What's the difference

[Rapscallion]

Well, based on his posts, none of his problems lie with him; they're all created by outside agents over whom he has no control whatsoever, and he's forced to just ride with the tides as he struggles to be the voice of reason and hold everybody else's lives together because they're too stupid to do it themselves.

^-.-^

I take the view that he's got a load of perceived problems and tries to take it out on us here, being just this side of insulting every time, and it's his stepson who suffers.

Rapscallion

[HYHYBT]

Is it all right to suggest counseling for the child? The school might have one. Both my brother and my mom are (or were; Mom's retired) elementary school counselors and this seems like something they'd be of help with. And they're paid by the school. It at least would be worth looking into.

(And if it's too late for serious suggestions on the original topic, I apologize for making one.)

[Mytical]

Well here are some things to chew on, consider them or not..it's your call.

First, for some reason male children seem to identify with their mothers, and female children their fathers (there are of course exceptions). So that is one thing.

Second. Your daughter is probably in the 'I love daddy, daddy is the best' phase. Don't worry, normally they will grow out of that. Son is probably already grown out of that and is in the 'push the envelope, test the limits' phase. Want's to know where the lines are, just so they can cross them. It will continue to get worse as they get into the teens.

Just think back to when YOU were a kid. How much you hated chores (I know I did), rules, etc. Unless you are looking back with rose colored glasses, you will see that it is not much different.

Patience..that is the key. Raising your voice solves nothing, you start playing their game. Keep a level tone, do not yell, regardless of how much you would like to...they are children..don't let them dictate to you how it's going to go. The more you yell, the more justified they believe themselves to be. "He hates me! See how much he yells at me??!" Don't fall for the bait. Keep the rules the same, no exceptions, and keep punishments fitting the crime. Don't threaten, just remind them of the punishment, they yell..don't yell back, just follow through with the punishment.

Remember that he is just a child. He is hurting, he is rebelling, and he is testing your resolve/limits. The more you yell, play his game, and react..the worse it will get. Be consistent, be patient, and be loving/supportive. That is all you can do.

[DrFaroohk]

"You're an asshole."

"No i'm not."

"STOP BEING SO DEFENSIVE MY GAWWWWD!"



lol....

OTOH I DID get SOME good advice from the thread, so all is not lost!

Edit: I wonder if my posts would be better on CS. If you imagine my job to be "the home", and it's denizens are my customers.....

[Ree]

"You're an asshole."

"No i'm not."

"STOP BEING SO DEFENSIVE MY GAWWWWD!"

Once again, "THAT. RIGHT THERE. You chose to interpret it that way. That is not my problem."

Please give references to where anyone called anyone else an "asshole" in this thread.

Glad you feel you got some good advice.

Are you planning on acting on any of it?

Which advice do you feel would be practical for you to implement?

Is there any way we can help with support as you work to help your son?

[DrFaroohk]

Once again, "THAT. RIGHT THERE. You chose to interpret it that way. That is not my problem."

Same double standard as usual.

Please give references to where anyone called anyone else an "asshole" in this thread.

So far, I don't think anyone has actually said the word asshole, but it's about as valid as most of the other shit people have made up and stuffed into my mouth.

Are you planning on acting on any of it?

Which advice do you feel would be practical for you to implement?

Mostly just trying harder I guess. I don't think I'm going to force him to do chores anymore. I'm not going to PUNISH him for doing chores either. I'll probably stick to my original plan though of No Chores = No Electronics, unless that seems to be a bad idea.

Is there any way we can help with support as you work to help your son?

How about "Not making me feel like an asshole just because my kids stress me out and I actually have the nerve to say the things most people think anyway".

[Ree]

Same double standard as usual.

Yes. Yes it is. (Can I get you a mirror?)

How about "Not making me feel like an asshole just because my kids stress me out and I actually have the nerve to say the things most people think anyway".

Again: *"THAT. RIGHT THERE. You chose to interpret it that way. That is not my problem."*

If you can't recognize that I honestly cared about that little boy and tried to help, then you are definitely the one with the perception problem.

[HYHYBT]

I wonder if my posts would be better on CS. If you imagine my job to be "the home", and it's denizens are my customers.....

From here, that sounds like an exceptionally poor idea...