Breastfeeding

[The Shadow]

There's a thread over at CS about breastfeeding and as one poster noted, it's probably only a matter of time before it gets locked and told to take it here...so I will.

I'll reiterate here what I said there...I have no problem with public breastfeeding, except when it's done in a way that's disrespectful of other people's personal space and sense of modesty. A good example of this would be the woman I saw breastfeeding on a bus the other day, in a seat directly across from me -- no nursing blanket or any attempt to cover up whatsoever. It would have been impossible not to look at her without a deliberate effort to look somewhere else untill she had finished, which I had to do with conscious and sustained effort, so I wouldn't be thought rude.

How do the rest of you feel about it?

[Norton]

I admit, watching a woman breastfeed makes me feel uncomfortable, and it has nothing to do with modesty.

The thing is, I've only ever had the mouths of full-grown men on my own breasts, and the thought of a baby sucking on them instead just creeps me the fuck out.

Yes, it's natural and healthy for the baby and not sexual at all, but as someone who has no desire for children, it's still kinda freaky for me to think about.

However, I still think women shouldn't be restricted as to where they can breastfeed. Just because it weirds-out people like me, or offends other's sense of modesty, doesn't mean that we should tell mothers where to feed their child. Don't like it? Don't do it, and don't watch others do it. No need to banish mothers to the restrooms.

In cases like The Shadow's bus experience, well... I'd just chalk that up to one of life's annoyances. Yeah, it may not be pleasant, but it's no traumatic experience either. Not all discomforts can be avoided. *shrug*

[AFPheonix]

It's a boob. I really don't have a problem with them as the owner of two myself.

I can't comprehend why people have such shit-fits over the human body. It's not like we don't all have nearly identical parts ourselves, why is it such a surprise when we see one slightly exposed in public?

[Lace Neil Singer]

The fact is, in the Western world, breasts are sexual. No, that's not their biological use, but it's a fact that they are. Otherwise, men's fap mags wouldn't have bare breasts in them, and wouldn't sell so well. After all, the Chinese used to sexualise feet, which are biologically used for walking on, not for sex. There's no point in denying this, and this is why in the Western world, people get so uncomfortable when breasts are bared.

There is no need to flash unsuspecting people when you feed your baby. As I said in the other thread, I saw this girl feeding her baby with the baby tucked inside her loose, flowing shirt. I happened to pass close enough to see; to the average passerby, the girl would just be giving her baby a skin to skin cuddle. It's just about being respectful to other human beings. After all, legally, I'm allowed to grope my boyf as long as we keep our clothes on; however, I don't. I keep that for private. XD

I understand that sometimes a baby needs to be fed, but I'm sure that most women would prefer to do so in a quiet out of the way spot, rather than right in front of a cast of thousands. And whipping your boobs out and challenging people not to stare just reminds me of the reference to "the elephant in the corner". I doubt that the majority of breast feeding mothers do that; sadly, the minority that do are just wrecking things for the respectful majority.

[The Shadow]

I can't comprehend why people have such shit-fits over the human body. It's not like we don't all have nearly identical parts ourselves, why is it such a surprise when we see one slightly exposed in public?

The problem is if someone gets caught looking, they're the ones thought of as rude or immature (especially guys) even though it's very difficult or even impossible not to in some situations -- like the experience I described for example.

IMO, anyone who chooses to expose themselves in public has no right to complain when people around you look. It's not fair to tell someone they have issues of seeing a normally covered part of a person's anatomy in public, and then turn around and complain they don't like being looked at.

You can't have it both ways.

[Skoobeedu]

I don't have a problem with breastfeeding in public, as a general rule. I nursed my son, but I did it in a way that you couldn't even tell that I was doing it. I remember sitting in Applebee's eating with one hand and nursing with the baby in my other and no one knew. But that's because I covered up. Personally, I don't want my boob hanging out all over the place.

On the other hand, I personally know people who try to expose themselves as much as possible. One did it to try to embarass her husband and anyone who was with them. Others I know make it their personal crusade to start an argument about the issue and so make a concerted effort to "expose" as much as they want, just daring someone to say something so that they can cry that their rights are being trampled on. There is no reason a baby needs to eat in a bathroom, but personally I think there's no reason that anyone should be able to see anything when nursing. It can be done discreetly. Some people just like to start an argument about it, in my experience.

[The Shadow]

And whipping your boobs out and challenging people not to stare just reminds me of the reference to "the elephant in the corner".

That's exactly the point I was trying to make...thank you!

And you don't even have to be staring to get dirty looks...sometimes merely *glancing*is enough to annoy them.

[Greenday]

It's one thing to feed your kid in public, but it's another just to let your boobs hang there for everyone to see but expect no one to look. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Life is unfair. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a little modest about it and your kid sure as hell won't care whether he's under a shirt or being hidden away as long as he's getting fed.

[Devilboy]

I would still have to agree with the breast pump idea.
When you're at home, feed directly from the breast all you want.
If you are going to be in public, use the pump before you leave the house.
Make sure that you always have a few bottles on hand.
It's still milk from your breasts, not formula or cow's milk... and you don't have to worry about any possibility of awkwardness.

That is exactly what my sister did with both my nephew and my niece.

[AFPheonix]

The problem is if someone gets caught looking, they're the ones thought of as rude or immature (especially guys) even though it's very difficult or even impossible not to in some situations -- like the experience I described for example.

IMO, anyone who chooses to expose themselves in public has no right to complain when people around you look. It's not fair to tell someone they have issues of seeing a normally covered part of a person's anatomy in public, and then turn around and complain they don't like being looked at.

