Video Game Addiction

[DrFaroohk]

I can't decide if 7 year old Jeffrey might need a "break" from the electronic entertainments...

I admit first of all it's largely my fault. I introduced the family to the wonderful concept of video games, and I myself enjoy them quite a bit.

But now I feel like little Jeffrey is too involved in the games. 2 things stand out to me - first, that he thinks that computer and xbox games are mandatory. He feels he's owed them every day. Even if we, say, go to the beach and have a great time. He comes home and is upset that his game time was infringed upon.

The second thing that I feel like is a problem is how upset he gets while playing them. Maybe I'm wrong about that, but I don't feel theres any reason, even for a 7 year old, to be crying because he can't beat that level on plants vs. zombies. And not just a mildly frustrated cry, I'm talkin full out bawling, eyes beat red and puffy, the whole works.

Is that really necessary? Part of me feels like if we're going to get that upset about it, we don't need to be playing. I know at 7 I never got that upset about any nintendo games, and they were 10 times harder and more annoying to play than this crap today.

The third thing that's kind of worrying me is that he is almost unable to entertain himself. He might take a little five minute break to throw a ball to the dog, but largely he's either in front of the computer or the xbox unless I specifically force him off it to do something else.

Again back to my childhood, I spent a lot of time alone, playing in the field or the woods. Even at 7, I could be outside, and that stick I found makes me a marine one second, a wizard the next, a Knight after that...and I don't see any of it from him. He needs to be in front of a screen being entertained. Should I be forcing him to go outside and play more often?


Should I be kicking him off the computer for the reasons above?

[siead_lietrathua]

you're the parent and he is the kid, whatever you choose is what will happen.
it could be, at this point, his imagination has suffered from gaming. i hear that sometimes from parents. so go outside with him and play with him to get the imagination working again. read books together, etc. heck play DND and go out into the brush for some LARP. its similar enough to computer gaming (using stats, the feeling of sucess when acheiving a level) to keep them interested.
thou if you are a heavy pc/console gamer it could be a leading-by-example thing. if its ok for you to game alot but he cant he might see it as hypocracy. if he only gets an hour of game time and sees you playing for 4-5+ hours a day, he will just see it as unfair, or question when you say it isnt good for him.
(dont take it the wrong way. my hubbies gaming addiction was a big factor into us choosing to be child-free)

it could be things are diffrent now too. when i was a kid we had one computer in the house, and one gaming unit in the house. we had to share and that made time-allowances seem reasonable. we were not allowed to have electronics in our rooms beyond a sterio until we were teenagers. the restrictions forced us to make our own entertainment.
these days it seems as though everyone has their own computers and consoles per-person rather than per-family. (again, not saying your house is like this, just alot of them). so time-allowances seem less reasonable since you are not getting off so someone else can use it.

[DrFaroohk]

LARPing is awesome! My friends and I had some cool adventures in the woods behind my house way back in the day...usually some bastardization of something we'd just seen or played, but still.

As far as leading by example - I'm torn. On the one hand, I should lead by example and show him first hand that computers are nothing and that the real world is more important. On the other hand, I'm an adult, and I do not answer to him. Fuck off, I play games and you don't.

For limiting game time....my parents tried very hard to limit mine, and I honestly believe that their extreme limitations are what created my personal addiction. They made such an issue out of it (Mom because it wasn't Christian, Dad because it wasn't football) that it became a "I have to play every second I can because god knows when the wrath of hell will be upon me to steal it away again".

I want to limit it, but not to fight about it. And I want to spend time with him, but not every single second. He should be able to entertain himself for a good solid hour, with no computer, TV or XBox.

[siead_lietrathua]

again thou, if he hasnt learned how to entertain himself, then someone needs to teach him. even if its inviting his friends over more often and letting them have supervised outdoor playtime. give them nerf swords and divide the backyard into a capture-the-flag game. they will go at it for hours.

also many gamers are not made addicts by limited game times. its the mental stimulation and mild-adrenalin(sp) and other bio-chemical rushes they get from the game. many kids i grew up with on limited game time turned out fine, but we also never felt the need to sneak around and game behind our parents backs because we were too busy having fun elsewhere.

[DrFaroohk]

I'm thinking of that episode of the simpsons where bart and some kid are in the kid's dads closet getting his cop gear out, and he's like "Why are you so fascinated with my Forbidden Closet of Mystery?" Kind of like that. I know that games can be addictive on their own, but being a douche about it just makes it worse.

For me, I was allowed 1 hour a day as a child. That INCLUDED: If I was giving Chuck a turn, that counted as part of my hour. If then Eric also wanted a turn, that still counted out of my hour. In fact, if I went outside and played while Chuck and Eric were playing Nintendo, it STILL came out of my hour, because I was thinking about it somewhere!!!! This is where i started to learn that mom can't fuck with me when she's asleep. Yay for staying up till 3 playing games!

