Men and Women Can't Be Friends

[Gravekeeper]

The correct term for American Football is "Hand Egg".

As for the op, I am going to venture forth and label this problem as a function of age/maturity vs upbringing rather than a functioning stereotype. As this issue largely manifests in the younger end of the spectrum with a special caveat for upbringing.

When you are younger and single, you may be constantly accessing everyone you meet as potential mate material. Because you are young, doe eyed and this is high on your list of priorities. Unless your upbringing exposed you constantly to the opposite sex and pulled your brain over to evaluting them as people before mates. Being raised around the opposite sex for example ( opposite sex siblings ) seems to have this effect.

If someone is female, raised with male siblings, or male, raised with female siblings, they may trend towards having more friends of the opposite sex with whom they do not want to bang. Because they grew up around and know how to interact with members of the opposite sex who are not potential bang targets. Thus to them the idea of forming a relationship with the opposite sex that does not involve banging is a proven reality. They already have a mental slot for "Girls/Boys I can have a relationship with without wanting to bang" ready to fill people in too.

I for example, while an only child, was raised by a single mother and often around a female cousin who was practically a sibling. After I weathered the intial "Omfg girls exist and they are pretty" portion of my early teens, my circle of friends pretty much did a full 180 from about the age of 15-16 from all male to all female. I did not want to bang any of them. I was just tired of putting up with 15-16 year old males who really did not talk about anything excepting wanting to bang any of them. >.>

I found females more mature at the time and easier to get along with. Without having to bring up the banging of anything with tits every other sentence. I should also point out that the banging of anything with tits discussions that occured in my original circle of friends was directly almost entirely by guys who had only brothers.

Thus I will conclude this equation is a matter of age and upbringing.

PS. I should likely mention that I have ended up rather poor at making male friends too as a result.

[blas87]

I am inclined to agree with you GK, but I'm not sure if it's always the case.

I have only one sibling, a brother, and we didn't get along until we were both teens.

Then again, I've always been friends with boys more than girls. In kindergarten and 1st and 2nd grades, the teachers made concerned calls to my parents that I was only playing with the boys and didn't get along well with girls.

To this day, it's still very much that way. I don't have many female friends, and the ones I do, aren't close in age to me.

Girls just don't like me. Never have. Probably never will.

[Greenday]

Unless your upbringing exposed you constantly to the opposite sex and pulled your brain over to evaluting them as people before mates. Being raised around the opposite sex for example ( opposite sex siblings ) seems to have this effect.

I was raised by my single mother. It was my mom, my sister and I.

Look, I don't meet every woman with the intention of wanting to bang and/or date them. It's something beyond my control and I know a lot of other guys are the same way.

[Gravekeeper]

Look, I don't meet every woman with the intention of wanting to bang and/or date them. It's something beyond my control and I know a lot of other guys are the same way.

You're also on the younger end of the scale though, are you not? I vaguely recall you mentioning being in your early 20s somewhere. Still in prime mate selection age. -.- Age, upbringing, hormones, call it what you will. I think the generalization, like many gender based ones, is actually just referring to a narrow band ( college years ) on the age scale and then verifying itself with confirmation bias.

None of my male friends display this particular inclination for example. But we're all post college age.

[jackfaire]

So? Every American I've chatted to online has called football "soccer". I get into the habit of calling football "soccer" cuz otherwise they assume I mean American football. Seeing as football was played back in the days when America wasn't even discovered, I don't see why I shouldn't call it football.

I was more pointing it out because we Americans always get laughed at for calling it Soccer like we invented the term when really it was introduced to us as Soccer. I don't think you were doing it or even trying to do it but some people from England will be all.

"My god you yanks so provincial I can't believe you call it Soccer"

My response is usually "Uhm yeah well that's what you called it when you said hey check out this fun game"

[Sleepwalker]

I was raised by my single mother. It was my mom, my sister and I.

Look, I don't meet every woman with the intention of wanting to bang and/or date them. It's something beyond my control and I know a lot of other guys are the same way.

Then maybe you should be the one up front to say that you are not going to be friends with any women you meet.

[Kheldarson]

As for the op, I am going to venture forth and label this problem as a function of age/maturity vs upbringing rather than a functioning stereotype. As this issue largely manifests in the younger end of the spectrum with a special caveat for upbringing.

This. My husband and I are kind of opposite. He has mostly female friends, I have mostly male friends. Our friend groups overlap mostly at this point, but generally most of the female friends are from his side and the male from mine. This is because he has one sister and his mom, and I'm the only girl in my family (brothers and male cousins).

[Andara Bledin]

My friends have usually trended more guys than gals, but that was almost always because other girls tended to view me with suspicion... likely because I've always been friends with a lot of guys, and some girls (who tend to view every guy as a potential mate) are threatened by those of us who don't, because they don't understand the idea of guys as just friends.

So, I'm going to agree with what Gravekeeper said. Especially since as I and my circle of friends has gotten older, there have been more and more women as part of it.

^-.-^

[blas87]

I agree with Andara on her point about women, that's probably always been my problem.

I noticed most of my female friends, which are older than me, are very comfortable with themselves, and don't feel the need to gossip and talk behind other women's backs like so many girls my age *still* do so frequently.

[Aethian]

Do I have guy friends? Yes.
Would my guy friends like to sleep with me? No. Their wives/girlfriends would kill me and then them.
Would I want to sleep with any of my guy friends? No, because that would RUIN the relationship of friendship. If their was no chance of ruining the relationship, would I want to sleep with any of them? If I was single then yes I would.
Do I think that those who can't have friends of the opposite sex are immature sexist brats? Yup.

[wolfie]

The correct term for American Football is "Hand Egg".

Actually, it's (as my mother taught me) "teddyball". After all, the players cuddle the ball like a teddy bear while they run with it.

Personally, I'm not a sports fan, so don't ask me how many touchdowns the Leafs got in the World Series.

[Lace Neil Singer]

The correct term for American Football is "Hand Egg".

Like this?

http://www.onlymotivational.com/pict...s-hand_Egg.jpg

I was more pointing it out because we Americans always get laughed at for calling it Soccer like we invented the term when really it was introduced to us as Soccer. I don't think you were doing it or even trying to do it but some people from England will be all.

"My god you yanks so provincial I can't believe you call it Soccer"

My response is usually "Uhm yeah well that's what you called it when you said hey check out this fun game"

I just don't want Americans to be confused when I refer to football; after all, Americans call football "soccer" so that's the term I'll use. I don't like people to get confused.

[Andara Bledin]

Mildly OT, but the other day I saw an ad on a Spanish language channel for a sports program. During the ad, they mentioned that they feature both "futbol and football." It amused me.

^-.-^

[guywithashovel]

There is something to be careful of when befriending members of the opposite sex.

Make sure the person you are befriending doesn't misunderstand your intentions. If it's unclear, it can lead to feelings of betrayal and feeling like you've been "played with," even if that wasn't the intention.

Also, all too often, people who like opposite sex friendships will befriend people who don't get that much opposite sex attention overall, and that person will think, "Great! My ship is finally coming in!" Then, of course, the rug gets pulled out from under them.

[Sleepwalker]

And how careful should the person thinking they are going to get their dick wet be? Wouldn't the onus of communication be on the person who expected MORE than was actually happening?

/eyeroll