You can't have it both ways.

But that's quite a different problem than the one that was presented in the OP. In your example, the person breast-feeding has the problem. In the OP, it is the person observing that has the problem. If someone feels comfortable to have their breasts exposed, then fine. But at some point, we as a culture really need to get over being so prudish.

[Sylvia727]

When you're at home, feed directly from the breast all you want.
If you are going to be in public, use the pump before you leave the house.

Firstly, those can hurt. I know my mom had trouble with hers, comfort wise. Another friend breastfed her baby for the mother-child bonding, which pumps denied. I can't watch anyone pump without being reminded of a cow factory, with cattle lined up on conveyor belts. Moooo. I can certainly see why a mother might choose not to use one.

Secondly, why should the mother have to bother with all of that? She's not hurting anyone. Discretion is simple enough to achieve with a blankie or a loose jacket. I see mothers breastfeeding in restaurants or shopping malls frequently. Most of them cover up, and for the ones that don't, there isn't that much visible anyway. The baby's head blocks sight of the areola, and there's generally less skin exposed than the average bikini. I could see a case being made that it would ruin the atmosphere of an expensive lounge, but anyone that's kid-friendly in the first place shouldn't be formal for breastfeeding.

Of course, any woman who bares skin loses the right be offended when passerby look at her. That's not giving them license to be rude or creepy about it. Some people do stare, and make the woman uncomfortable. If you wouldn't do it to a woman in a low cut top, don't do it to a breastfeeding mother.

[Gilgamesh]

As I said on the original thread, breastfeeding in public doesn't bother me, but it's obvious that other people can feel very differently. I think the act is natural (not that anyone is denying it), but nowadays breasts are often seen as mainly sexual (even more so in the US than here, I believe). It might be easiest for me to make a little list:

1. It's natural, but people will look - not necessarily stare - and if you're not perfectly comfortable with it, cover up.

2. Many people are bothered even by the chance of seeing a nipple in public. Some might complain. Accept it.

3. Don't "abuse" the right to breastfeed in public. It's not a statement, it's food. Don't make it harder for other mothers to feed their babies.

4. The baby might prefer having a quiet meal, so feeding in public shouldn't be the first option. again, not a statement.

5. Whipping out your breasts in public and getting belligerent when others notice it? You, "lady", are a fucking moron. See 1 & 2.

[BlaqueKatt]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a little modest about it and your kid sure as hell won't care whether he's under a shirt or being hidden away as long as he's getting fed.

actually my son would object to being covered by anything-he'd either flip it off or scream-loudly-you want to eat your dinner under a blanket? It's hot for one thing, and my son HAD to have eye contact. I know a lot of women that had this same problem.

I would still have to agree with the breast pump idea.
When you're at home, feed directly from the breast all you want.
If you are going to be in public, use the pump before you leave the house.
Make sure that you always have a few bottles on hand.

And what about people like me, not all women CAN pump-I actually pumped for two hours straight(hospital grade pump)-got one ounce, my son was allergic to anything other than breast milk I suppose I should've just stayed home. Rather than allow someone to *gasp* see a breast being used for it's INTENDED purpose And why should I HAVE to buy bottles-and wash them when the milk supply comes with it's own handy dispenser that goes wherever I do? Just because it worked for your sister does NOT mean all women are like your sister there are women(myself included-I pumped one side while nursing my son on the other as my lactation consultant suggested-didn't work) who cannot "let down*" for a pump AT ALL.

Not to mention some babies will NOT take bottles, From breastfeeding myths (# 9 which talks about nipple confusion) -"A baby who has had only the breast for 3 or 4 months is unlikely to take the bottle."

When my son had to have an upper GI x-ray they tried putting the barium in a bottle(he was 9 months old)-he refused, I poured it into a regular cup and he did just fine.

*"Let Down" is the term used for the body releasing the milk to flow

[AdminAssistant]

This has to be a situation of mutual respect. I respect the fact that a mother has to feed her child, she respects the fact that I may not wish to witness said event by doing this as discreetly as possible. I personally find it a bit...gross.

A related topic that bothers me is when women who breast-feed attack/berate/yell at/insult women who bottle-feed/formula-feed. My sister tried breast feeding. She tried using a pump when she went back to work. She wasn't making enough milk to feed her son. She switched to formula. I don't think she got too many snarky comments, but there is a definite bias against women who don't breast-feed. It's up to the mother.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I've seen that in other forums. One woman went as far as to say that any mother who chooses formula over breast is guilty of child abuse. *major eye roll* My mum could not breast feed beyond first milk. Myself and all my brothers were raised on formula, and we're all healthy. My niece gets both, cuz get this; my sister in law and brother share feeding duties and breast pumps are yuck. XD

As for "my baby doesn't like being covered up/wants eye contact" then the answer is simple; don't feed in public. Try and fit your life around your baby, not the other way round. Also, it seems to me that a baby who makes a fuss about being fed under cover has been allowed to act that way; if you only fed him under cover, he'd soon stop making the fuss. Just like not allowing a toddler to shriek loudly in a supermarket. The fact is, we all have to share this world together, and the word is compromise.

3. Don't "abuse" the right to breastfeed in public. It's not a statement, it's food. Don't make it harder for other mothers to feed their babies.

This. By insisting on flashing the public, making a giant fuss or insisting that you have the right to do it everywhere regardless of what other people might think, you are not helping the cause, you are hindering it. Just like the feminists who vilify men are not helping the feminist cause.