Is it just me, or is this...weird?

[MaggieTheCat]

Bit of background to start. My husband and I vend at anime conventions. I make, among other things, polymer clay charms of popular video game and anime characters.

At an anime con earlier this year, I met a gal we'll call Sarah. She's about my age (27) and a member of a band that remixes and plays video game music. She found my booth and went wild over some of my charms, and her and I exchanged information so we could look each other up online after the con. I only talked to her for a few minutes while she was at my table, but she seemed pretty nice, so I looked her up on FB after the con and we've been FB friends ever since.

As we talked and replied to each others' wall posts, we found out that we both really like to cook and bake. We kept saying that we should get together for some kind of baking cook-off or party or something. Unfortunately, we live in different cities, so thus far, we haven't gotten a chance to get together again since we met at the anime con earlier this year.

Well, about a month ago, she announced on FB, and invited me to, a cupcake party that she's going to host. Everyone was to bring cupcakes (or some kind of dessert) and a guest, and we could all exchange recipes. Sounds fun! I told her that I'd probably bring my husband and mentioned that my best friend, Lea, likes to cook and bake and has a lot of the same interests that we do and asked if I could bring her as well, since she'd probably fit in really well with a crowd of bakers. Sarah said she'd prefer if Lea didn't come since she has limited space at her place and didn't want it to get too crowded. Okay, cool, understandable.

Well, Lea lives in the same town Sarah does, so even though she wasn't coming to the party, Lea said we could spend the night with her after the party (since the party is in the evening and it's a good 2 hour drive home for my husband and I.)

Then I got to thinking. My husband doesn't like big crowds, especially big crowds of strangers. He gets uncomfortable when there are more than about 5-6 people around, and Sarah is expecting twice that many at least for her party. So, I asked my husband if he'd prefer to stay with Lea's husband while Lea and I go to the party. My husband said that sounded great. Lea would fit in much better with a big crowd of bakers.

So I asked Sarah if she minded if I changed my guest from my husband to my friend Lea and explained why. Sarah replied that she doesn't want Lea over because she doesn't know her and isn't comfortable around strangers herself.

Okay...wait, what? First, she told us we could bring a guest. She didn't stipulate that this guest had to be someone she knew. Second, she hardly knows me, let alone my husband, whom I think she SAW working at my table at the anime con, but didn't actually talk to. Yet she's alright with him coming and not someone else?

I guess I don't understand. Okay, I understand people not wanting strangers in their house, but my husband and I are practically strangers to her. I've talked to her all of 5 minutes in person and a bit more online. Her and my husband haven't even been formally introduced. I don't understand why it's okay for him to come and not my best friend.

Anyway, I'm not really upset by it, mostly just confused.

[HYHYBT]

They live in the same city; it's possible they know each other already and don't get along, and she's trying to be tactful about it.

[jackfaire]

It could be a perception thing. Like you have pointed out you don't know her that well and she is looking at dynamics.

Her thoughts could be, "Well her husband isn't her friend he is just the guy she married so there is no way they will off in their own little corner"

So it's safe to let you bring your husband because you will be mingling meeting new people and getting closer to her.

However if you bring your friend her worry is "I know this is a friend she knows and she might spend more time hanging out with this friend becoming their own little group off in a corner instead of hanging out with the whole group."

And if you mentioned your friend lives in her town that idea might be reinforced in her mind thinking, "And she doesn't see her often either"

Just a shot in the dark.

[Boozy]

It's definitely weird, but "weird" I can usually handle. The problem is that it's incredibly rude.

If she had wanted to invite only yourself and your husband, then those are the people to whom she should have sent the Facebook invitation. Sending the invite to her friends and indicating that they can bring a "guest" means that the invitee can bring whomever they'd like.

I'd decline to go at this point. If this girl is so terribly anxious around strangers, she should have been more damned careful with the wording of her invites.

[MaggieTheCat]

I'd decline to go at this point. If this girl is so terribly anxious around strangers, she should have been more damned careful with the wording of her invites.

Boozy, I agree 100% with everything you posted and I have also decided not to go to Sarah's party at this point. My husband and I are still going to go visit Lea and her husband, since they are good friends of ours and we don't get to spend time with them very often, and I think that will be a much funner and more comfortable way to spend the weekend for us.

HYHYBT, I doubt they know each other, unless Lea is really holding out on me. I'd already asked Lea if she wanted to go to the party before Sarah had responded to my last message; I told Lea who was hosting it and where it was being held (Sarah's residence) and she made no indication that she knows Sarah.

Jack, I had never really thought about that before. I guess it doesn't make sense to me because my husband IS my friend and if we don't get along with others at the party, we certainly WOULD go into a corner by ourselves if we had to. Of course, we'd try to mingle first (well, I would, my husband would probably just try to hide behind me, as I said he doesn't like crowds of strangers.) Of course, if Sarah really is thinking like you suggest, she would have no way to know these things, so I guess if that's what she's thinking and this is how she's dealing with that possibility, then so be it.

On a side note, it's funny that you said, "her husband isn't her friend, just the guy she married" because my husband and I are each others' best friends. I know I said Lea is my best friend, I should have said she's my best female friend. If I had to pick one single "best friend" it would be my husband. We were friends for over 10 years before we even started dating.

[jackfaire]

On a side note, it's funny that you said, "her husband isn't her friend, just the guy she married" because my husband and I are each others' best friends. I know I said Lea is my best friend, I should have said she's my best female friend. If I had to pick one single "best friend" it would be my husband. We were friends for over 10 years before we even started dating.

*Nods* I know you seemed smarter than most people who have that thought. It's an old prejudice and the leading cause of divorce in my opinion. People will get with someone they are attracted to and if they have little to nothing in common and can't share friends because they themselves aren't really friends with each other then chalk it up to "Men and Women must be different too different to be friends"

More recently that has been changing with people realizing you don't have to be with someone whom seems like an alien to you.

But some people are still in that thought process.

[Andara Bledin]

But some people are still in that thought process.

My boyfriend got into a rather heavy debate with someone on another forum who declared that it had to be like that for a marriage to succeed. That the members should have little to nothing in common. Needless to say, that leaves both of us, who have been freinds for more than half our lives, and a couple for more than half of that, utterly baffled.

^-.-^

[Gravekeeper]

It could also be proximity. You and your husband live out of town, so if things go sour, oh well, you live a distance away. However, your friend lives in the same city. If things go badly with her, mayhaps she's worried she'll run into her again. Or mayhaps she's even worried your friend will want to hang out with her after you guys leave town.

Thus is my opinion as a social recluse. ;p