Some Guys' Attitudes About Sex

[blas87]

Warning: This is about sex. If you don't like topics about sex or members perhaps divulging some personal info, skip.

I won't go too far here, if I can help it.

What encouraged this thread. Something that happens occasionally. I'm tired, and I don't want to do it right now. And, yesterday.....I'm not going to get jiggy, mess myself all up when I have plans later today with my family, showing up with crazy hair, missing earrings, and clothes that have been taken off and put back on multiple times. Sounds like a stupid excuse, but it's one of my...things. I'm not a "go and go" girl. I don't get jiggy, then just go do something else. I cannot make it look like nothing happened.

It may have something to do with my age and the old saying that women don't hit their "prime" until their 30s.....(which I don't really actually believe to be Bible truth), it may be my BC because it's known to mess you up a bit.

I don't dislike sex. I don't NOT want to do it. I just don't feel like it sometimes.

I don't want to generalize and say that men are 24/7 horny pigs, but it seems like several are.

It has to be a maturity thing as well. Because it's like you just kicked them in the nuts if you DARE turn them down. I'm sure to a male it's an ego blow of the same magnitude as calling a woman fat, but seriously....it's not personal. I don't dislike you and I don't find you unattractive. I just don't want to right now.

But that means we "NEVER" have sex. Oh gosh, it sounds like a little kid. "You NEVER buy me anything Mommy!" when they don't get their way. Or "Ohh, that's right, Sunday is Don't Touch Me day!"

It's like, geez. You whine because you only get it once or twice a week, ohh, the horror. The horror. You went how many years a virgin and now if you don't have it, do you think it'll fall off or something?

Having mostly guy friends....I've heard this crap from them before, too. They've sided with boyfriends of mine because apparently, you should be having sex all the damn time if you're a couple, because "you don't want to be like those old married people that only do it once a week!" or other various stupid reasons.

Sorry, just had to vent. I know I'm not a guy and don't know what it's like to be one, but sometimes their behavior makes me upset. NOTE that I did say SOME guys' attitudes, not all of them, k?

[bara]

My two cents.

Sex if awesome. However some guys seem to be of the opinion that you are not a man if you dont get it all the time. I think its a social acceptance thing. Like guys are studs if they have a lot of sex and girls are sluts. And once a week would be a good thing I think. Hell, I know of some couples that are just happy to get the kids out of the house for a few hours a month.

[Nyoibo]

From a guys perspective, society has this whole idea that unless you're getting laid all the time, you're not a man. Also, sex is pleasurable, people tend to want to do pleasurable things frequently, if the woman doesn't want to have sex she must not enjoy it and if she's not enjoying it then it must be the mans fault... what? only women are allowed to be illogical?

[Jaden]

DISCLAIMER: This is an attempted explanation, not a justification. Please don't think I'm saying that this means you should have to have sex whenever your boyfriend wants to if you're not in the mood. I'm simply trying to provide a bit of perspective.

DOUBLE DISCLAIMER: This post will contain some somewhat squicky details about me. You have been warned.

I'm a young man, with a healthy libido. I don't know exactly how high my libido ranks in relation to other men, but I'd say probably a bit higher than average, though admittedly I don't know this for a fact, I'm just going by what I know of other men.

When I started taking anti-depressants a couple months ago, they started off with some side effects. One of these side effects was anorgasmia. In case you don't know what that means, it's the inability to orgasm. One of the other possible side effects was decreased libido. I didn't have that one. The anorgasmia side effect lasted four nights and three days.

I'm a fairly mellow guy in most circumstances. When I had this side effect, I was just totally on edge all the time. I thought I was going to die. I wanted to chew through a table. I had to basically isolate myself from everybody for a few days in order to keep from ripping their heads off if they were male or drooling over them like a starving man over a piece of meat if they were female. I wanted to hump everything. The stereotype that men only think about sex 24/7 isn't generally true, but it was for me for those few days. I couldn't stop thinking about sex at all ever, and I kept repeating in my head over and over "I'm going to die. That's just all there is to it. My testicles are going to explode, and I'm going to die."

And, I mean, it's not like I had any temptation around me. I was single. Even going a day or two without being able to achieve orgasm without even having somebody I was attracted to anywhere near me just about drove me crazy.

I admit, thinking about it now and reading the way I describe it, it's kind of funny in retrospect, but at the time, I wasn't laughing. And I'm not normally like that at all. Healthy libido, yes, but ask any girl I ever dated - I am a total gentleman, I would never even think of doing anything she wasn't comfortable with, and I won't even have sex with a girl unless I've built a strong relationship with her already, even if she wants to earlier than that...so, I'd be considered a prude by a lot of both men and women. But if you want to know how to turn a soft-spoken, respectful man into a voracious sex fiend, well, now you know how.

I'm not a woman, obviously, so I don't know how true this is for you as it is for men. But for men, I feel like it isn't so much that we think about sex 24/7 - we don't - it's just that when we start thinking about sex for absolutely any reason, we can't stop until, err, the problem has been solved. And until then, it's just pure torture. And, I mean, when I'm in a relationship with a girl, and we've progressed to the point where we're sleeping together, I don't want to masturbate, because seriously, it just doesn't match the real experience at all, either physically or emotionally.

