Do I have a horrible attitude?

[Andara Bledin]

I've said it before: You either need to start standing up for yourself and stop letting everybody around you make all of the big decisions, or you need to leave.

And the fact that you don't appear (based on your own posts, which are quite prolific) to put any weight behind your own positions when decisions are made, I also get the impression that you don't really make enough effort to be responsible for any of those major decisions, which means that when things go wrong, it's never your fault.

^-.-^

[Mytical]

Wait a minute. We do not know the full situation here. When others here have complained that their spouses have left them with ALL the work with say children, people are usually on the side of the person left with all the work. While, yes, I do believe that the op could phrase it better..what comes across to me is not complaining about taking care of the children..but the situation.

I've seen the situation reversed, and people jumping in to say how horrible it is that the spouse is leaving everything to that one person. Might be because of how it came across, but sorry I think what is fair for the goose is fair for the gander.

If the op is saying "I don't want to have to do everything, would be nice if my partner shared in the responsibility." Then that is one thing. If it is "I wanna play my video games, my partner should do the looking after the kids." Then it is time for the OP to 'Man up', put his big boy pants on, and realize the difference between a father and a dad. A father is just genetic material. A dad, a 'real man' takes care of their children, takes responsibility, and does their share.

You all may now get in line to smack me with a fish.

[anakhouri]

Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe DrF stays home with the kids while his wife works, and his son is actually his stepson, yes?

If DrF said to me, "My son is driving me nuts today" I wouldn't say "It's your own fault for marrying a woman with a child".

If his wife said to me, "I'm so tired, I wish I would sleep in." I wouldn't say "It's your own fault for having kids".

If my husband said to me, "I had to kill 47 mice today, it was awful" I wouldn't say, "It's your own fault for becoming a scientist."

I think the point it that just because you made a certain choice doesn't void your right to complain or sometimes feel weary of the path you chose. As long as you don't complain 24/7, it's fine. I wanted Khan more than anything but sometimes I wish I could have a day to myself again.

Without addressing the other issues, since I don't know the family personally, I think courtesy and respect demands you don't make hurtful, sarcastic comments when someone you love wants to vent a little. The exception is if the person complains relentlessly. Then more intervention might be needed, but saying "It's your own fault because-" isn't the right way to go about it.

[the_std]

Also, I admit to being confused as to the purpose of this thread. If it was for advice or an alternative perspective, it really doesn't seem to have worked. You asked our opinion, and then just came back to tell those of us who disagreed with your actions that we were wrong and here are all the reasons why. So were you doing it to prove how much we don't know about your personal life, because I'll admit we only know the pieces you've posted here. You almost seem to be offended by those of us who think you need an attitude adjustment, yet you flat-out asked us if your attitude sucked. I'm curious as to the response you hoped to achieve.

[DrFaroohk]

And the fact that you don't appear (based on your own posts, which are quite prolific) to put any weight behind your own positions when decisions are made, I also get the impression that you don't really make enough effort to be responsible for any of those major decisions, which means that when things go wrong, it's never your fault.

I admit to doing this...I'm not one to beg. I offer my opinion and I drop it. You don't take my advice, I don't see a difference if I said "Hey, let's do it this way" or if I say "OMG YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME RIGHT NOW OR THE SUN WILL EXPLODE!" I told you, you ignored me, your fault.

I suppose it's not the best way to get my point across, but not the worst either. I make myself clear. I just don't happen to beg or count to 3 or whatever. I say it once, and if you don't listen, well...we'll learn won't we?

[Andara Bledin]

If you know you're going to suffer for the poor decisions of which you had the opportunity to take an active part in making, then divorcing yourself from the process after only a token effort to be part of it is quite counterproductive to your own well-being.

^-.-^

[telecom_goddess]

Short answer...YES!!!

Oh snap Quick and to the point!

I used to complain when I had to work all day and then take care of the kids and house too. And this was when they were mostly babies or very young. Now these same kids are mostly out of the house and grown up. And believe it or not I miss the old days when they were little and I was their whole world. Now I never see 2 out of 3 anymore more and the one that's left is 18 and will probably move out soon too.

Point is....it seems like a lot now but one day you'll turn around and they will be grown up and GONE.

