Do I have a horrible attitude?

[DrFaroohk]

Also titled, whether to keep this to myself or not....

I feel like people should stick to their choices and deal with the consequences. So when Mrs. Faroohk says to me "Oh gee whiz I'm tired, I'd sure love to sleep in tomorrow morning"....

I feel like saying "Aye, sleeping in is fun. In fact, I remember having a discussion about sleeping in, about 4 years ago...that's right, I remember now. You were telling me you were pregnant, and I said, among other things, that kids effectively ruin the concept of sleeping in, and for someone who enjoys sleeping in so much might want to consider that when deciding to have a child...seems to me you had two choices - a kid, or sleeping in, and you chose kid. So have fun with that."

[the_std]

Uh yeah, that's a pretty crappy attitude. She is just saying she's tired, she's not saying, "Oh Farhook, I am soooo much more tired than you are. You can get up early and watch the kids tomorrow, right? You don't need to sleep in!" cause that's the only thing I could think of her saying to you to warrant such a response.

I think you need to think outside of your head a lot more often.

[Boozy]

The resentment you have towards your wife and children must be quite toxic in your home.

I'd love to think that your kids don't pick up on it, but kids are pretty intuitive.

[DrFaroohk]

I suppose. It's more for the wife. Damn I love the woman but jesus christ she knows how to push the buttons and piss me off.

I just feel like as the one who actively chose to have children, she should want to do more with them. That's the path she chose, she needs to walk that path. It's not fair to them, and not fair to me.

I know she's busy a lot, and I'm not saying she needs to take the kids to work with her or sleep with them. But this IS the path she chose. I chose the lazy slackers path, but was not allowed it. As the person who CHOSE this path, she A) doesn't ever get to complain about it and B) should always want to be doing it. The way I used to enjoy warcraft and watching House, that's the way she should enjoy doing kid stuff, and she's not, and insults the living hell out of me.

I'm just sick of people dumping their crap on me. Yeah it's half my kid. Not 90% my kid. Just like it doesn't matter to me what fucking color our living room is. So certainly the one who wanted it a certain color should be a litle more enthusiastic about it, and does not get to complain when it's too fucking hard.

[the_std]

That just shows how much resentment towards the life you're living now... And believe me, your wife and kids can feel it. Either deal with your issues or leave, cause that attitude, like Boozy said, is supremely toxic.

[DrFaroohk]

But I'm glad it's been confirmed, here at least, that it's ok to make big decisions that involve other people, give them zero regard, and them heap on most of the responsibility to that person. That IS ok right? That's what you're saying?

[siead_lietrathua]

I just feel like as the one who actively chose to have children, she should want to do more with them. That's the path she chose, she needs to walk that path. It's not fair to them, and not fair to me.
...
But I'm glad it's been confirmed, here at least, that it's ok to make big decisions that involve other people, give them zero regard, and them heap on most of the responsibility to that person. That IS ok right? That's what you're saying?

this is the only part i find horrible really.
if you were so dead set against having children you didnt have to do it to appease her. no one forced you to have kids. if you were 1000% against having kids you could have gotten a vasectomy. or a divorce.
you chose to marry this woman, you chose to stay with her despite your diffrences regarding children, and you chose to sire those children. your choices have given you this outcome.

[DrFaroohk]

I'm totally down with that.

I just want to be able to say the same to her. "You chose this, you chose to marry a guy who didn't want kids, you chose to have the kid, you chose to......" Why is it that saying it to me is right, but I say it and I have a bad attitude?

[siead_lietrathua]

I'm totally down with that.

I just want to be able to say the same to her. "You chose this, you chose to marry a guy who didn't want kids, you chose to have the kid, you chose to......" Why is it that saying it to me is right, but I say it and I have a bad attitude?

i dont think people would think you have a bad attitude for that. but you do seem to post alot about how much you get annoyed with your family and how much you dislike being or doing things with them. i think that may be what they mean by creating a toxic enviroment. the buried resentment and tension between you and your spouse, your kids, your extended relatives, will one day explode if it isnt dealt with properly.
honest opinion? i think you and your wife could both use some individual and couples councilling. and once you two are back on base as a team, maybe some family councilling with the kids to get you all back on track with eachother.

[DrFaroohk]

But that seems like so much work for what is basically "DO your fucking share of the job you stuck me with".

[siead_lietrathua]

But that seems like so much work for what is basically "DO your fucking share of the job you stuck me with".

welcome to being married to a clashing personality then. *shrug*
when people have wildly difffrent values and choose to start a life together, they have to learn to come to a rational conclusion together. otherwise it will never end well.

[protege]

The way I used to enjoy warcraft and watching House, that's the way she should enjoy doing kid stuff, and she's not, and insults the living hell out of me.

So you're pissed that you can no longer spend all day playing video games? That's the price to pay when you have children.

I'm just sick of people dumping their crap on me. Yeah it's half my kid. Not 90% my kid.

Are you fucking serious? There aren't any "halves" involved with kids. If you didn't want the kid, don't want to take care of the kid...you shouldn't have made it in the first place.

[DrFaroohk]

Are you fucking serious? There aren't any "halves" involved with kids. If you didn't want the kid, don't want to take care of the kid...you shouldn't have made it in the first place.

AWesome. Now why is it suddenly a "bad attitude" when I say that same thing to my wife?

I'm getting off track. My attitude is not "I don't wanna deal with the kids." So stop saying "You should take care of your kids more!"

My attitude is this: As supplier of half the genetic code for this child, I recognize it as my own and the responsibilities and duties that come with it. As not only the supplier of half the genetic code but ALSO the adult responsible for the ultimate decision (and who had the last say in the matter) and who also CHOSE this decision rather than sort of having it thrust upon them, I expect a little more from the mrs. Mainly, that when she's home from work and tired, great. But when there's kid stuff to do, she better be up for it. She needs a break? No, the kids ARE your break honey! This is the life you chose! This is the path you set us on against every piece of advice I gave you! This is what you ignored that advice for, and you are NOT going to stick ME with all the extra shit that you just now are figuring out might be a pain in the ass!!!! The same pain in the ass I begged you not to inflict upon me 4 years ago!

Idiot test - read that, and figure it means "I don't want to take care of my kids".

[Rapscallion]

The same pain in the ass I begged you not to inflict upon me 4 years ago!

Well, rape of a man by a woman has been proven.

Rapscallion

[Ree]

Do I have a horrible attitude?

Short answer...YES!!!