My gaming group

[MaggieTheCat]

I'm pretty sure I've ranted about my gaming group here or on CS before. I know I've ranted about one of our members, K, who wouldn't be on time to his own trial if his life depended on it.

Lately, they've been annoying me because they're unresponsive to me. Usually I send out an email mid-late week to talk about when and where we're going to game. It's usually only a matter of "where" since we mostly only game on Sunday afternoons at the same time. I'll send out a very generic email -- "Hey guys, where are we playing this weekend?" and not get a response. My husband can send out the same email, worded slightly different -- "So whose house are we gaming at this weekend?" and within half an hour he'll have three responses. I don't get it.

Sometimes we host a "Friday night game night" at our place. This is for oddball games other than pen and paper RPGs. Card games, board games, video games, whatever we feel like. We do it maybe once or twice a month and I almost always make dinner for everyone. About three weeks ago during our normal Sunday D&D session, I asked the guys if they wanted to do a Friday night game night the following Friday. Everyone said sure, sounds good, they just needed to check their schedules and get back to me. So on Tuesday I sent out the email inviting everyone over and asking everyone to respond when they knew whether or not they could come so I'd know how much food to make.

By Friday afternoon, I still had only heard one response from one person saying he couldn't make it. There were still like 6 other people I was waiting to hear from (we invite more people to Friday games, since some of our friends don't play D&D but do like to come hang out if we're not actually gaming.) I had to get my husband to hound all of them individually, either by tracking them down in person (he works with a lot of them) and asking them, or by sending them texts.

This week, one of our normal D&D members is going to be out of town for the weekend so we won't be playing D&D, but we had all talked about getting together anyway and doing something. I suggested playing Arkham Horror, a board game that I have that I've only really ever played twice. I always ask if people want to play it when we have Friday night game night, but everyone always says it takes too long to set up and play. So I figured playing it on a Sunday afternoon would be perfect, since no one had anything going on Sunday night so we could take as long as we wanted. The rest of our gaming group all agreed, they'd like to try it and it'd be a good chance to since we'd have plenty of time.

So, I send out the email. "Hey guys, wanna come over to our place Sunday afternoon to play some Arkham Horror?"

That was on Tuesday. Nobody responded.

This morning, my husband sent an email to the group. "Hey guys, since we all have DSs and Dragon Quest 9, we could all play that together instead!"

Within 10 minutes, both of the guys who are free this weekend responded and said that would be great.

It just makes me frustrated that they seem to brush me off and don't bother responding to my emails, but as soon as my husband sends one, they jump on it. I told him he can send out the weekly "where are we playing this weekend" emails instead since nobody ever bothers responding to mine until he asks himself anyway.

[blas87]

Sounds like some of your "friends" have an issue with you or a lack of respect for you. That is incredibly rude and childish of them.

[Andara Bledin]

It's possible that it could be nothing more than timing.

I'm a terrible procrastinator (meaning I'm great at procrastinating), so I'll often not respond to emails right away, even though I know I should. Although I'm nowhere near as bad as your group appears to be.

^-.-^

[Hyena Dandy]

I hate when people are unresponsive, especially when you're trying to organize something. I send out a group text to see who's coming, and I still have no idea who'll be there until an hour after gaming starts!

Yeah, but its ounds like you need to talk to your gaming group...

[patiokitty]

The only other thing I could think of is that I've noticed that many gamer guys don't tend to take gamer girls seriously. I ran into that a lot when I was still gaming - I'd be coming up with all sorts of ideas but they would be ignored until one of my guy friends would repeat them. Just like I am met with blank looks when I go into any of our local game stores and make it clear that I'm there for myself.

[Greenday]

Usually I send out an email

I'll send out a very generic email

So on Tuesday I sent out the email

So, I send out the email.

I've discovered the problem.

by tracking them down in person (he works with a lot of them) and asking them, or by sending them texts.

And I've also discovered the solution.

People actually email these days to set up plans? Only time I use emial to talk to people are for work and to talk to my dad (since he doesn't have AIM, skype, or facebook and I can't make many phone calls).

