't get her drunk, he didn't get her stoned... he just convinced her to have a sexual affair with him and then broke her heart when he dumped her.

yes that hurts. Yes sometimes you want "justice" to compensate for the pain of a broken heart.


However... trying to trash him 5 years later? Is this the right way to do it?


And what about this?

"I have since discovered that he had already left one school over an alleged affair with a 14-year-old."

O RLY? I can't find anything on google about him being charged with pedophilia. Or is this part of the "revenge for breaking her heart" plan... spread rumors that will destroy his family & any other career he has? I mean if someone finds a link about this - other than her claim - I'll acknowledge it but... so far all I've found was her claim.



I just can't help and think that...

1) If he hadn't been her teacher she would have no recourse against him for seducing her, other than gossip and playing games. He'd just be some man who broke her heart.

2) If he hadn't dumped her in the first place, would she have ever written this public letter about him? I can't help but wonder if she's doing this to sooth her ego, and perhaps punish him for daring to use her for sex. And perhaps as a means to tell herself that she did nothing wrong cos it's all "his fault".



note: I don't know how old this was. i thought it was recent but she claims he was barred from teaching in 2001 so ... maybe it's older than I realized at first. anyway, it just seems ... odd...

[Andara Bledin]

As to this case, it appears that it was news back in 2000.

Archived article from the original allegation
Another archived article from later that year
An archived article from the next year
An archived article mentioning his removal for misconduct, but nothing further

The article at The Mail Online is actually from 2003, and illustrates why I hate, with a passion, news sites that don't date their articles as part of the byline. It's sloppy and there's no excuse for it.

As for Brian Bacon, while he lost his teaching position, no charges appear to have ever been levied and the claims regarding the 14-year-old never included sex and the parents refused to "put their daughter through a trial."

^-.-^

[PepperElf]

the first link seems broken.

the others... am going to start reading them now. will update after reading.

[PepperElf]

hmm. interesting.

the two articles claim that the LW i wrote about was 16 at the time of the affair. however in her own interview she claimed to be 17.

and the "romeo sir" article sounds dreadfully biased claiming he was "forced to marry his nurse". this sounds a bit like a tabloid article rather than a news report.

and again yes, they have no suits over the "14 year old" so there's no telling if it was truth, or something less than what it's claimed.


and i also know that some girls that age DO talk shit sexually. i'm thinking my own classmates actually. we had a new teacher who wasn't that bad looking, in a kind of stuffy way. the girls would try flirting with him by handing him notes that read ... i forget, something about the paper being sex and that they were having sex with him though him touching the paper. (He was pissed off when he read the note).

Their claim.... they were using the woman's school locker room as a changing room. and that he walked in on them on purpose knowing they were naked. they seriously tried to fuck his career over on that. the thing is... those lockers were NOT changing rooms. the girls were just using that section of the school to change, fully knowing it was against the rules. He was going there to yell at them ... not to oogle their 8th grade bodies.

so yeah, i'm not saying the 14 year old story is fake... i'm just saying i know some girls that age who would talk shit, not caring if it destroys someone's life or not.

[Andara Bledin]

I've fixed the first link, but it doesn't really provide much additional info, just that it was originally published in 2000.

I have no judgment on the 14-year-old. It's quite possible that he was just very enthusiastic about poetry with her and she and her parents took it the wrong way because that's usually the default assumption, which is part of the problem you've brought up.

As for the other, from what I understand, they started talking while she was 16, and the relationship didn't actually progress until she was legal. So, it's possible that he just knows to keep it in his pants until he can't be prosecuted for having sex with an underage girl. It's also possible that she pushed for a relationship with him, he was foolish enough to go with it, and she changed her mind after and rather than accept that she chose it, she's going to smear him rather than face her own parents, which happens far more often than it should.

^-.-^

[Greenday]

The letter does come off as a way of making her feel better about it by blaming him for everything. But basically, the whole letter is about a how a guy was having a NSA relationship with her, stated it to her, and she lied to herself thinking it could be more.

I know sex makes a lot of people develop feelings for whoever they have sex with, but those people need to realize not everyone is like that and need to stop thinking that someone will like them just because of sex.

The author lied to herself about the situation, got hurt because of it, then got revenge because she didn't get what she wanted.

[PepperElf]

The author lied to herself about the situation, got hurt because of it, then got revenge because she didn't get what she wanted.

that's what i'm getting out of it too honestly.

because she KNEW he was engaged when she started having sex with him. you can't tell me she didn't know what she was doing... i mean fuck she's old enough to vote, no?

but the attention was tempting so she went along with it, and it sounds like the sex was good too. she thought he was going to feel the same way ... so she "justified" her actions to herself.


i'd rather like to see how she'd feel if some 17 year old threw herself at HER fiance ... and how she'd feel if he responded to it. would she feel the teen's actions where justifiable... or that the teen was doing "nothing wrong" because the man wasn't stopping her?

or would she go off on the girl for being a slut? ... cos i'm wondering what the original fiance thought about HER ...