So, is it mature? No. Is it rational? Nah. Does it excuse the pig-like behavior of some men, or the attitude that being denied sex is like having your favorite toy taken away? Not at all. It's just the way our sex drive - or at least, MY sex drive - works.

But again, this was merely to provide context and perspective, not justification. Whining like a little baby certainly isn't the way to solve it, and if you're not in the mood, you're not in the mood, and that's that. It is a blow to the ego, like you said, but the reaction is more about unfulfilled sexual desire than that, I think.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts on the matter from personal experience. I could be wrong, but I figured I'd try to be helpful.

[blas87]

There's no problem at all with that explanation, Jaden. That makes a lot of sense, actually.

I remember once telling my last boyfriend that growing up was learning how to control your urges when it's inappropriate, or to just get over it.

It shouldn't be treated like a favorite toy or something they should be entitled to because they are a guy in a relationship (or fwb or whatever they have going on).

I guess I don't know many girls with that problem...I have an acquaintance or two that really sleep around, but I think it's more about the hunt for them or just knowing they are desired, moreso than it is about having sex period.

[Greenday]

To bring some science into the conversation, a fair amount of it has to do with testosterone. Testosterone has been linked towards sex drive. The more testosterone you have, the higher a sex drive you have. Taking this into account, it'd make sense that men think about and want sex a lot more.

Hell, I'd have sex just about every day if I could. Do I get upset if I don't get it when I'm with someone I could do it with? Maybe slightly but I'm not going to throw a hissy fit over it and let it ruin us hanging out. Why? Because that's the mature thing to do.

[Bloodsoul]

At this point in my life I'd be happy just having someone to snuggle up with.

[telecom_goddess]

At this point I would be happy to get it once a year. Once a week...HAH! I can't even remember the last time I had sex to be honest.

[Gravekeeper]

Just to throw a monkey wrench into the alarming stereotype being established here: I'm male and my view on it is pretty much like blas. *I* have classically been the one in every relationship I've been in, being badgered for sex and when I don't feel like, I don't feel like it and thats that. My dick is incapable of asserting control over my brain, contrary to popular belief, and nothing you can attempt do to me to encourage me will make it override my rational thought process.

I don't think about sex all the time and if something makes me think about it, it'll go away momentarily when I think about something else. There's no uncontrollable werewolf urge that howls in the back of my head until its satiated. Nor was there even when I was a teenager. Sure you think about sex a lot as a teenager, but I would never let any sort of urge or impulse override rational thought nor did I do anything to seek out girls that would satiate said urges.

Hell, I was guilt tripped into losing my virginity at 16 and regretted it immediately.

[Jaden]

Just to throw a monkey wrench into the alarming stereotype being established here:

I don't really see how any "alarming" stereotype was being established. I described how I am and Greenday described how he is. Do the two of us constitute a majority? Probably not, but based on the attitude of other guys I know, and conversations I've had with them, I'd say they're wired fairly similarly to me in that way.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you, but I don't like the implication that there's something wrong with me, either =/

[Gravekeeper]

I don't really see how any "alarming" stereotype was being established. I described how I am and Greenday described how he is. Do the two of us constitute a majority? Probably not, but based on the attitude of other guys I know, and conversations I've had with them, I'd say they're wired fairly similarly to me in that way.

I wanted to derail the train before it headed right into the stereotype that exists of guys and sex. Plus on one hand you're saying you two aren't the majority, then in the same breath, saying all the guys you know are similar. ;p

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you, but I don't like the implication that there's something wrong with me, either =/

No offence, but your description *did* sound a tad unusual if not a little alarming. I've certainly never heard it described as such before. Even by friends I would gladly classify as manwhores. -.-

[Jaden]

I wanted to derail the train before it headed right into the stereotype that exists of guys and sex. Plus on one hand you're saying you two aren't the majority, then in the same breath, saying all the guys you know are similar. ;p

Fair enough :P I didn't even notice I did that.

No offence, but your description *did* sound a tad unusual if not a little alarming. I've certainly never heard it described as such before. Even by friends I would gladly classify as manwhores. -.-

Ok, I'm not going to deny that I have a somewhat higher libido than most guys. But I know guys who go through similar things after just a bit more time than I did if they're not getting laid and aren't or can't masturbate for whatever reason. Maybe after a couple of weeks or so, as opposed to a few days, but still.

And as I said, I am totally not a manwhore. I don't practice casual sex of any variety at all, and I think it's a bad idea. But I know I'm not so unique in the way my sex drive works.

Anyways, no hard feelings, I'm just rather insecure and I didn't really like feeling that I was being told that I have some problem. I do have plenty of problems, but I don't think that's one of them - at least, not one unique to me, as I think a lot of people are like that even if they don't admit it.

[Nyoibo]

I have a fairly high sex drive, I'd happily have sex several times a day, but a lot of that comes from the fact that I am just that attracted to my partner, I'm not interested in sex with other women, only her (ok, an exception may be made from Summer Glau, however I think my gf would probably join me. )

[guywithashovel]

I must have a low sex drive, because I usually feel in my perpetual dry spell.

And that's probably better for me, anyway, seeing as how I have all the sex appeal of a throw pillow.

[Andara Bledin]

An interesting note on sex and sex drive: the more you have sex, the higher your relative sex drive will be as compared to when you don't have sex at all. The more you get off, the more you want to get off.

^-.-^