If they are answering your husband but not you, maybe you are being caught up by spam filters.

[Andara Bledin]

Why, yes, people do still email, all the time, to set up plans.

Texts scroll right away if you get a few. Email can be saved, filed, sorted, starred, searched... a lot more utility than texts or IMs.

^-.-^

[Greenday]

IMs are right there in front of you. It's an active conversation so you can't miss them if you are there.

Texts get sent to your cell phone, which most people have on or near them at all times. And it's not complicated so you don't just miss a text you know you have.

Emails take the most work to get to in order to access it.

Facebook is so ridiculously easy I'm not even getting into it.

[Andara Bledin]

It takes as little effort for me to get my email as it does for me to get a text. They're on the same drop-down on my phone. Any me email is still a magnitude more powerful than IMs and Texts combined.

If I don't want to answer an IM or Text when I first get it, there's nothing to tell me it was there later on. An email will be in my inbox until I deal with it.

This isn't a difficult concept.

^-.-^

[MaggieTheCat]

They are about three times worse responding to texts and FB messages, trust me. One of the guys checks his FB about once a month. Another checks it a few times a year, if that. All of them have a tendency to lose their phones/leave the at the office when they're home/leave them at home when they're in the office/etc. The one person my husband texted a few weeks ago still took 6 hours to get back to us, on the day of the event in question. There have been a few times when I've texted the group to make a last minute change in the plans but they never bother to check their phones, so they show up at the wrong time/wrong location/whatever.

We have always used email to set up our gaming sessions. They respond to my husband's emails. My husband and I use the same mail server, a private one that he set up, plus the group gets my emails, they TELL me they get my emails, they just don't bother to respond to them.

I think they respect me as a gaming girl; at least, they act like they do. I think whoever said they are terrible procrastinators nailed it on the head. They don't respond until they're hounded or asked 3-4 times, and by then I'm usually sick of asking myself so my husband is the one to make the third or fourth attempt.

[Andara Bledin]

I have a problem responding in a timely manner a lot, too. However, I often will make a point of responding to the first person to contact me to let them know that I did receive their message, and it's not their fault I didn't respond immediately.

*shrug*

^-.-^

[HYHYBT]

Some problems with texts: there is often a charge for them; when there isn't, there's a limit to how many you can get. Also, if the phone is off or has no signal*, the text simply vanishes without a trace; email waits for you.

*no signal isn't a problem nearly as often as it used to be, but it does still happen... and there are any number of good reasons someone might turn the phone off. For example, the battery may be low and they either don't want to listen to its warning beep or want to conserve what's left in case they need to make a call before getting a chance to charge it. Or maybe they want to make very sure it doesn't go off in an inappropriate place; on my current one, even "silent" does not guarantee this, as it has buttons on the outside of the flip which cannot be disabled and which, if bumped, make it play music.

[Mytical]

You'd have trouble getting ahold of me by email or text. IM or PM would be the way to get my attention. Simply because I dislike phones a LOT, and I check my email once every third blue moon or some such. As for facebook..think I last went on there to put my status to single when me and Wenchie split up. Besides putting my status to 'in a relationship', the time before that was for a similar reason..different person. Use to all the time to play the mini games, but meh.

Right now, I wish I lived by ANY gamers. Male, female..doesn't matter. . Down to all acquaintances and ZERO friends in the area.

[LexiaFira]

would suggest to just get your hubs to email them instead or....stop gaming for a while with them just to see if they go hey wait what happened.

But thats only a suggestion as that would also mean if those are the only people who you game with it would mean several or just one weekend of no games just hanging out.

or say. well since you guys aren't responding i guess that means i don't have to cook a meal for this weekend or set up gaming. If they really like playing or gaming then not going is actually their loss.

other than that, its very rude to you. You don't game at someone's house and only respond to the one spouse or the other and not treat BOTH equally in courtesy. even if its just over email. I could see the one or two times as fluke or oops i just missed it sorry.
but every time. rude. and if its more trouble just to get a response to know when to set up its not worth continuing? but thats coming from me and the fact that my area is not a gamer town sadly