Punishment for kids

[MaggieTheCat]

This is a story about my brother's girlfriend and her daughter, as told to me by my mom.

BGF - Brother's girlfriend
D - BGF's daughter (she's about 10 years old)

Quick background: My family lives in Wisconsin, where there's still snow on the ground and it's relatively cold out. Also, note that D loves flip-flops. She hates wearing regular shoes and will go barefoot whenever she can, or else wear flip-flops when the weather is nice.

My mom was out shopping at Wal-Mart with BGF and D the other day. They were walking down an aisle when BGF suddenly announced, rather triumphantly, "D had all of her flip-flops thrown away a few days ago!" My mom asked her why, and BGF replied that it's because D lied to her. Meanwhile, D is standing there with a sad look on her face, looking hurt.

Apparently, one day last week, D came home from school and asked her mom if she could wear flip-flops to school. Apparently some of her friends had started wearing flip-flops and D wanted to as well. But BGF said no, it's still too cold out.

Well, the next day, BGF noticed that one of D's pairs of flip-flops was missing (she had like ten pairs.) When D got home from school that day, BGF said, "What do you have in your backpack?" D replied that she had her normal things, books, folders, stuff for school.

BGF: So if I were to look in your backpack right now, that's all I'd find?
D: Yes.
BGF: Okay, give me your backpack so I can look through it.

Well, of course, she found a pair of flip flops that D had taken and worn when she got to school. Because D had lied about the contents of her backpack, BGF threw all of her flip-flops in the garbage and told her she couldn't have any more until next summer.

This whole story got related to my mom in the middle of Wal-Mart, while D was listening and very obviously trying not to cry.

So I ask the parents of the board: Was that punishment a little harsh? It seems like it was pretty over the top to me, but I'm not a parent. I also thought it was pretty degrading of BGF to tell this story to my mom in the middle of the store, while D was standing there, obviously upset about it.

[AdminAssistant]

The telling of it in the store was maybe a bit harsh, as was throwing out *all* of the flip-flops. But, D did lie and she should be punished for that. I probably would have confiscated all of the flip-flops and not given them back for a long time. (Not to mention the fact that those things can't be good for kids to wear all the time.)

[IDrinkaRum]

Crowing about it in Wal-Mart was way harsh. As for throwing out all the flip-flops? Way too harsh and over the top. It will make D that much more adept at hiding things from her mother. Way to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

When Child Rum acts really out of control, her favorite toy du jour, is put into "time out". Now, BGF shouldn't have to put her daughter's flip-flops into time out, but she should have held on to them until the first day of summer.

Yeah, not real impressed with BGF right now.

[BlaqueKatt]

I lost all my barbie dolls(as in they were taken and donated to goodwill), because I didn't clean my playroom-we're talking 25-30 barbies, and all the accessories that were not in the toybox.

So no I don't think it was too harsh.

And flip-flops are horrible for your feet, as in they can do permanent damage, as in chronic tendinitis, planar facistis, or overuse injuries not only in the ankle but also the knee, the hip and the back.

[telecom_goddess]

I think it was to harsh, that's something my mother would have done, and it didn't help me at all it just made me hate my life.

And while I generally love flip flops I have been unable to wear them as I get older cause they are starting to hurt my feet...I find I need the support of athletic shoes. But I hate wearing shoes in general

[Boozy]

And flip-flops are horrible for your feet, as in they can do permanent damage, as in chronic tendinitis, planar facistis, or overuse injuries not only in the ankle but also the knee, the hip and the back.

Agreed - I'm glad her mom tossed the flip-flops in the trash where they belong, whatever the reason. Growing children with developing feet need supportive shoes.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

The punishment is senseless and stupid. It's only going to teach her to be more sneaky and have a story ready. Like take a pair of flip flops to school, hide them in her locker, claim she misplaced them, and then bring them back home some time later and claim to have "found" them.

It isn't too cold for flip flops anyway. I've been in jeans and birkenstock sandals for about the past week. But when I was outside last it was overcast and the wind had shifted, so maybe I should put on socks and proper shoes.

Plus a new pair of flip flops is what, $2? BGF will just buy her new ones. Maybe not as many as she had, but enough so she has them to wear. Putting them away until the weather became warmer and stayed warmer would've been fine. And wearing them all the time is bad for her feet. There are sandals out there that may be more expensive but offer better support.