[AdminAssistant]

If my fiance had sex with a student of his, regardless of who initiated it and regardless of age of consent, I would be pissed at him. Not her. Because he's the one who violated my trust and fucked his teenage student. I don't care if she was naked, wet, and humping his leg. As an educator, he has multiple responsibilities that include not fucking his students. That's my issue here. I'm no fan of NSA sex and/or friends-with-benefits situations, however, I make no judgments if it's between two consenting adults. Even though she's *legally* an adult, it's pretty obvious that she didn't have the emotional maturity to handle that type of relationship. The teacher, who is the responsible party here due to age and position, not gender, surely knew that.

The teacher cheated on his fiance with a student for some barely legal poontang and got burned. Serves the ol' perv right, IMO.

[PepperElf]

well yeah of course he's not innocent
but neither did he rape her.

[Ginger Tea]

As for the other, from what I understand, they started talking while she was 16, and the relationship didn't actually progress until she was legal.

Only got as far as this post so sorry if it has already been adressed, I'm to gather this is from the UK as it was meantioned in the OP that 17 is legal in the UK vs 18 in america, thing is, unless the law was changed it's been 16 for the age of concent, so she would have been legal from her 16th birthday, but teacher/student relationships should not happen whilst they are teacher and student, same goes for University, don't date students even if they are 25.

Teacher ex student fill your boots.
I'm off to work so I'll leave it at that for now.

[Sleepwalker]

If he hadn't been her teacher

And if my aunt were a man, he'd be my uncle.

A father initiating a sexual relationship with a (legally adult) daughter is scuzzy. Or a priest with a legal altar boy.

That it is not rape does not make it ethical- a person with a position of power initiating something with an ignorant youngster under their care and guidance is scuzzy. Worrying about the reputation of such a person is laughable.

He used a barely legal student for sex, after grooming her for it for a year. He's a dirtbag.

[Andara Bledin]

He used a barely legal student for sex, after grooming her for it for a year. He's a dirtbag.

You don't know this.

First, you don't know that it was a full year from when she was 16 to 17; it could have been as little as a few months. Since the articles are unclear and in some cases contradictory, I strongly suspect it was within the same school year, so he likely didn't have long to "groom" her.

Second, we don't even know that he did anything particularly special in her case, much less groomed her. For all we know, she went after him. It's her word against his. I have a friend who teaches in a middle school. He has 12-year-old girls coming on to him. He, being who he is, tends to be appalled by their behavior, but to think that she is definitely telling the truth in this case is poor judgment.

That he used a barely-legal student for sex is undeniable, and even he didn't dispute that fact. But can you honestly say for certain that she didn't do the same? The whole story only came out after her father found out about it. I've seen more than a few cases where an overbearing parent has found out about an affair and the child of said parent, usually a girl, then has to claim that she was seduced just to avoid his or her wrath.

This whole thread is about the automatic assumption by the general public that the man is the one at fault, and this assumption continues to hold, often in the face of evidence to the contrary.

It's a bad habit to jump to judgment without the facts, and you can see it in action on this forum over and over and over again. A story will be posted, without all of the facts, and some portion of the crowd will break out the pitchforks and torches and call for vengeance to be rained down upon the alleged perpetrator.

And yet, just about half of the time it comes out that the original story was missing a whole lot of facts and sometimes contains misinformation or outright lies. But by then the damage is done. Most people when faced with such a decision will not change their minds even if it's shown that they were purposefully lied to from the beginning.

Society would be much better served if everybody would set aside their anger and their hatred and at least try to get the facts behind a case before calling for the Hunt.

^-.-^

[Nyoibo]

Never let the facts get in the way of a good story.

[blas87]

I have to agree with Admin on this one.

I don't like hearing about how situations like this "ruined his life" or "ruined his career". He made that choice himself, he can deal with the consequences.

Technically, when you're a senior and 18 years old in high school here in the US, sure, you could start fucking your 26 year old teacher. Does that make it right for the teacher to violate trust in the job field and classroom? Absolutely not.

[Sleepwalker]

Yes yes, the pitchforks, blah fucking blah.

She wrote about him fucking her. He. Her teacher. Fucking her barely legal ass.

Are you saying they didn't fuck? What 'truth' is there to contest? The OP wrote a screed saying that, for some reason, teachers should be protected from the hideous injustice of their almost jailbat fuckees writing *GASP* opinion pieces about the relationship.

A teacher fucking their barely legal student is fucking skeevy. You defending it by saying little girls try to hump their teachers all the time, bringing up 12 year olds, just makes you and your buddy seem skeezy as well. Shit, I wouldn't let my kids around someone who claimed that barely pubescent girls were hitting on them all the time.

In the choice between someone who automatically blames the teacher in a teacher, student fuckfest, and the choice between someone who automatically excuses the teacher because 12 year olds are total sluts who ask for it, yeah. I'm going to go with the former. Creep.