[LexiaFira]

feeling compelled to toss in an oberservational vote so to speak
To skip to the tl;dr version please read blue text


based on what i have seen of your posts specifically in fratching you seem negative or almost always upset with something going on in your household. I do understand the need to vent and so many times i also though, why not convey this to the people you are angry at? or you vent here and go back to life and either solve it or not or if it is solved we don't know. that's fine its your life.

however as of late, you seem very unhappy where you are. To the point when your wife says some offhanded comment -as typed here about wanting to sleep in and possibly not meaning anything about it- you feel the need to respond with such snarky negativity that its very toxic. now. I am not saying anyone here is right or wrong, nor am i saying your point is not valid. Also not knowing how it is in your house, or how things work or knowing the other side of the story what I feel i can say is that from every post I have read and recall, you seem to be the only one in misery and the source of issues.

Having said that please let me reiterate, no one is wrong or right here. But out of concern -yes honest concern - I say this in hopes that its a point in the right direction or at least some form of insight.


tl;dr
yes, you have a bad attitude, and having read all the posts and not knowing any input from wife or kids you seem the only pissy one about it. past issues do not seem to be resolved and that seems to add to your negativity.
either fix the problem, attempt to, convey how you feel about this or the ultimatum, leave if you are THAT miserable.

[DrFaroohk]

I suppose I should point out I don't actually SAY any of this shit...I'm just thinking it. That may not help, but its just annoying, ESPECIALLY when I get the same treatment for complaining.

Me: Complain complain complain.

Everyone Else: You were vaguely involved in this situation that is now bothering you so you are a nasty little whiner and need to shut up!

and then...

Someone Else: Wah, this situation that I directly inflicted upon myself despite repeated warnings is causing me distress.

Me: Well, I told you so, quit complaining. You made your bed now sleep in it.

Everyone else: GASP! YOU HAVE BAD ATTITUDE!

Just like a little consistency. If I'm not allowed to complain, neither is anyone else.

If they are, so am I.

My attempts at communication with others aren't usually met with very enthusiastic ears anyway, so sometimes I stop trying. And as I said, I'm not a begger. I told you, you ignored me, fuck off. That's it. There is no "I didn't try hard enough". You heard my words, you ignored them. You can't handle me being pissed off? THEN LISTEN TO WHAT I'M TELLING YOU!

[the_std]

As distorted as your world view can be sometimes, I do hope you realize that the situation you've laid out in your last post has never, ever come from someone on this forum - we've only ever directly told you that your attitude sucks when you specifically asked if that was the case. And therefore your hypothetical situations that you keep quoting are completely unprovable, and I'm sorry, but you use them enough that enough they're embellished or the people in your life have attitudes that suck as much as yours seems to.

So therefore, you're bringing up the wrong evidence to the wrong people, because either way, you're still partially responsible for what happens. Either your attitude does suck enough for people to be brusque and short with you and not put up with your complaining anymore, or you willingly associate with people whose attitudes are equally terrible and, while you're not responsible for their actions, you're responsible for the fact that you continue to associate with them.

There are different levels of responsibility for any situation, but if you are involved in some way, there is ALWAYS some responsibility on your, or anyone's, shoulders and the sooner you suck it up and deal with it, the sooner you'll stop hating your life.

[Sleepwalker]

Vaguely involved in fathering a planned child with your wife? Good god. Go see a therapist. The reason people aren't feeling sorry for YOU is that they feel sorry for the KID.

[DrFaroohk]

Vaguely involved in fathering a planned child with your wife?

The lack of comprehension in that statement is absolutely ASTOUNDING.

[the_std]

... DrF, I'm starting to wonder if you can even see what I am saying. Are you going to respond to any of my comments?

[DrFaroohk]

Thought I'd pretty much summed everything up. What are we missing?

[the_std]

Thought I'd pretty much summed everything up. What are we missing?

There are different levels of responsibility for any situation, but if you are involved in some way, there is ALWAYS some responsibility on your, or anyone's, shoulders and the sooner you suck it up and deal with it, the sooner you'll stop hating your life.

How about this? Do you agree, disagree, or are you going to bother contesting the veracity of your statements, the amount of embellishment you put in your stories?... Do you feel like you're being responsible for your life choices?