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So I've been openly transgender at work now for a full month. So far everyone has been very supportive and I've literally faced no negative reactions or hostility. Until yesterday.
Due to having a bit of a nice event to attend after work last night, I decided to paint my nails before work. There is nothing whatsoever against me doing this in any policy. I even discussed it with a very good friend and coworker, who is also a superior officer. I was nervous about doing something so "visible," as I'm still slowly adjusting to being out and making gradual changes. She told me it would be fine, everyone knows anyway, and that there was nothing in policy that said I couldn't.
I go in and as I'm processing through the scanners up front, the Sgt checking everyone's stuff commented on how nicely done my nails were. She pointed them out to the other officer assisting her, and he did not appear to be impressed.
I go back to Compound Entry, and my Lt motions me to come through the sallyport into the Gym (I work outside the fence, so I normally just get his attention through the windows and then go outside, instead of walking through). I went into the Gym and he told me the Captain wanted to talk to me. I approach the Captain, and he is visibly PISSED. He demanded I show him my hands, which I did. He said, "come here!" We stepped aside and I said, remaining totally calm, "Is there a problem sir?" He said, "Oh yes, there's a BIG problem." I said I didn't understand. He pointed at the group of officers still coming through the sallyport and said "I refuse to allow ANY male officer into this facility with painted nails." Then he tells me to come to the Captain's Office and that he's waiting on a call from the Major. At this point, no problem. I'm not assuming anything about how he perceives me other than he takes me at face value. He did not bring my gender identity into this, he is, as far as I can tell, being fair and impartial. No reason to be so pissed off and hostile, but whatever.
Before he can let me have it in the office, the Major calls. He yells about the situation over the phone, then hands it to me. At this point, I realize there is NO WAY I'm leaving this office without crying. And the Major was very professional about it, and even made me feel better. He said, very conversationally, "Are you wearing nail polish?" I said, "Yes sir." Him: "What color?" I smiled, which I think made my Captains rage level elevate. "Mint Green, sir?" Him: "Okay, about how long would it take you to remove that?" I said it takes me 10 minutes to get home. Him: "Okay. Well, would you be willing to do that for me?" I said, "Yes sir." He did not order me or demand I do anything, he presented the best solution and asked me if I would be okay with that. I think that's admirable.
On my way out of the Captain's Office, the Captain pops out of the door and calls, "And make sure your hair stays within regulation length!" I said, "It is, sir." He said, "KEEP IT THAT WAY!"
And that's where he blew it. I had not given him ANY reason whatsoever for why my nails were painted. Up until that point, it had nothing to do with my expression of my gender identity. And he crossed that line. By feeling the need to add that extra bit about my hair, he acknowledged that he is aware of how I am presenting myself. Now, instead of just being mad at me for doing something he didn't approve of as a general rule, the situation changed. Now I've just been both verbally reprimanded for expressing my gender identity (since there was no policy violation) AND threatened about continuing to do so. The state's Equal Employment Opportunity mandate includes "gender identity" in its wording for state employees. So I'll be dropping by my HR manager's office in the morning. I don't think I should file a formal complaint at this point, but it needs to be addressed and stopped sooner rather than later.
Until yesterday, it never occurred to me that I am the FIRST openly trans officer in the 20 year history of our facility. So obviously, the discrimination will start with me, since no one knows what is and is not acceptable. But I will not be the last, so I have to make sure it ends with me as well, since any that follow my path will run into "well, what happened with officer Kara?" So if something doesn't feel right, I have no choice but to address it. Not because I want anything out of it personally, but because there are no precedents at this time and they must be set.
My HR manager told me they'll work with me and make my transition as smooth as possible. I've had a couple of coworkers say, "Yeah, but think about where we work." True, but that is completely beside the point. This has nothing whatsoever to do with where I work. As long as I conduct myself appropriately and professionally, without violating and policies, there should not be any issue. I am still every bit as capable of doing my job every bit as well as I've always done and I think that should be apparent to everyone. Just because I look different doesn't mean I'm going to conduct my duties any differently.
I was expecting things like "fag," "queer," and "freak," to be thrown around, people whispering behind my back, laughing at me when I'm not there. And I was prepared to deal with that. But I didn't expect to have a potential threat to my employment by my shift supervisor, and certainly not like this. He had no reason to be angry, we've always had a great rapport and we could have talked about this like adults. But he just had to make a scene. And I have to do what's right to protect my job, and my rights. I have to send the message that this kind of mistreatment is NOT acceptable.
