So who does the dishes?

[DrFaroohk]

Here's a problem a friend recently posed to me - he's renting a house with several other people. Everyone has their own bedroom, and the rest of the place like the kitchen and living room are common areas.

First, right off the bat, they don't like my friend. They don't hate him, but he's not one of them. They're all basically socialites, he barely ever leaves his room. They see him as a nerd, a dork, a mouth breather who probably looks down on them (and knowing my friend...he probably does, although not openly so). So they look down on him too.

Most of the time they all get along civily and there's no problems, but lately they've been at him for not doing his share of the housework, mainly the dishes. He argues that since he hardly ever eats there, what dishes is he using? Since he's hardly ever there, what mess is there to clean up outside his own room? They argue that since he's part of the house, everyone should have to pitch in and do equal chores.

Whaddya all think? I'm with my friend on this one, but of course I may be slightly biased, as I expect they are slightly biased because they already don't like him, so it's easier to pick out his faults.

[Greenday]

You clean the dishes you and your guests use. I'm not cleaning up someone else's dishes. When someone makes a mess, they should clean it up themselves. My roommates senior year wouldn't do their own dishes and the person who had to clean the kitchen once a week ended up being stuck doing the dishes too. I had to clean the bathroom which was fine with me. One small trash can and the room was very small.

[BlaqueKatt]

yup I agree with greenday and your friend. You dirty it you clean it-it is the only fair way to do it. Plus who knows what germs are on someone's dishes/glasses/silverware-eeeewww so not touching that it's gross....

[ExRetailDrone]

I agree with your friend and the others, too. He never eats there so he never uses any of the dishes? Then he has no responsibility to wash any of the dishes. Just because people share a living space does not mean that everything has to be split down the middle like that when it is obvious one person never makes a mess in a certain part of the living area.

[Andara Bledin]

The problem is that he is doing his share. Honestly, if someone were to be that immature over the issue, I'd go out, buy my own set of brightly colored dishes, use only those, and keep them washed and in my room.

In a situation where each person rents a room and the rest of the house is common area, then it's up to each individual to take care of the messes they make and not expect others, who make less mess, to have to clean a portion not theirs.

It's a little less black and white with a situation where all members of the place are renting the house as a group as opposed to just renting the rooms, but still. My brother used to claim that the mess in the living room belonged to my ex (when he still lived in the house). Except that my ex and I were both hermits who rarely ventured out of our computer cave other than to go to work or go out to hang with friends. The living room area was the bastion of my brother and his skanky, thieving, trashy friends, who my brother claimed would never do any of that.

^-.-^

[MaggieTheCat]

I agree with the others. You eat a bowl of cereal, you clean the bowl and spoon and anything else you dirtied. You made dinner for yourself and a friend, you clean all the dishes, including anything you used to actually prepare the food, like pans or griddles. Get your friend to help if you don't want to do it all on your own.

It'd be a little different if everyone was eating a communal meal. If one (or two or however many) people were preparing dinner and everyone in the household ate it, then I do think everyone should take their turn helping wash the dishes that were used to prepare the meal, so that the person who cooked isn't stuck with everything. But if your friend doesn't participate in communal meals (if there even are any) then he shouldn't be expected to wash their dishes.

[telecom_goddess]

It sounds like they need to sit down and have some kind of roommate agreement done up. To include a clause like people are only responsible for their dishes. And what about things like vacuuming/dusting/mopping/cleaning the kitchen itself/cleaning the bathroom? Those things need to be done rgardless of who is in there or how often.

[aurelemsrealm]

Issues like these are why I always preferred to live in places where I could afford to pay all the expenses so I could have my own place. I just like having my own space that I don't have to share with others who are not family. I like being able to truly get away from everyone for a while sometimes. The only time I had roommates who were not family was in college, and I have no desire to repeat the experience.

[Ginger Tea]

We at our house go by the do your own method, my mess is cleaned up there and then and same with the dishes then left in my room so no one else can use them cos they're too lazy to wash their own.
So far its only mr Downstairs who can not do his dishes in a timely fashion and leaves them for almost a week.

Myself I eat a cooked meal at work and only snack here or have ready meals or eat out, so my dishes are none exsistant at the moment and only have forks to clean and as I have a few, I let them build up, but in my room out of sight of other people.

I'm sure I posted about the frying pan that stayed unwashed for over a month as one guy was expecting someone else to wash use then rewash it, not knowing or caring that we all had our own cookware.

As for cleaning of communial places, another guy who at one point was over a grand behind in rent, was tasked by the land lord to deal with these things as part payment, I have no idea if this agreement still stands, but seeing as one person is earning part of his keep this way, I and others in the house see no need to do the work for him. We don't however trash the place to spite him or anything, but if someone is 'paid' to do it why should we if we are not?

[DrFaroohk]

Issues like these are why I always preferred to live in places where I could afford to pay all the expenses so I could have my own place. I just like having my own space that I don't have to share with others who are not family. I like being able to truly get away from everyone for a while sometimes. The only time I had roommates who were not family was in college, and I have no desire to repeat the experience.

Aye. I don't even like living in apartments. Neighbors always staring out the window at you. have to live by everyone else's schedule. Get a crappy neighbor, and even walking around at 2:30 in the morning will get the cops summoned to your house.

[bainsidhe]

And what about things like vacuuming/dusting/mopping/cleaning the kitchen itself/cleaning the bathroom? Those things need to be done rgardless of who is in there or how often.

This! Is this really about dishes or was dishes just what happened to spark the argument? I used to live with a good friend and our individual living habits would drive each other up a wall. And when she got upset, she would explode . It could be a single dish in the sink that set her off, but suddenly everything was wrong and you were an inconsiderate asshole who didn't do anything yada yada yada. In truth, she'd be upset because maybe things weren't getting picked up or the trash wasn't taken out when she wanted, etc, yet the argument was always started by something small and completely unrelated. Makes me wonder if your friend's dishes issue isn't actually part of a much larger issue.

[DrFaroohk]

Well, it mostly comes down to, as i said before, they simply don't like him. They're the "cool guys". They like to hang around in the living room and drink beer, play pool, watch nascar, and go work at manly jobs.

My friend has no job, pays his rent with student loans/parental loans, and stays in his room all day playing video games. He's a nerd. He's uncool. Therefore, everything he does is wrong. I know, moving out is the obvious answer, but its also kind of letting them win.

[Andara Bledin]

I'm kind of wondering what they win in this case? I mean, they don't get to make him do things he shouldn't have to do, they don't get his full share despite his not making full use of his share of the house, they have to find another roomie who would likely bring his own baggage...

Honestly, if he can find another place for a comparable price, staying would be pointless.

^-.-^