My Thanksgiving

[sophie]

Anyone that's read my previous threads knows I was born in another country(and continent). This year I had thanksgiving with my husband and his family, their all American.
I was out of my depth completely. My poor brain almost broke because I'm not used to men and women talking together before dinner and all the tea was iced. Mostly it when well.
Expect for when we sat down at the table, his aunt(I think, or maybe cousin) looks me up and down and says "So what are you?". That's her was of asking where I'm from, I tell her where I'm from. Then she starts again " I know someone who married a man from there, he got her pregnant then took her to that country, everyone thought she would die there. It's on the governments do not travel list. I would never go to such a horrible place" at this point I stopped listening.
Other than that little gem everyone was nice. My brain still hurts though.
And being referred as my husbands new wife , second wife or worse his other wife, seriously people he divorced that crazy lady that means I am his wife there shouldn't be a prefix.

[Greenday]

Hot drinks in America tend to be more of an after dinner drink. And then Thanksgiving tends to be a "hang out all day, watch football and get fat" type of day.

In-laws seem to be quite rude though.

[BlaqueKatt]

And being referred as my husbands new wife , second wife or worse his other wife, seriously people he divorced that crazy lady that means I am his wife there shouldn't be a prefix.

I've had 3 husbands, I add the prefix because if I haven't spoken to aunt Mavis in 6 years and someone refers to my "husband" I'd rather she know it's my new husband and not assume it's the one that broke my arm and three ribs. Would you prefer someone get the impression that you're the psycho crazy lady, because they had no idea he was divorced and remarried? Because Americans can and some do go years or decades without seeing or speaking to family members for various reasons. Being introduced as his new or second wife isn't an insult, it's just a descriptive term to differentiate you from the ex-wife, no different than saying about a group of women "the one wearing the red shoes and white sweater is sally".

[HYHYBT]

Well, that depends. If it's just a matter of being introduced to people who may only know about the first wife, and not well enough to realize you're not her without being told, that's one thing. But going on about it, or about how awful someone's home country is (especially if you've never been there) is pretty bad.

[sophie]

Everyone there talks on a weekly basis, they all personally knew the ex and still live in the same town as her. They use it in weird ways too for example." Can your new wife hand me the butter?"
Some wouldn't speak to me directly maybe I look like I bite or something

[Aethian]

Or they are just assholes.

[Andara Bledin]

I would totally answer, "The new wife has a name, and if you would be so kind as to make some effort to remember what it is, you could ask me directly."

Of course, I'm known for being rather less delicate than most when it comes to things like this.

[wolfie]

They use it in weird ways too for example." Can your new wife hand me the butter?"

I would totally answer, "The new wife has a name, and if you would be so kind as to make some effort to remember what it is, you could ask me directly."

Andara, considering the in-law said they wanted to be handed the butter, and made no mention of the dish that held it, would you oblige under these circumstances?

[AccountingDrone]

I would insist on my spouse being called or mentioned by name, and if someone wants the whatever passed, they can ask my spouse by name politely.

I have walked up to the father of an exboyfriend, stuck my hand out and introduced myself rather loudly - Hi, My name is Margali, I can only assume that you didn't hear Eric introduce me to your wife Jane. Very glad to meet you.

In the setting, it was highly rude not to be addressed by name, but talked about past my face, so I figured rude is as rude does.

[Tanasi]

It seems when it comes to family a lot of manners are thrown out the window. I don't think offense was intended but doesn't stop it or make it hurt less. I can only say to try to be patient and forgiving.
Iced tea is very common in some parts of this country, around my AO ice-tea is assumed when you order it, if you want hot tea then you have to say I want hot tea. Now up in yankeeland it's almost the opposite. I don't care for hot or warm drinks and I'll even drink ice tea on snowy and icey days. Welcome to America.

[XCashier]

Andara, considering the in-law said they wanted to be handed the butter, and made no mention of the dish that held it, would you oblige under these circumstances?

Then Sophie could call the in-law "butterfingers"!

But seriously, this could've been a nice occasion to introduce Sophie to a long-cherished American holiday. Instead, some rude in-laws just had to make her feel uncomfortable. The tea thing is just a cultural difference, but the blatant rudeness was just not right at all.

[cindybubbles]

I've never heard of having iced tea for Thanksgiving.

Pumpkin pie and turkey, I understand, but I thought we drank something warmer in North America.

Although I could understand drinking iced tea for Thanksgiving in Canada. We celebrate Thanksgiving in October, so it's not cold enough there to warrant the drinking of hot beverages 24/7. But in the US?

[HYHYBT]

I don't know how you do things in Canada, but where I live, we celebrate Thanksgiving indoors where it's warm

[ExRetailDrone]

I've never heard of having iced tea for Thanksgiving.

Pumpkin pie and turkey, I understand, but I thought we drank something warmer in North America.

Although I could understand drinking iced tea for Thanksgiving in Canada. We celebrate Thanksgiving in October, so it's not cold enough there to warrant the drinking of hot beverages 24/7. But in the US?

The US is huge and stretches quite far south, so some areas usually don't ever get all that cold (this winter being an exception in many places seemingly).

[Tanasi]

To a lot of southern folks tea is only served iced and never warm. Personally I don't care for warm drinks. I don't like coffee at all and while I do like cocoa I'd rather it be cool than hot.
Now this is going to sound strange and it might be but back when I still hunted on cold days I carried a thermos bottle full of egg-drop soup from my favorite Chinese rest. I could sip on it and stay warm and my nose didn't run. Now you ask why??? When hunting part of the hunters arsenal is his nose and if it's running you can't smell as well. The only thing I've found that is warm and drinkable is egg-drop soup. For some reason Hot-and-sour soup gives me the hicoughs.