Assholes will be Assholes

[jackfaire]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jill-d...en#postComment


This was another Men are from Mars Women are from Venus article that excuses assholes for being assholes cuz "They are just being Men" I couldn't comment on the article because my response was double the allowed limit so I commented on my Facebook instead a comment I will re-post here so we can let the debating fun begin. I apologize there was some polite swearing.


I always find it disheartening to see "Myths about men" and have it be more sexist drivel that basically paints us as shallow assholes.

If I am jealous about you with other guys it is because at some point you made it clear you could just as easily be dating that other guy and I care too much about you to just let you go so yeah it hurts when your excited about something he did unless I know it didn't mean anything that could hurt our relationship or your commitment to us.

My friends and I my guy friends all straight can and do spend a lot of time discussing what a girl meant when she said "x". If she writes a letter we are dissecting it wondering what she really meant. The thought that we are just like meh whatever ascribes to us the level of advancement of an emotionally stunted 12 year old.

Just because a guy isn't rushing over to your house every time you post a cute picture to let you know in person how much he likes it doesn't mean he doesn't like you. Yes if all he ever does is comment on your photos and your attempts to make it go forward do not yield any results then yeah move on. However if the guy is becoming more interested liking pics on Facebook are a good first step.

Guys do like an aggressive woman and it is sexy as hell and is my cue to chase her back. The only way sitting back and letting her do all the work means your not going to spend Saturday alone is that her chasing you isn't really her being aggressive so much as her panicking that you might slip away before she lets you know she likes you and is based more on her insecurities than any sense of empowerment.

Women often refuse to discuss their emotions with guys which can be frustrating to guys because again unless we are stuck at age 12 we talk about our emotions to each other and aren't seeking immediate resolutions to problems that don't have one. Even more frustrating when we share our own emotions and the women offer an immediate solution instead of being a source of comfort.

The stereotypes you see on this blog need to die out for a very important reason. Asshole immature emotionally retarded guys will use these things as excuses for why they treat women like shit and it's okay. They will use it as "See it's okay that we are nothing alike and have very little in common let's fuck baby" then "shockingly" a divorce happens around age 40 when the sex is no longer as hot and you both realize you really can't stand each other.

Stop accepting the bullshit excuses and tell the men to call you when they have grown the fuck up.

[siead_lietrathua]

breaking up into points to save quote-space.

1) ...excuses assholes for being assholes cuz "They are just being Men"...

2) If I am jealous about you with other guys it is because at some point you made it clear you could just as easily be dating that other guy...

3) Just because a guy isn't rushing over to your house every time you post a cute picture to let you know in person how much he likes it doesn't mean he doesn't like you.

4) ...her chasing you isn't really her being aggressive so much as her panicking that you might slip away before she lets you know she likes you and is based more on her insecurities than any sense of empowerment.

5) ...Women often refuse to discuss their emotions with guys which can be frustrating to guys

6) ... then "shockingly" a divorce happens around age 40 when the sex is no longer as hot and you both realize you really can't stand each other.

1) assholeness is not gender-based. women can be just as big of assholes as men.

2) i've known men who get jealous when their women talk to ANY man, even gay men, because of their own insecurities. a woman should not have to give up their friendships because of a man's insecurities. if a woman is not allowed to be excited because a friend did something nice for her, without her partner flying off the handle about how she wants to cheat, that's not HER fault or problem, and she should dump that partner if they persist acting like that.
this also applies to jealous-raging women against their partners as well.

3) i havent seen anyone past the age of highschool act like that.

4) many woman enjoy the chase as well. it's why we dress up hot for our men. it's not insecurity. it's called laying bait women who are insecure in their relationships have often been given a reason for it.
the empowerment thing bothers me though. people concerned over the "power exchange" in their relationships, unless it's D/S, have a priority misplacement.

5) i often find that men talk about their feelings to women, as much as women do to men in relationships. people often clam up about such things from a misguided desire to not hurt their partner. again, it's not gender-exclusive to females.

6) if someone gets married solely based on sex, they are a moron.

