Leaving kids home alone

[DrFaroohk]

So random off topic but I was wondering what everyone thinks is an ok age for the kids to be left alone at home. Assume for the moment the danger is not from paparazzi or drug dealers or pedophiles.

And not home all day. Home for 15 minutes while I go to the store or something.

[AdminAssistant]

I think I was 11 or 12 before I was left at home alone for any length of time. By that I mean, completely alone. There were times when I was younger that Mom would leave me in the house to do something if Dad was in his shop working.

[DrFaroohk]

Well I got a 7 and a almost-3 year old...While I have no plans to leave them both alone for any period of time, there's times I think "wow, even though I'm here in the house, the kid has been completely unattended for 20 minutes now and everything's fine..." so like what's the difference between me taking a crap or me going to the store for milk?

[AdminAssistant]

There's always the risk that one of the kids might get hurt, accidentally set the house on fire, etc. Likely, it won't happen. But it might. And you wouldn't be there to help them. At 7 and 2, I'd just take them to the store with me.

[HYHYBT]

It would depend a lot on the child (assuming the age isn't set by law, which it probably is). I'd think a seven year old would probably be OK; at least, I'd have been fine at that age. But not with a three year old there too.

If you're in the house, just not actually watching them, that's different. You would presumably react i there were a crash or a scream or anything like that.

[patiokitty]

I was a latch-key kid and was often home alone for at least an hour after school from around the time I turned 8. I wasn't allowed to tell anybody that my parents weren't home either for fear that my parents would get in trouble. By the time I was 13 I was left alone with my 3 yo brother for 5-6 hours as a time - I was responsible for getting him fed, bathed, and ready for bed as well as any housework that needed to be done. Yes, I was capable of being left on my own for hours like that but to leave me in charge of my brother who was 10 years younger and expect me to carry so much of the load was wrong. By that point my mother was separated from her second husband and working full-time nights. She never even bothered trying to get a shift change to days...she just expected me to basically be the mother.

So, this leaves me with a bit of an odd opinion on this whole topic and I am a parent as well. A lot depends on the maturity of the child/children in question.

I didn't feel comfortable leaving my son at home alone for anything more than maybe 15 minutes until he was 11. Even then if I was going to be away for an hour or more I usually made arrangements for him to go over to a friend's place. It wasn't his ability to be alone that I had any issue with - it was a case of not trusting our neighbours.

There is a big difference between leaving a child unattended when you're home and when you're not at home. If something happens and you're home you can respond quickly. If something happens and you're not home the consequences could be rather devastating. Seconds count when dealing with serious injuries and the like...and children tend not to be quite as daring when Mommy or Daddy is home because they know if their parents catch them there will be hell to pay. At that age they don't necessarily think of any negative outcome other than their parents punishing them. If their parents aren't home then the children feel free to give their little plan a whirl and that's when serious injuries could occur. Just as the kid I knew growing up - Joey had asked his parents if he could wear a cape and be Superman. His parents never thought anything of it, not that many people would. Joey then asked if he could jump off the balcony so he could fly - his parents rightfully said no. They caught him one morning trying anyway and gave him a spanking, figuring that would be the end of it. Well, Joey waited for one day when his parents headed to the corner store for whatever it was they needed...he climbed onto the balcony with his cape on. And jumped. Oh, he survived - with both his legs badly broken and one hell of a concussion. All his parents could say was they never expected him to jump after they had punished him once for attempting it while they were home. Joey's explanation was that his parents never let him do anything fun so he waited until they left to do what he thought would be great fun.

It's something that has stuck with me for over 30 years. So many kids say that their parents never let them do anything fun - especially stuff that is likely to be dangerous - that as soon as they don't have the restriction of their parents being in the house for however long they'll go ahead and try it.

[Andara Bledin]

It depends heavily upon the kid.

I was ok on my own from the time I was old enough to walk. I never got into anything when my parents weren't around because that's how I was.

