What is cheating?

[Gravekeeper]

Yeah, this whole thing sounds like a potential minefield honestly ( Especially if he's hiding all this from his wife, you're just asking for drama ). I would escape now and move on.

[Peppergirl]

One COULD give the benefit of the doubt, but in this case I'd say stay away. Just my gut feeling and the risk is not worth the potential for drama and recriminations, IMO.

[siead_lietrathua]

the big thing is IF he is hiding it from his wife. she could know. she could have extramarital partners of her own. it all depends on their relationship.
a great way to figure it out is to ask. if the guy claims to be in an open relationship he should have no problem about you wanting to check with his wife if it's ok. if he wont let you talk to her consider it a red flag.
but you should consider for your self too. if you are looking to date and it leading to marriage and etc, open marriage couples won't satisfy those desires.

[telecom_goddess]

the big thing is IF he is hiding it from his wife. she could know. she could have extramarital partners of her own. it all depends on their relationship.
a great way to figure it out is to ask. if the guy claims to be in an open relationship he should have no problem about you wanting to check with his wife if it's ok. if he wont let you talk to her consider it a red flag.

I agree with this. I used to be in an open relationship and could have profiles on dating sites or whatever I wanted. In fact one time I started a relationship with another poly person and had to pass muster with his girlfriend first...which I gladly did.

Poly is becoming more popular I think. And while I'm not poly now I want to change that. I think it's better in the long run.

[Greenday]

I agree with this. I used to be in an open relationship and could have profiles on dating sites or whatever I wanted. In fact one time I started a relationship with another poly person and had to pass muster with his girlfriend first...which I gladly did.

Poly is becoming more popular I think. And while I'm not poly now I want to change that. I think it's better in the long run.

Honestly, I wouldn't mind be poly, seeing as sometimes you just have feelings for more than one person and other times you are just attracted to other people. It's perfectly natural. My only problem is sometimes I get jealous thinking about being with someone and them hooking up with other people and sometimes I don't. And it wouldn't be fair to be in a poly relationship where only one person can be with other people.

[AdminAssistant]

I'm a big fan of monogamy, myself. I would be upset, to say the least, if in a few years my then-husband looked at me and said, "So how about we stay married, but we both see other people as well?"

[HYHYBT]

I want consistency and reliability. Finding ONE person is hard enough; I figure, once I do find someone good (if that ever happens) why keep looking?

[Gravekeeper]

I'm a big fan of monogamy, myself. I would be upset, to say the least, if in a few years my then-husband looked at me and said, "So how about we stay married, but we both see other people as well?"

I think you have to be wired differently for polygamy. Thus its difficult for the monogamous to understand and visa versa.

[siead_lietrathua]

I think you have to be wired differently for polygamy. Thus its difficult for the monogamous to understand and visa versa.

QFT. i'm one of those wired-poly people that got lucky enough to be married to, and dating another, wired-poly people.
i can understand monogamous people being upset with the idea of multiple partnerships. but i have also never understood having to stop loving one person because someone new is in my life. to me it's like being told i have to pick which parent to love, because i can only love one or that love isn't genuine.
oops. tired n ramblling, didnt mean to derail thread

[AdminAssistant]

Finding ONE person is hard enough; I figure, once I do find someone good (if that ever happens) why keep looking?

I know, every time I see an online dating site ad, or watch a terrible romantic comedy, or listen to a friend's dating woes I can't help but think, "So glad I never have to do that again!"

[Evandril]

Aye, if they are openly saying they are married, they either are looking for someone who will understand they need to keep it quiet (run away!) or they are doing it with their partner's permission (Up to your comfort level). If you check their profile, does it list their Wife's info? I know I've got more permissions than most, but I'm also up front about my status and the like *shrugs*

If it's against the rules they have in place, it's cheating...If not, 'tis not...but that doesn't change how it makes *YOU* feel.

[Mytical]

As usual I pretty much defy labels. I would be perfectly ok with having a poly special other, but I myself could not bring myself to be with another while I was with somebody. I would not get upset if my special other was seeing somebody else, however. Then again, I am also the type that if my special other wanted to try different things, compromises can be reached . Sometimes you just don't know what you like until you try it.

Anyhow..as for the op and if it is cheating or not. Personally I say no. It's not what I, or anybody else thinks however, that counts. It is what the people involved feel. If even one of the people involved think it is cheating, then you have to decide if you are ok with that. Yes I know, never claimed I make much sense.

[telecom_goddess]

The way I view poly is ...while I'm not out actively looking for someone else, if someone else happens to come into my life I would like the freedom to explore a relationship with that person as well.

[Evandril]

Poly...The way for people with multiple personalities to find all their mates! *adjusts halo* (I concider myself poly, btw )

[Andara Bledin]

Poly...The way for people with multiple personalities to find all their mates! *adjusts halo*

That made me giggle.

^-.-^