Family Squabble

[blas87]

It's me and my cat versus my parents. And I'm bound to lose.

Long story short, Baby the cat is the stray kitten our neighbor found under his porch and gave to us 9 1/2 years ago.

My parents never had her fixed or declawed, and never asked me as a teen (even when I had my first jobs and I had only gas in the tank and car insurance for bills to pay) to pay and have her have the procedures done. When I first was going to move out of my parents' house at 19, they were disappointed that I didn't get a pet-friendly place, but understood the cost and difficulty in finding one, so they kept her and didn't complain about her not being declawed. Still did not have her fixed or declawed, still did not ask me to pay for it.

A few incidents here and there have led to the straw that broke the camel's back. Baby started scratching all three of my parents' antique china hutches, despite all attempts to stop her from it. She is living in the basement right now, where her food and kittybox and her little house are.

This morning, Mom demanded that I make an appointment and pay to have her declawed, since she's "my" cat. Even though I can't have her here, and I already re-newed my lease for another year, so even if I did find a new place that I could have her, it wouldn't be until spring of 2012.

Dad tried to reason with mom and say that I should just pay half, and do it when I can. Mom started in on the drama act with how I can afford to shop or do whatever but I won't pay for this, oh and by the way I still owe her this month's payment on that loan she gave me. Rich, mom, rich, any time you get mad you love to throw in that I owe you money. Sometimes I swear she's so eager to help me financially just so she can scream that I owe her money when she gets mad at me.

They had me calling vets all morning, to price it out and to see if they'd do it. Not a single vet recommends it. Not that they won't do it, but she's so old and she's never had any kind of procedures done, it's just not right and it's downright risky at her age. Not a single vet recommends doing it. I tried to call mom and tell her, she just screamed at me that I was either making that up just to get out of it, and that "Well, they don't have a cat tearing up their house!"

I will admit my own fault and responsibility. At any time since I was a teen, I could have done it. I could have. I could have afforded it more back then. I could have done it when she was 2, 3, even 4 or 5 and it would have been fine.

But so could my parents.

I would understand if they had even asked me to when I was younger. They never did. Every once in a while they threatened to "Get rid of her!" if I didn't find a pet friendly apartment "next time", but I knew they wouldn't really do that. Now I'm not so sure. If I don't pay, they'll throw her outside once it's spring and let her fend for herself, and she'll most likely get ran over or infected by some other wild creature that lives in the woods, or run away.

I am so upset.

[AdminAssistant]

It would be better to take her to a no-kill shelter than to do the equivalent of cutting off the tips of her fingers, IMO. While she should have been fixed when she was younger, declawing is cruel and unusual punishment done only for the convenience of humans.

There are little plastic things that they can affix to claws so that the kitty can't scratch.

[blas87]

I don't think taking her to a shelter is a good idea. No one would want her. She's a very, very tempermental cat and she's only used to her family. And I actually believe she'd die without the dog. She has always thought that the dog is her mother, and seeing what she's done when Bear has been at the vet for a day or two (not eating at all and hiding in corners and places where no human can get into), it would be her demise going somewhere else.

[Andara Bledin]

What AA said. It's actually illegal in some countries, and a lot of vets won't do it any more.

There are claw covers, claw trimmers, and does she have enough sanctioned scratching places available to her?

If this is something she just started doing out of the blue, it's either a sign that something in the household changed and she's showing anxiety, or it could be a sign of some physical issue. Cats tend to hide when they're sick, and a change in their behavior is often the only sign that they're not feeling well.

Rich, mom, rich, any time you get mad you love to throw in that I owe you money. Sometimes I swear she's so eager to help me financially just so she can scream that I owe her money when she gets mad at me.

Based only on what you've posted here and in other threads, I'd say this is probably the case. It's a technique for exerting control.

^-.-^

[Greenday]

Tell your dad the cat is now a family heirloom and he won't throw your cat out.

(God I hope I'm recalling who started that thread correctly)

[blas87]

Baby has always been a scratcher. She's had stratching posts, which she's refused to use, my parents bought her an Emery board but as soon as the catnip wears off she won't use it anymore until they put more catnip on it. I don't know what it is about that wood, but that's what she likes.

They've trimmed her claws and attempted a Pedi paws on her, also.

LOL Greenday, I love you dearly, but Family Heirloom* only works on Grandpa, not Dad. With Dad, I'll have to tell him that we can still find some sort of use out of her. If I tried to tell them she was a family heirloom, they wouldn't listen to me, that's not my call to make, it's Grandpa's.

[HYHYBT]

If I were in your cat's place (but still able to comprehend the situation) I'd rather have the ends of my fingers cut off, even with the pain and even with the risk of surgery at that age, to keep my home than be dumped with strangers (and, as you say, almost certainly never adopted) or thrown out on the street to die. Vets don't recommend declawing, for very good reasons... but I suspect that if you find one with the time and interest to listen to your story, they'll agree it's the least worst of a very bad list of choices.

(And, though I've never met her and rarely hate anybody, I'm coming to hate your mother. Sorry.)

[blas87]

No worries, I take no offense. At least my dad is willing to compromise and he is trying to work and be like a mediator. But in that house, if Mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy.