My brother, on the other hand, got into everything, and was much worse when our parents were in another room or asleep - they never left him alone on purpose. He was 6 when he set our bunkbeds on fire, and later that same day he set the back of the couch on fire. >_< Both incidents involved early "childproof" lighters and I don't think my mom or aunt ever found out where he'd had them stashed.

By that point my mother was separated from her second husband and working full-time nights. She never even bothered trying to get a shift change to days...she just expected me to basically be the mother.

I've noticed that some cultures essentially expect their girls to be mothers and nothing else, so much of the time, any female children are expected to help take care of or completely take care of any and all younger siblings, and be particularly responsible for any male siblings. I had a neighbor that was like this, and every time I heard that asshole father screaming at either his wife or his daughter about the baby boy crying ('cause babies are so easy to stop from crying when you've got an abusive man screaming near them >_< ) I wanted to go over there and smack the shit out of him.

All his parents could say was they never expected him to jump after they had punished him once for attempting it while they were home. Joey's explanation was that his parents never let him do anything fun so he waited until they left to do what he thought would be great fun.

And this is why punishment alone will never work the way people think it should. Educating little Joey as to why he shouldn't jump off the balcony would have been far more valuable than that spanking.

^-.-^

[Greenday]

I was left alone after school with my sister when I was about 7 or 8 and my sister was 10 or 11. We knew not to answer the door and we were very good kids. Never had to worry about us lighting the house on fire or anything. Though I was always ahead of the curve as a kid so I'm not sure I can be really counted as normal.

[telecom_goddess]

I went by the law....when a child turns 10 they are allowed to be home alone for the hour or so it took me to get home from work. When they are 13 they can be responsible for a younger sibling as well.

[tropicsgoddess]

I think it depends on the age and the kid. The kid should be responsible and mature. The kid doesn't need to be responsible for caring for younger siblings but for making sure they don't get into any trouble.

[patiokitty]

I see no problem with a 13 year old being left in charge of a younger sibling for shorter periods of time, say an hour or two. But not 5-6 hours a night, five days a week. Sometimes 6 days a week because in my case my mother would go play bingo on one of her nights off instead of actually being a mother.

I started babysitting kids in the complex when I was 11 so I knew I was capable of handling kids but that was maybe one night a week or so that I'd be looking after a 5 or 6 year old for at most 3 hours. Big difference between that and what my mother expected of me.

Andara, the situation you described concerning the man screaming at his wife and daughter because the baby boy was crying is very similar to what I had to deal with before my mother finally left her second husband (and that entire situation was a giant cluster-fuck as well). It was while she was still married to him that she got a job with Canada Post working nights at one of their mail processing plants - I think it was because it was easier for her to avoid what was happening to me at his hands. And even though her supervisors had repeatedly told her (once we had moved out of the situation) that there would be no problems transferring her to day shift under the circumstances at home she still refused. Because she felt that I was capable of looking after my brother for such long hours every week and that I was willing to give up on having a life. Yeah, there are still a lot of issues there...my brother will always be the favoured child despite everything he's done. *sigh*

[RecoveringKinkoid]

A seven and a three year old should not be left alone in the house for any length of time. That's too young, and a seven year old is not old enough to properly care for a three year old.

[Eisa]

When I was 8, I was expected to collect my 6-year-old sister from school and walk to our house, let us in, and babysit for about 2 hours every weekday. I got left home alone all the time. [Apparently, having an 8-year-old babysit her younger sister is illegal...somehow, I never realized that. ] My sister on the other hand, was not allowed to be home alone until well into her teen years 'cause my parents didn't trust her [for good reason].

[Ladeeda]

My mother left my sister and I home alone from the time Sibling started Jr High School. I was in 4th grade at the time.

It was way better than the babysitters in our budget, all lazy welfare leeches, at least one of whom left us in the bedroom while she dealt drugs in the living room.

The only real downside was having to wait so long for dinner, since neither my sister nor I could cook. Or were allowed do.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Here's a general legalities sort of thing.