Do I have a horrible attitude?

[DrFaroohk]

The stuff I put in quotes are, yes, hypothetical paraphrases of real life situations I find myself in. They are not word for word. If you're gonna call me on that, then the internet would like to have a word with you.

I tend to agree about the responsibility thing, and I believe that those with more responsibility need to deal with more of their shit. AND it's been established in another thread of mine that when it comes to consequences, the LAST PERSON who had the chance to prevent it is the MOST responsible (see my "when the system screws up" thread...) Unless we're changing that now? In which case we are just changing our arguments to suit us best? Okie dokie!


Now, I also agree - I need to suck it up and deal with it. Ya know what else I think - SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE. I got married and had a kid. I need to suck it up and deal with it. Guess what? So does the Mrs... Suck it up and deal with it.

[the_std]

I tend to agree about the responsibility thing, and I believe that those with more responsibility need to deal with more of their shit. AND it's been established in another thread of mine that when it comes to consequences, the LAST PERSON who had the chance to prevent it is the MOST responsible (see my "when the system screws up" thread...) Unless we're changing that now? In which case we are just changing our arguments to suit us best? Okie dokie!

I'm not changing any arguments here. I do agree that it would be nice if the people with the larger proportions of responsibility were to deal with it, and if those people who say those things to you were here, I would tell them not to be douchebags about it. However, they aren't. You are. You're the one who started this whole thing and put your attitude on the line.

Now, I also agree - I need to suck it up and deal with it. Ya know what else I think - SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE. I got married and had a kid. I need to suck it up and deal with it. Guess what? So does the Mrs... Suck it up and deal with it.

Your wife is not the one on here saying "Aye, sleeping in is fun. blah blah blah you chose to have a kid, deal with it" when you say you'd like to sleep in tomorrow morning. You're the one who wanted to overreact to a simple statement made by someone you're supposed to love about a kid that you have an equal share in. So you know what? I'm not going to tell your wife to suck it up, cause she's not the one coming on here willingly talking about the terrible attitude she wants to give you about an innocent comment. You can deal with it like a big boy, since you're the one who agreed to give her a kid then come here and bitch about it in a ton of posts and threads.

[guywithashovel]

Maybe I'm confusing you with someone else, but if I recall correctly from prior posts, this baby wasn't a "planned pregnancy," per se. Didn't she either forget her pill or she used a pill and it didn't work? I seem to remember you saying something about that in another post.

As for the attitude you have, I hesitate to make any concrete judgments because I'm not in your shoes. I do think Boozy has a point, though. You may not be saying all of this and just thinking it, but people can often pick up on other people's attitudes.

I'll just leave it at that.

[blas87]

Yeah, you do have a crappy attitude, but I'm not going to act like I'm better than you, because I harbor a lot of negative thoughts about my friends/family/significant other throughout the week and then pop up on Thurs/Fri and post them all like mad, so I'd been a damn hypocrite to tell you what you need to or should do.

If you treat this site as I do, just to bitch and bitch away in a safe place, I'll give ya a lot more leeway, because that's what I do. People have slapped labels on me and insinuated that I'm the problem in my life, but I really truly have no one else to vent to. I could get a diary or just open a Word document and blast away, but it feels better to get it out and have a stranger read it. Someone who can't tell me I'm too harsh on people or whatnot.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I just feel like as the one who actively chose to have children, she should want to do more with them. That's the path she chose, she needs to walk that path. It's not fair to them, and not fair to me.

.

\

No. Sir. You actively chose to have children when you didn't wear a condom, claimed you never wore a condom, claimed you shouldn't have to wear a condom because you didn't like to wear a condom, and that you shouldn't have to wear a condom because your wife has the option of having an abortion if she gets knocked up. I remember that particular string of posts, so I hope you do, too. Riding bareback has risks. You presumably knew the risks when you chose to saddle up. If your wife lied to you about the birth control situation, I'm sorry for you. That was wrong of her, but I suspect that that was not the first time she'd been dishonest with you. Bottom line, it's your responsibility to protect yourself.

You can tell yourself it's not your responsibility all you want. I can tell myself I'm a Swedish supermodel. It doesn't change reality.

You're always going on about what is everyone else's responsibility. Okay, well, listen: a sexually active man takes the responsibility to make sure he doesn't impregnate his partner if he doesn't want to be a father. Two of you made the kids, two of you need to take care of business and stop with the antagonistic, resentful attitude towards each other and start working as a team to support the health of your family. This is your reality. It would suck a lot less if you learned how to cope with your reality instead of fight it. Quit going on about what's fair and what's not fair. You're a grown man. My six year old knows life ain't fair at this point. The only unfairness I see that matters is that your kids are growing up in a house where their father very clearly resents their very existence. THAT is what is unfair.

And yes, since you're asking, your attitude is horrible.

[DrFaroohk]

Great. As long as that speech applies just as much to the female who chose not to use pill, condom OR abortion as well.

And why don't we apply this mentality to other situations, say, burglars who get shot? Ahem "You chose to break into a home in the middle of the night, you knew full well the owner may have a gun and you knew full well that you could've been shot". But instead we get comments about the sanctity of human life and no one ever deserves to die...Even if the details are different, shoudn't the principle be the same?

[Andara Bledin]

Yes, that applied just as much to the woman. Equally. Just because the other person is also at fault does not mean that the first isn't.

If you really didn't want kids, then you shouldn't have had kids.

If you still don't want to have kids, then you need to get out. It's not fair to them that you're bitter about their very existence.

^-.-^

[Rapscallion]

Great. As long as that speech applies just as much to the female who chose not to use pill, condom OR abortion as well.

If memory serves, Butterfly wanted a child and you didn't, correct? If so, then she bears no fault in this.

Rapscallion

[guywithashovel]

I seem to remember a post where DrF said that he was given assurances that a condom wasn't needed because she was on birth control, and he chose not to wear one because condoms suck, and then the baby happened.

Am I right, Farookh?

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Yeah, I seem to recall that's the situation. And that sucks.

However, he should not have had bareback sex with a woman he knew wanted kids while he didn't. Like I said, I would bet money this was not the first time the woman had been dishonest with him. This sort of thing does not come out of the blue, out of character.

Does it apply to the woman as well? Are you asking me if life is fair?

Yes, it does apply to the woman as well, but that is completely irrelevant. We are not trying to figure out what measure of guilt is due each person. We're talking about your life and how you shaped it and what your attitude is about what you've created.

Again, let me reiterate: Life is not fair. Your wife's guilt does not absolve you of yours. It does not give you call to take it out on your kids and whine about how life isn't fair.

I'm not sure how the dead burglar analogy fits in here, but if you're still looking for fairness and justice in the world, and you're asking me if it's fair if someone doing something stupid, irresponsible, and risky and has bad things happen to him as a result, the answer is "yes."

Actually, the answer is "duh."