Bragging about the punishment in a public place could be uncalled for as well, but it probably would've worked on me, since shame was a powerful motivator to me. If D is the same way, it might lead her to honesty and better behavior.

[Rageaholic]

I vote for too harsh. This may have been justified if the daughter had developed a pattern of lying and this was the last straw, but since it sounds like this was her first instance. Is lying about bringing sandles to school really that henious? I could understand a warning or some fairer punishment, but that just sounds harsh for the sake of being harsh.

[Andara Bledin]

On topic, the whole crowing about the punishment is flat out childish and the woman in question could use a time out. Plus, the punishment is way over the top, particularly if it's a first offense.

I agree with the others: The only thing that will be learned here is for the girl in question to learn how to lie and hide her misdeeds better.

Just a question about flip flops being bad for the feet... Does that mean we should ban kids running around barefoot, since they get no support from the ground?

If you normally run around barefoot, flat shoes are not an issue. And unless your shoes have decent support (which a lot of shoes just plain don't), then it's still not the issue they make it out to be. Most of the articles I found parrot the same one or two talking points, one of which is that going from heels to flats causes strain - not because the flats are bad, but because the wearer has made their feet need the support provided by heels.

^-.-^

[blas87]

Maggie, our families have to be related somehow. That stunt is practically torn right out of my mother's mental "guidebook" to shitty (but in her words, effective) parenting. The only difference is my family was too poor to waste good clothing.

I didn't have much to be taken away from me, and we were way too poor so there was no way my parents would throw away anything of clothing items, but I suffered so many groundings and never-ending mental punishments for stupid offenses that I can't even fathom having children because I'm terrified I'll be as much of an overbearing quaker as my mother and father.

[HYHYBT]

Wearing flip-flops isn't like going barefoot. There's usually that strap between the toes, and even when there isn't, the feet (or at least my feet) have to work a bit in ways they don't otherwise.

I like having them around, because I don't normally wear shoes in the house and it's handy to be able to slip on flip-flops if I'm just going to, say, get the mail... but anything much more than that, regular shoes are far less tiring.

[Mishi]

I also think that it's too harsh, especially her mother crowing childishly in the store about it. Sounds like some of the stuff my mother did, except she usually 'disappered' things that either she didn't like or we loved, just because we loved it. (One of my dogs, one of my sister's dogs and refusing to provide adequate healthcare for three of the others). She's a kid, she's going to test the boundaries every now and then. Now she knows that she needs to be sneaky and to try to never be caught.

In our house, if items are being taken away as punishment, then it's usually for a week and only if necessary. Though I did find that putting a toy in timeout or giving it a smack is a good way to ensure that my kids don't try throw things when they're annoyed. Thanks IDrinkaRum!

[AdminAssistant]

As far as the flip-flops/bare feet thing goes, I had the redneckiest of upbringings, and my mom still made sure I put on a pair of real shoes before I went outside. Later, I seem to remember having some of those sandals with the velcro straps. I'm not overprotective, but I also really don't want a kid to have to get stitches on the bottom of their feet.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I think blathering what should be private in public was poor form, and throwing away a kid's stuff is rather traumatic. However, we don't know if the mom had been down this road before and threw them away in response to an ultimatum.

But she should have kept her mouth shut about it.

However, the kid shouldn't have been wearing flip flops that much to begin with. They're terrible for a number of reasons. But not because they don't have support.

The foot does not need support. It's made with it's own built in support, that should be used. Most common foot and knee problems are from wearing "supportive" shoes. I look for flat shoes with soft, flexible soles for my kid. Heck, that's what I look for for myself if I'm looking for something I plan to wear a lot.

I'm very minimalist when it comes to shoes.

[MaggieTheCat]

I'm pretty sure D isn't a chronic liar. Granted I haven't seen her in about a year and a half now, so she could have changed, but she was always a really good kid. Quiet, well mannered, and I've never heard of obedience problems. My mom is really close to my brother and BGF and I'm really close to my mom, so I'd probably have heard if D suddenly had a change in attitude. It's possible but not likely from what I know of her.

I hate flip flops myself and never wear them, I think they're horribly uncomfortable. But I don't really care what the item in question is, I think throwing her stuff out for lying once about it is overboard.