Bf made me feel a little better, I vented to him a tad, which I feel bad for because he has enough to worry about with his own family and full time school and work, but he took it well and said "Well, you know how it goes at my house.....just do what I do, let her have her little fits and say what she wants, do your best to not say anything, no matter how much it makes you mad or how much you want to say something, and just walk away."

If my parents do make an appointment, I am going to give them a call and explain the situation. I'd rather not explain it to any random vet on the phone, if they weren't the ones I was going to go with.

And please don't read what I wrote above incorrectly. Shelter animals are not damaged goods and DO get adopted, I simply meant that my cat would never be adopted. I know this without having to or wanting to try. It would literally be the end of her. I know for a fact that NO ONE would want her. I am the only person who wants her. My parents don't have the heart to throw her outside in the winter, but that doesn't mean in three months they won't.

[BlaqueKatt]

info on declawing and soft paws here written by a vet.

see if you can find a vet that will perform a Flexor tendonectomy-that is easier on the cat, and won't alter behaviour(one of my cats after my husband had it declawed-refused to ever use the litterbox again-litter got in the incisions, got infected and he needed 3 more surgeries, he associated litterbox with pain, and quit using it)-they keep their claws, but can't extend them.

Print this up and have your mom read it.

Removal of the last digits of the toes drastically alters the conformation of their feet and causes the feet to meet the ground at an unnatural angle that can cause back pain similar to that in humans caused by wearing improper shoes.

Contrary to most people's understanding, declawing consists of amputating not just the claws, but the whole phalanx (up to the joint), including bones, ligaments, and tendons! To remove the claw, the bone, nerve, joint capsule, collateral ligaments, and the extensor and flexor tendons must all be amputated. Thus declawing is not a “simple”, single surgery but 10 separate, painful amputations of the third phalanx up to the last joint of each toe. A graphic comparison in human terms would be the cutting off of a person's finger at the last joint of each finger.

[Mikkel]

I don't remember how you live, if I have ever known, but if there are no room mates to be considered, you could try speaking with the landlord. You might get a dispensation. At least I have known several people who were allowed to keep a pet until it died a natural death, even when pets weren't allowed.

[blas87]

The property management company here is more than ridiculous, I'd probably see an eviction notice on my door if I dared ask for a pet. I'm not allowed to have candles, Drano, or those automatic shower cleaners, I sincerely doubt they'd ever make an exception for a pet.

Parents agreed to what Katt described if we can find a vet that would do it. So far, no vets around here do that procedure.

Oh, and we're acquiring another cat. This should be just wonderful.....if she wasn't tearing shit up before, she'll really be angry now.

[telecom_goddess]

you can't have auto shower cleaners EITHER? and just what is the point behind that?

Off topic I know but damn your apartment complex is unbelievable.

If you used one of those cleaners how would they even know?

[Andara Bledin]

you can't have auto shower cleaners EITHER? and just what is the point behind that?

Off topic I know but damn your apartment complex is unbelievable.

Very old plumbing. The pipe material can't handle the chemicals in a lot of those products, so using them causes the pipes to degrade and will lead to much bigger issues. Considering what else she's said about the people running that place, I sure as hell wouldn't chance having to not drain any water for days while they get it fixed.

If some people in the complex can have animals but others can't based on "not allowed," that might be something to bring up with whatever your local housing advocacy group is. There might be a discrimination case in the works, although the net effect would most likely be the animal owners being forced to give up their pets, so one would have to weight the pros and cons carefully before proceeding.

^-.-^

[blas87]

Andara has it right, her version is a more elaborated one of what my parents told me when I asked them why in the world they wouldn't allow that.

Although the official excuse on the lease is that the chemicals in that stuff ruins porcelain. No, it doesn't. It's an excuse for them to be control freaks, and go beyond just being a landlord and to be able to control every aspect of your renting.

The candles, is because they are worried about fire (well duh) and soot. I am not a candle person, but I do have a couple from Party Lite (step grandma is a big freak with that stuff). Party Lite candles are soot-free, these aren't cheapy Wal-Mart candles.

The Drano/Liquid Plummer is also because it will "ruin" the plumbing, although my parents assured me that as long as you aren't using it more than a few times a year and you thoroughly flush it down with hot water when you're done, it's fine and won't hurt anything. Also, the way I see it, I am a long haired female who sheds like a golden retriever and I also shave my legs and other areas often. That drain WILL get clogged no matter what, it's more than inevitable. They want us to call anytime there is any kind of clog, but I am not going to wait hours for maintenance to come unclog my bathtub, when half a bottle of Drano will cure it for 6 months. Besides, after what they did with my sink (using my TOILET PLUNGER for a clog that didn't even exist), there is no way I am calling them unless I have a clog that is beyond curable with Drano.

Oh, for the record, no one is allowed pets. Period. So we don't have to worry about that part, no one is allowed exceptions. These are not pet friendly people that run this company.

[Peppergirl]

Oh, and we're acquiring another cat. This should be just wonderful.....if she wasn't tearing shit up before, she'll really be angry now.

Wait. What????

Why in God's name would your mom do this right now??

How old is she, Blas? Could she be going through menopause? She seems to be acting even more ornery than usual. I only ask because my mom acted batshit when she went through it.

I just...GAH...I can't even form words right now. Getting another cat? Ugh.