[siead_lietrathua]

ya but the mentality that you needed to play a game, even for an hour, as a child is part of the addiction too. kids got along just fine before computers became home commodities. they can get along without gaming, as long as you dont let them get addicted.
if i had been ever caught being up till 3am to play a game before the age of, say, 14, i would have been done. the computer/gaming console would have been locked away and i wouldnt have seen it again until i no longer felt like it was something nessesary to my life.
ya it would have sucked for my parents/siblings/etc too but when it comes to an addictive behavior it has to be dealt with immediatly, be it gaming or gambling or alchohol.

[HYHYBT]

ya but the mentality that you needed to play a game, even for an hour, as a child is part of the addiction too. kids got along just fine before computers became home commodities. they can get along without gaming, as long as you dont let them get addicted.
if i had been ever caught being up till 3am to play a game before the age of, say, 14, i would have been done. the computer/gaming console would have been locked away and i wouldnt have seen it again until i no longer felt like it was something nessesary to my life.
ya it would have sucked for my parents/siblings/etc too but when it comes to an addictive behavior it has to be dealt with immediatly, be it gaming or gambling or alchohol.

Where do you see that he felt he *needed* that hour? Liking something and wanting to do it is not the same as "needing" it. Believing it unfair that your allotted time is used up by other people is not "needing" it.

[DrFaroohk]

Well, I get what he meant. But again, having my allotted time subject to all sorts of extra rules designed specifically to make sure I am unhappy is basically creating that need. I suppose it's like sharing toys - a kid won't play with the basketball until another kid wants it. Suddenly its his favorite toy. You get that shit injected into you 24/7 and it can have a profound effect.

[siead_lietrathua]

Where do you see that he felt he *needed* that hour? Liking something and wanting to do it is not the same as "needing" it. Believing it unfair that your allotted time is used up by other people is not "needing" it.

i was commenting his self-proclaimed addiction. addiction implies a need. if it isnt something that actually gives you the good old addict itch then its less an addiction and more a choice.
and yes, people do get down right twitchy with game withdrawl.

[anakhouri]

It sounds to me like there is definitely a problem. Personally, I would kick him out out of the house sometimes to play.

But even though you are the adult, you are right that you have to lead by example, and that means making sacrifices. Play games only after he's in bed, and take him outside and play knights with him or whatever. Take a week where no one in the house gets to play video games (maybe even kill the TV for a bit) and you all have to play board games or other things. Sure he's going to throw a fit but kids are resilient, he'll get over it. And he'll learn that real playing is fun (there's a Berenstain Bears book like that).

It won't be easy but it's best for the boy. And maybe you'll find that real playing with him is fun too, I have a blast playing with my boy (he's 2 so has no experience with video games yet, but what he does with his Superhero Squad toys is hilarious).

[Rapscallion]

School counsellor available? Quite frankly, none of us here are trained therapists, unless I've missed someone.

Also, a mate of mine controls the time on the PC for his two offspring - early teens. Limits them to six hours total a day - that includes homework etc. Uses the admin account feature.

Do you have that sort of functionality available?

Rapscallion

[siead_lietrathua]

you dont have to be a trained therapist to give an opinion
the idea of the computer timing them sounds easy. probbaly a way to synch it to passworded logins so bro cant use up sis's time by logging into her.

[Andara Bledin]

I used to be just like that kid.

You can't stop someone with an addict personality from obsessing over their current focus by banning them from doing what it is they want to do.

You can either find a good counselor who understands that personality type (anyone who blames the games is a hack), or you can do your best to adjust his focus and give him something else that will give him that same sense of accomplishment and reward as the games currently do.

I would suggest something that has a physical result, such as woodworking or model building.

^-.-^

[bara]

Yeah.. he needs to get away from the gaming for awhile.

[IDrinkaRum]

My daughter can be the same way. She's autistic though. So this might be a little different perspective as I do not believe Dr.'s son has autism.

Those with autism have the tendency to perseverate. (Obsess but to an epic level, and I mean EPIC). They latch on to one thing and keep thinking about it and thinking about it, until that's the only thing that matters.

What we've had to come up with (and so it's worked), is to write out a schedule (daily for us). Every Friday, she has PS3/Wii time with Daddy. She plays her Sonic the Hedgehog game(s). She'll get really frustrated, end up throwing the controller (or attempting to), and then her 1 hour of play time is cut down to (usually) the 20 or so minutes she's already played. But it works. She gets her Sonic time, and we don't have to keep hearing "Can I play Sonic?" every night.

Just a thought.