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Men and Women Can't Be Friends

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  • #16
    This is something I have wrestled with for the past several years.

    When I was young (like teens and very early twenties), I thought, "Sure, why can't you just be friends with the opposite sex?" During my third year of college, in a social psychology class, this came up in class discussion. The professor cited a study (don't have info on it so it'll just have to be anecdotal) where several straight men were interviewed about female friends. According to her, the men said that they would enjoy having female friends, but at the same time, in the backs of their minds they were usually wondering if it would turn into something more serious.

    I can echo that sentiment. I've had female friends throughout my life, and yes, I enjoyed talking to them and having them as friends. But with most of them, I'll admit to entertaining notions in the back of my mind of whether it would turn into something more. Now, that shouldn't be read as me constantly wanting to rip off their clothes and ravage them. It's just that, on a subliminal level, I couldn't help but wonder if it would go farther.

    If you like having opposite sex friends, then I think you should be mindful that many straight people have a hard time maintaining mere friendships with the opposite sex. They may get along well with them, but at the same time, they can't help but entertain other thoughts and likely get their hopes up, too. If you are befriending a straight member of the opposite sex, you could potentially get them to thinking that you're romantically interested, and when it comes out that you're not, that person could feel like he or she has been "led on" or "played with."

    Maybe it's just me, and I know my experience doesn't always reflect reality, but it seems that women tend to enjoy opposite sex friendships a little more than men do. Many of them seem to like having a "male girlfriend" to hang out with. Of course, the guy often thinks that this budding friendship is a warm-up to a relationship, and sometimes it is, though often it isn't. Again, I'm not saying that this is reality, and I'm not saying it's necessarily bad, I'm just saying that this is what it seems like to me.

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    • #17
      i call bullshit on this cant-be-friends mentality. i have a base of about 65% male friends.
      that's just friends, not partners or FWBs. those get their own catagory in my head.
      there is no sexual want between any of us because we are more like family than friends. i've had them say about me "hell no, it would be like dating my mom/sister/etc" when asked this same question. and ditto. dont get me wrong, i love all my friends. but i love them in a non-sexual manner.
      All uses of You, You're, and etc are generic unless specified otherwise.

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      • #18
        A lot of my guy friends are either guys I met when I was already engaged, so they knew from the start that I was "off limits"; or guys I used to know back in primary school when we climbed trees and played football together, so I'd never see them that way at all.

        I have three brothers. I've always gotten on better with men than women cuz of that. I've had loads of guy friends, and only once did one of my guy friends ask me out; I just let him down gently cuz I thought of him as a friend, and he was fine with that.
        "Oh wow, I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are."

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        • #19
          Sorry op, but I gotta disagree. I'm a male, and the majority of my friends in hs were female--admittedly because I met most through the mostly female anima club, but thats another story.

          Have I had female friends I wanted more from? Yes. Is it the norm for me? Not particularly.

          And I really dislike the "cant be friends with someone you wanna bone/date/whatever" mentallity. Its always struck me as an excuse.

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          • #20
            I think Billy Chrystal says it best.

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFWGOKuFyjk
            AKA sld72382 on customerssuck.

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            • #21
              I like having female friends. I can talk to a female friend about things Id NEVER bring up with my guy friends.

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              • #22
                ^This. I'm very into football (soccer to you Americans) and support a team. Most of my female friends die on the spot if football gets into the conversation; however, I can talk about it til the cows come home with my male friends, along with some friendly trashing of each others' teams.
                "Oh wow, I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are."

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Lace Neil Singer View Post
                  ^This. I'm very into football (soccer to you Americans)

                  The rules of football were codified in England by the Football Association in 1863 and the name association football was coined to distinguish the game from the other forms of football played at the time, specifically rugby football. The term soccer originated in England, first appearing in the 1880s as an Oxford "-er" abbreviation of the word "association".[6]

                  Within the English-speaking world, association football is usually called football (or colloquially footy) in the United Kingdom, and soccer in Australia, Canada, New Zealand, and the United States. Other countries may use either or both terms, and may also have local names for the sport.
                  From Wikipedia.
                  Jack Faire
                  Friend
                  Father
                  Smartass

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                  • #24
                    So? Every American I've chatted to online has called football "soccer". I get into the habit of calling football "soccer" cuz otherwise they assume I mean American football. Seeing as football was played back in the days when America wasn't even discovered, I don't see why I shouldn't call it football.
                    "Oh wow, I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are."

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Lace Neil Singer View Post
                      So? Every American I've chatted to online has called football "soccer". I get into the habit of calling football "soccer" cuz otherwise they assume I mean American football. Seeing as football was played back in the days when America wasn't even discovered, I don't see why I shouldn't call it football.
                      My British friend calls it "proper football" when he talks about soccer. He also showed us what a proper tea time is like while we watched some Black Adder. Good stuff!
                      Violence has resolved more conflicts than anything else. The contrary opinion that violence doesn't solve anything is merely wishful thinking at its worst. - Starship Troopers

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                      • #26
                        I don't want anything to do sexually or romantically with my guy friends. They are all ugly dorks.

                        Yeah, so mean. But true.

                        My bf is a cute but doesn't realize or care about it dork.

                        I make friends with guys better because I have a dirty mind and mouth and girls tend to just all feel so threatened by other girls that everything is a competition...or all they ever want to do is gossip about other people's relationships or hookups. And I could go on and on about clothes and shop for hours until I was living in a box, but I can't and I won't.

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                        • #27
                          So... do I go tell all the friends who happened to be female that I can't be friends with them anymore because they are females?

                          I call bullshit on so many levels.

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                          • #28
                            The rules of football were codified in England by the Football Association in 1863 and the name association football was coined to distinguish the game from the other forms of football played at the time, specifically rugby football. The term soccer originated in England, first appearing in the 1880s as an Oxford "-er" abbreviation of the word "association".[6]
                            Yeah, we didn't make up the term, but we DO use it more than anyone else.

                            And it is useful if you're talking to Americans, especially if the sentence is ambiguous.

                            (Fullback and halfback are things in both sports I believe)
                            "Nam castum esse decet pium poetam
                            ipsum, versiculos nihil necessest"

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by blas87 View Post
                              I don't want anything to do sexually or romantically with my guy friends.
                              Yea but what about them? Do they want anything to do sexually with you?
                              Violence has resolved more conflicts than anything else. The contrary opinion that violence doesn't solve anything is merely wishful thinking at its worst. - Starship Troopers

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                              • #30
                                If I say anything, I'll just come across as conceited and full of myself.

                                Better to not give people anymore reason than I already do to tear me apart for the way I think differently than others on this site.

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