Prayers Needed

[Skunkle]

I'm praying for a safe recovery, that this will wake him up and that, if this doesn't wake him up and he goes right back to his hard living, you walk away. If he won't listen to you, won't listen to anyone else, and a bit of a wake-up call has no effect, it might be best to just walk away. Honestly, though, I hope this works and gets him on a better track.

I do not believe in the idea that you can wish for something bad to happen to someone and, by way of this, make it come true. I DO believe that, if enough people wish for someone to get that could-have-been-much-worse jolt to the noggin as the proverbial wake-up call, that that CAN happen - but if this does really occur, I'm strong in my belief that what's thrown at the person is something they'll recover from quickly.

[RootedPhoenix]

I'll be praying.

This isn't easy stuff. Be gentle with yourself.

[blas87]

This is my designated week off of work. Funny how it worked out that he got into an accident the week before, now it seems I get to spend the whole week off (save for when I want to work out or go home and do some stuff alone) helping him out. Oh he is getting on my last nerve.

I feel kinda bad for his parents because they already have their hands full taking care of his grandmother and now him.

I know I'm going to sound like a horrible person, but he's just been a huge pain in my ass since Friday night. I haven't slept well at all. I can't sleep around him because he is in so much pain that he's always shaking or has to get up to pee, so I have to help him get his brace on and get his crutches and help him up.

I think we really over-did it trying to go out to eat last night. He was in good spirits though, glad to be out of the house and he didn't mind being asked questions and he liked all the attention he was getting from the staff at the restaurants. It seemed like everyone wanted to see the guy from the car accident.

His parents have this ancient wheelchair for his grandma. That thing has to be at least 50 or more pounds, and it doesn't even hardly fit in my trunk. His crutches are on the tallest setting, so they don't fit in there very well, either, and I have a midsize car.

He got really verbally abusive with his doctor, so they cut him off his pain meds. He only gets half of what he was getting, so his dad has came up with a cocktail of OTC pain meds he can take in 4-6 hourly intervals. He knows what he's doing he's a pharmacist. There's nothing his dad can do regarding the doctor, my bf really pissed the guy off. He somehow must have convinced the doctor he was a junkie or something. I'm not even sure, all I know is he's not getting the pain pills he was before.

So he's in even more pain and yelling at anyone who tries to help him. Last night he screamed at me because I didn't know how to wrap his leg up.....pardon me but I've never had to take care of someone like that before! I asked him what he wanted me to do and he just yelled and he can't even wait two seconds for me to put down what I'm eating or what I'm doing before I can help him up. I'm trying my best but he is really testing my patience. His mom said he's been just a pistol all week.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I gotta say I haven't exactly been Mr. Congeniality myself lately. Yesterday I was asleep for all but maybe 3 hours of the day.

I guess being immobilized for reasons of injury or illness gets to people. I'm so sick of being sick.

[blas87]

Don't get me wrong, I have no idea what it's like to be in that much pain. I feel bad for him, I really do.

I guess I'm just perterbed the way he's treating everyone who is trying to help him. He's already fallen a couple of times because he's adament that he's going to sleep in his room in his bed and he gets so stubborn if he doesn't want to wait a second for help and he's tried to do things himself. That's how he's fallen down the stairs (thankfully there's only a few steps) or slipped. But if he hurts himself on his bad leg, he can jeopardize how it heals. If he wants to be able to walk again, sooner rather than later, or at all again, he needs to let people help him.

He's just irritating me because I told him I have no experience in caring for others that way, and I said I'd do whatever I could to help and I'd try my best, and he just gets mad that it takes me a while to secure or undo his brace or to always remember to keep his crutches nearby or to keep reorganizing the pillows so his leg stays elevated. I've done my best to help him but he just gets mad at me and his parents.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

And you're getting exactly....what....out of this relationship?



I don't think you're a horrible person at all. He volunteered for this. It's not like some drunk driver did this to him, he did it to himself. And now he's still doing the self destructive thing by continuing to do things that may harm him and he's abusing the people who give enough of a damn to help.

I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.

[Andara Bledin]

You're not a horrible person. Caregiving is a terribly taxing endeavor and very difficult even for those who choose to do it.

That you were thrust into this due to someone else's poor choices, and then that person continues to show no signs of having learned anything... Honestly, I'm not sure I wouldn't have washed my hands of him entirely by this point.

^-.-^

[blas87]

It's hard to walk away, that's the only thing I can say. A lot of me wants to. The coward in me wants to wait until he's sentenced so that I get an easy out and can just walk away without having to deal with the way he becomes an emotional wreck and doesn't stop throwing a fit or plays games on the phone.

And I agree with you on how hard it is. His mother has become his grandmother's caregiver, and even though she doesn't have a job or anything else to do with her time, she's sacrificed a lot to help his grandmother, and doesn't always get to keep the house clean or keep up with the cooking or the stuff she used to do with her freetime.

[Andara Bledin]

If you get to the point where you decide that you really do want to break up, I'd suggest that you do so before it gets to the sentencing. It'll likely be cleaner that way, even if you have to deal with more crap in the short term.

^-.-^

[blas87]

It's going to be complicated because he isn't just going away *period*.

Had he not been in an accident and just been pulled over, oh for sure, he'd have just been locked away until a court date and he'd just have his lawyer try to nitpick at the process of being pulled over (don't ever underestimate DUI defense attorneys).

The way it looks right now, he's free and fine until June, when he goes to court. He's going to be enrolled in a rehab program that is similar to jail but with perks such as going to school, work, and all of his doctor visits and physical therapy, along with taking classes and counselling.

Would you believe me if I told you that up until now, he's NEVER been forced to go to counselling or rehab like stuff, save for one series of mandatory awareness classes that anyone who commits a crime involving alcohol has to take? It's not counselling or rehab, it was just a few weeks' worth of hour long classes.