Due to having a bit of a nice event to attend after work last night, I decided to paint my nails before work. There is nothing whatsoever against me doing this in any policy. I even discussed it with a very good friend and coworker, who is also a superior officer. I was nervous about doing something so "visible," as I'm still slowly adjusting to being out and making gradual changes. She told me it would be fine, everyone knows anyway, and that there was nothing in policy that said I couldn't.
I go in and as I'm processing through the scanners up front, the Sgt checking everyone's stuff commented on how nicely done my nails were. She pointed them out to the other officer assisting her, and he did not appear to be impressed.
I go back to Compound Entry, and my Lt motions me to come through the sallyport into the Gym (I work outside the fence, so I normally just get his attention through the windows and then go outside, instead of walking through). I went into the Gym and he told me the Captain wanted to talk to me. I approach the Captain, and he is visibly PISSED. He demanded I show him my hands, which I did. He said, "come here!" We stepped aside and I said, remaining totally calm, "Is there a problem sir?" He said, "Oh yes, there's a BIG problem." I said I didn't understand. He pointed at the group of officers still coming through the sallyport and said "I refuse to allow ANY male officer into this facility with painted nails." Then he tells me to come to the Captain's Office and that he's waiting on a call from the Major. At this point, no problem. I'm not assuming anything about how he perceives me other than he takes me at face value. He did not bring my gender identity into this, he is, as far as I can tell, being fair and impartial. No reason to be so pissed off and hostile, but whatever.
Before he can let me have it in the office, the Major calls. He yells about the situation over the phone, then hands it to me. At this point, I realize there is NO WAY I'm leaving this office without crying. And the Major was very professional about it, and even made me feel better. He said, very conversationally, "Are you wearing nail polish?" I said, "Yes sir." Him: "What color?" I smiled, which I think made my Captains rage level elevate. "Mint Green, sir?" Him: "Okay, about how long would it take you to remove that?" I said it takes me 10 minutes to get home. Him: "Okay. Well, would you be willing to do that for me?" I said, "Yes sir." He did not order me or demand I do anything, he presented the best solution and asked me if I would be okay with that. I think that's admirable.
On my way out of the Captain's Office, the Captain pops out of the door and calls, "And make sure your hair stays within regulation length!" I said, "It is, sir." He said, "KEEP IT THAT WAY!"
And that's where he blew it. I had not given him ANY reason whatsoever for why my nails were painted. Up until that point, it had nothing to do with my expression of my gender identity. And he crossed that line. By feeling the need to add that extra bit about my hair, he acknowledged that he is aware of how I am presenting myself. Now, instead of just being mad at me for doing something he didn't approve of as a general rule, the situation changed. Now I've just been both verbally reprimanded for expressing my gender identity (since there was no policy violation) AND threatened about continuing to do so. The state's Equal Employment Opportunity mandate includes "gender identity" in its wording for state employees. So I'll be dropping by my HR manager's office in the morning. I don't think I should file a formal complaint at this point, but it needs to be addressed and stopped sooner rather than later.
Until yesterday, it never occurred to me that I am the FIRST openly trans officer in the 20 year history of our facility. So obviously, the discrimination will start with me, since no one knows what is and is not acceptable. But I will not be the last, so I have to make sure it ends with me as well, since any that follow my path will run into "well, what happened with officer Kara?" So if something doesn't feel right, I have no choice but to address it. Not because I want anything out of it personally, but because there are no precedents at this time and they must be set.
My HR manager told me they'll work with me and make my transition as smooth as possible. I've had a couple of coworkers say, "Yeah, but think about where we work." True, but that is completely beside the point. This has nothing whatsoever to do with where I work. As long as I conduct myself appropriately and professionally, without violating and policies, there should not be any issue. I am still every bit as capable of doing my job every bit as well as I've always done and I think that should be apparent to everyone. Just because I look different doesn't mean I'm going to conduct my duties any differently.
I was expecting things like "fag," "queer," and "freak," to be thrown around, people whispering behind my back, laughing at me when I'm not there. And I was prepared to deal with that. But I didn't expect to have a potential threat to my employment by my shift supervisor, and certainly not like this. He had no reason to be angry, we've always had a great rapport and we could have talked about this like adults. But he just had to make a scene. And I have to do what's right to protect my job, and my rights. I have to send the message that this kind of mistreatment is NOT acceptable.
I hope he learns that. I'm really glad HR is watching out for you.
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