What is a gift?

[DrFaroohk]

This is a bit off beat and I hope people can follow along....

Sometimes someone does something nice for you, and they call it a gift.

Sometimes someone does something nice for you, with the understanding that they will be reimbursed for their time and expenses.

Some people I know like to do something nice, pretend it's a gift, and then call you on it later. Sometimes to ask for compensation, sometimes just to have an excuse to be an ass. Makes them feel good. Then when offered compensation they refuse and say "no no its a gift."

I'm of the opinion that if its a gift, you don't get to ask for compensation or hold it over someone's head. If it's a loan, you get to ask or bring it up, but they have the opportunity to pay you back and make it go away, right? You can't have it both ways.

What do yall thing?

[Ghel]

I agree. Additionally, if the giver doesn't bring up that it's a loan, or otherwise say that they expect reimbursement, at the time it's given, then they have no right to come back later and ask for repayment. A loan should have clear terms that both parties agree to (preferably in writing) before anything of value changes hands.

If somebody has, in the past, given you something as a "gift" and later asked for reimbursement, don't accept "gifts" from them again without at least first asking whether they're going to want reimbursement. And then, if they do ask for it, you can reasonably say, "You said it was a gift. I'm keeping it."

[Andara Bledin]

I think I'd drop any "friend" who gave me something and then came back later expecting to trade on the fact that they'd given me stuff that I hadn't asked for.

Asking for a favor after having done lots of favors, I can see. That's different.

Gifts with strings attached aren't really gifts.

^-.-^

[blas87]

Judge Judy is a pretty good judge about what's a gift and what's a loan.

Oh, hehehe, I made a pun.

[Hyena Dandy]

On the one hand, if you're holding one specific thing over someone's head, you're right. If I gave someone money without the expectation of repayment, and then asked for it back, that'd be bad.

However, if I have given them money with a fair amount of frequency, I'd be a little put out if they didn't return the favor if/when I needed it. I wouldn't think someone was obligated, but I'd feel taken advantage of.

If I thought they were capable of repaying, that is. If they had a good reason not to, I'd be less off-put. (I don't want to vs I don't have any)

[DrFaroohk]

So apparently was the honorable Judge Romei in my divorce case, as he was able to ascertain, completely based upon my wife's word, that most of the crap I bought for myself was suddenly a gift bought for her! lol....gotta love how that stuff works out.

My situation was based more off stuff people do in general, it's to the point that I will rarely accept a "gift" unless it's someone I really know well.

My dad is majorly like this...

"hey son why don't you come over I was making your favorite kind of pizza!"

"What for?"

"Just cuz I love you so much son of mine!"

<go over, eat pizza>

"Now that you've eaten the pizza I made for you, how about you mow my lawn?"

First, I do not mow lawns, My rule in life. I will not mow any lawn, not even my own. It's my grass, and I don't care how tall it is. If it's your grass, cut it your own damn self! But I digress....

The fact is that if someone had made me the deal "You mow my lawn and I'll make you a pizza"....well I really don't think so. Even if I did mow lawns.

[insertNameHere]

Well, sometimes it depends, if I'm always helping you out and one day I need help and you go.... I don't mow lawns!!! I can be like really out of kindness I have done X, Y, Z for you can you lend a hand. Now your not really obligated to help but your screwed for any other gifts or help.

Now the tricking you to come over for pizza and putting you to work is a pain as, I be they knew the grass needed cut

[DrFaroohk]

Well I'd be more than happy to help with anything else. I just don't do lawns. I'll do your dishes, I'll paint your garage, but I will not mow your lawn unless it's some serious cash we're talking about.

[blas87]

My parents do the same thing to me when it comes to laundry.

Oh, we'll let you do your laundry here for free because we don't want you going to skeezy laundromats, but when you're here, you should do the dishes or clean the kitchen a little bit.

I just mind the pets and call it good. If they ever really wanted to start demanding chores in lieu of free laundry, I'd suck it up and go to the laundromat and buy a drying rack.

Or when they invite me over for dinner, now that I have Sundays off. Since I don't live there, I should be the one to clean off the table and start the dishwasher.

[aurelemsrealm]

Other than family and a few select friends, I don't get involved with others for reasons such as this. I basically keep to myself and mind my own business. I watch the rest of the world from the comfort of my turtle shell, and only emerge when I feel like it. I'm often accused of building walls and shutting others out, but I don't care. None of that has any affect on me. So long as I know what I'm doing and where I'm going in life, I'm content to leave well enough alone.

As for giving and receiving gifts.... If I give a gift, then I expect nothing in return. I gave the gift away because I wanted to give it away. As far as I'm concerned, it's a closed case. As for receiving gifts, I graciously accept gifts and say thank you if it's a birthday, Christmas, or some other such occasion in which a person would reasonably expect a gift. Otherwise, I'll just politely decline because it just seems odd and out of place. The only people I may ask for a loan would be my parents or in-laws, and only if I see no other way to make ends meet. Even though they won't hold it over me, I make every effort to pay it back as quickly as possible.

[Greenday]

It's based on original intent. If they give you something as a gift originally, they can't change their mind later and make you pay for it.

[Mishi]

If they give you something as a gift originally, they can't change their mind later and make you pay for it.

My inlaws tried that recently, they said they were buying clothes for my girls even though I told them not to, then later tried to get me to pay for them. I asked them to return the clothes, considering that I had asked them not to buy anything. They didn't listen until my husband called up and said "Take them back now, Mishi isn't paying for something she didn't want and didn't pick out!"

Few days later, I was handed a large bag of clothes and was told "It was a final sale, they're non-returnable. You didn't need to bring Rugz into this, please don't tell him next time!" (He's the only reliable young family member and is also very stubborn so they want to stay on his good side.)

[blas87]

Yeah, FTMP, if it's not Christmas or my birthday, I'm leery of gifts or special favors from people. There is almost always an ulterior motive behind it if it's my parents or friends.

[Andara Bledin]

Few days later, I was handed a large bag of clothes and was told "It was a final sale, they're non-returnable. You didn't need to bring Rugz into this, please don't tell him next time!" (He's the only reliable young family member and is also very stubborn so they want to stay on his good side.)

Well, considering that you married Rugz and they just came as baggage, they can just shove off if they think you're going to keep him in the dark concerning matters that involve you and his family.

Honestly, in what world is that really ok when it doesn't involve things like surprise birthday parties?

^-.-^