[Andara Bledin]

I always find it disheartening to see "Myths about men" and have it be more sexist drivel that basically paints us as shallow assholes.

Did you even read the article? Sure, the myths themselves are sexist, but the responses aren't. Hell, most of the thing is focused on how women get it wrong.

If I am jealous about you with other guys it is because at some point you made it clear you could just as easily be dating that other guy and I care too much about you to just let you go so yeah it hurts when your excited about something he did unless I know it didn't mean anything that could hurt our relationship or your commitment to us.

If a woman talks about how she could just as easily be seeing someone else, I'm not sure there is any "commitment to us" to begin with; you're just a stop on the highway to their finding 'the one.'

So far, every jealous guy I've known was either a controlling asshole or a projecting philanderer. Based on the actual myth being deconstructed, I think her assessment is right on; if a guy wants to make sure that he's better than the competition, he'll be talking about himself and playing up his strengths, not drawing attention to and focusing his competition.

The thought that we are just like meh whatever ascribes to us the level of advancement of an emotionally stunted 12 year old.

Well, not only did the article not state that at all, but it also listed a citation about how women, "to a greater extent than men," are likely to do this sort of thing. She never said that men don't do that. However, you managed to miss the whole point of that part, which was about how men communicated, not how they received communications.

Just because a guy isn't rushing over to your house every time you post a cute picture to let you know in person how much he likes it doesn't mean he doesn't like you.

Where did this even come from? At no point did she suggest any such slavish devotion should be expected or even desired. All the article said was that some guy hitting "Like" on a woman's photos isn't a particularly good barometer for whether or not he's actually interested in her as more than just another friend on Facebook.

Guys do like an aggressive woman and it is sexy as hell and is my cue to chase her back.

I think you're confusing aggressive with confident. They're not the same thing. And I also think that the article's comment that it's better to meet them halfway is far healthier and likely to lead to something substantial that chasing a guy down, clubbing him over the head, and dragging him back to the lair.

Women often refuse to discuss their emotions with guys which can be frustrating to guys because again unless we are stuck at age 12 we talk about our emotions to each other and aren't seeking immediate resolutions to problems that don't have one.

Again, she's citing actual studies about the differences in how typical men and women are likely to deal with similar situations. If you don't fit the mold, then it doesn't apply to you; however, just because it doesn't apply to you doesn't mean that it doesn't apply to the vast majority of men and women out there.

You can't just handwave away the fact that men and women typically (not stereotypically) have slightly different interpretations in their word choices and focus, which is what causes a lot of friction in otherwise healthy relationships.

Stop accepting the bullshit excuses and tell the men to call you when they have grown the fuck up.

Again, I have to ask if you actually read and understood the article you're responding to, because at no point does she excuse asshole behavior, and in several cases notes that the woman need to stop thinking that asshole behavior is just 'men being men,' and to see it for what it is.

^-.-^

[blas87]

Assholish behavior knows no real "label".

Men and women can both be assholes.

Not every asshole type of guy is a muscular attractive guy with a million dollar smile and a quick wit and ways with the ladies. There are some real assholes that are actually those self proclaimed "nice guys", who are really just pity party martyrs.

[bara]

The article itself is a difference in men and women.
My opinion as a guy and maybe just my opinion, she put to much story into it. She could have said it a lot faster.

1. Jealousy Myth- Guy is asking a lot of questions about how I hang out with and who I talk to so he loves me.

False- Projection is common, if hes into you he will ask about you.

2. Message in message- Hell no, to guys hidden meanings in texts of any sort are an illusion made up by english teachers so they can keep their phony jobs.

3. Facebook means he likes me!.. Well yeah, that outfit doesnt cover anything of course we like it. Or it could be we found the cat eating the cake on the table hilarious.

4. Aggressive women are sexy- this is true and false as it depends on the man and the situation at large.

5. We dont like to talk!- We like to talk, but if any other guys are like me, we wont unless we feel like we are being listened to. Otherwise there is a game on we want to watch.




(( This is just my version of the list, which over all I thought wasnt bad at all))