That program counts as time served, so he will shave a lot of time off of his jail sentence. Even then, he'll have Huber so he can work and go to school.

[telecom_goddess]

Blas....I have held my tounge on this thread cause I don't want to piss you off or get you mad at me cause I really do like you. But it seems like you're changing your mind about him and so now I'm going to say my piece. But please know it's nothing against you and I really hope things work out the best for you. And you are a good person and had no part in causing this to happen to him...he did it to himself.

With that being said he is an idiot!!! It sounds to me like he never listens to anyone, with authority or not, and doesn't care about the laws in place against things like drunk driving. I'm not going to say I'm glad he broke his leg but that's what you get I guess for being dumb. I'm just glad he didn't take anyone else out, he got lucky there.

He deserves to have his ass in jail for this and to have his license taken away for life. If that seems harsh I'm sorry but he could have killed someone or himself. And if not being able to drive puts a crimp in his life he should have thought of that before he did the deed.

I have zero sympathy for people who insist on driving drunk and driving recklessly. I know you feel the same way blas and are a much more responsible person than that, and tried to warn him.

Furthermore, even if he is in pain he has no right being an ass to you like he is. He should be grateful he's NOT sitting in a jail cell right now with NO pain meds at all. If you do walk away I want you to realize that you would be doing yourself a favor, you can find someone so much better and more grownup than that.

So yeah that's what I think

[blas87]

I'm not hurt or offended by anything anyone has said. I posted this here vs CS for a reason, I know this is a hot button and very sensitive issue, and I didn't want anyone to feel that they had to be nice or sugarcoat anything.

Above all, he is responsible for everything he's done, but there are people who have contributed to these actions. They didn't make him do anything he's done, but their enabling hasn't helped him any. I used to sort of enable him, in recent times I've refused to even go out with him to try to prove a point, but in the end, it just made him feel like he could get away with more, like when you leave a kid home alone with a lighter.

His parents scratch their heads and wonder why he doesn't listen to anyone and why he has no respect for the law or others. They never drilled it into his head that he has to be responsible. They let him blame others and they let him continue to live at their house, rent free, and do whatever he wanted (same as his brother, they will not just kick the two of them out because they worry too much what they'll do if they are set free. But sometimes you gotta quit worrying about what-if and let them learn).

His friends....they are all trash. Gutter slime. Pond scum. They have their own legal and moral troubles, but you have to be just a huge pile of shit to KNOW that someone has a drinking problem, let alone so many run-ins with the law, and keep pressuring them to go out and drink, encourage them to binge with you and do stupid things. I may have been a slimeball for even going out with him partying in the past, not fully knowing until his last incident just how bad he can be, but at least I stopped enabling and I never tried to get him to do anything stupid. He's VERY easily influenced by the wrong types of people.

I don't blame his friends for what he did solely, but I blame them for having a part in his inability to ever get better and to keep getting down when he tries to go up. If these retards even gave two shits about him, they'd be trying to help him and try to do other stuff with him, like me and our mutual friends have tried with him, but no, partying and drinking is the only big thing to do at all.

It sickens me how many of those asstards have written on his FB wall that they are "so sorry" this happened and they hope he gets better. Yeah, so when he gets better and out of jail, you'll just call him up harrassing him to go drinking with you again, is more like it. Sorry that you lost someone to go drinking with and now you have to be pathetic on your own, is more like it.

I keep back from writing that to them, because it's so upsetting to read. The very people he was with that night have written that. Not that they could have stopped him from leaving, because he snuck out, but they KNEW his problems and they know what happens when he drinks too much, and they just think he's so much fun and not a danger to himself or others.

[Andara Bledin]

I'd write it. I'd write it in full ugly glory for every one of them (and all their friends) to read.

Sure, most people would write it off, but a few might get it into their thick skulls that their actions affect more than just themselves.

After all, they were all there when he was partying... there when he was getting drunk... Where were they when he was too drunk to drive safely? Where are they now that he has a broken leg and can't walk? Where are they when he needs help just to get from one room to the next? Maybe ask them that, and see if it sinks in.

^-.-^

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Blas...it may not seem like it, but you're making excuses for him. He's a big boy. Nobody's holding a gun to head to make him do anything.

This is all on him. All of it. I suppose we could throw some blame on his parents...after all, they made him who he is...but at the end of the day, this is ALL on HIM.

1. You're better than this.

2.This relationship will not get better from this point. You are not going to change him. Nor should you. This is who he is.

3. To use a tired cliche, today is the first day of the rest of your life. This will not be an isolated incident. Hell, it's not an isolated incident now.

Have better people in your life, Blas. You have become a better and wiser person. You don't have to settle for this anymore.

[blas87]

I am mostly afraid for my safety, if I wrote something like that, if any of them know where I live. I like having tires on my car that work.

That and I'm afraid that others who read it will think that I personally blame them. And I don't. Not fully. I blame for their contribution.

In all honesty, no one could have stopped him from driving drunk, save for the one option that someone should have hidden his keys earlier in the night. That may be the one element that could have helped.

But you raise an excellent point. Only one time did I EVER witness a friend of his try to help him, and he failed, but at least he tried. Well, we tried together, but we stuck by him and helped him later. They had to go home the next day, but at least they didn't drive off and leave me alone with him to deal with him alone.

Any other time there was trouble, his friends bailed as quick as possible to cover their own asses and save themselves.

The more people who write stuff to him, the angrier I get.

I also don't want to write mean stuff because he has professors from the local tech school as friends, and if I want to ever go to that school, I don't want them to think I'm an evil bitch, in case I have any of them as teachers.