Some Guys' Attitudes About Sex

[Jaden]

Jerking off to porn doesn't count as cheating; there isn't someone else in the mix. I don't know any women or have ever known any who'd count that as cheating.

For the record, I have known some women who would count that as cheating. I think that's stupid, especially if she's denying him sex, but they do exist. It still doesn't justify actual cheating, though.

[Lace Neil Singer]

There are also guys who'd spontaniously combust if their girlf was talking to other men; to me, that isn't cheating either. And doesn't justify actual cheating either.

[Gravekeeper]

it's been made to seem like everyone who cheats must have never tried talking to their partner about their problems first. usually cheating is the last resort after many many attempts at resolving the relationship issues.

I'm not sure what part of "If the relationship isn't working, end it before you fuck other people" you can't seem to grasp. If you aren't getting what you want out of a relationship, you *end* that relationship first. There is no justifable reason for you to cheat and thus cause emotional damage to your partner. When you could just as easily end the relationship first.

If you seriously can't keep your pants on long enough to tell someone "Sorry, this isn't working", then me thinks you yourself have some issues.

[telecom_goddess]

IT's not a simple matter of "just live without sex" or "just leave your partner". In my situation I've tried talking to him. He refuses to discuss it ever. In fact will go to the effort of actually heaving his ass off the couch to leave the house to avoid discussing it. I also can't leave or have him leave because then I can't afford to live on my own. While he doesn't contribute a whole hell of a lot it's enough that I can't get by without it.

So why should I be forced to be unhappy and unfulfilled? It's not a case of fucking everything that moves either. As a matter of fact I'm very picky. I've wandered ONCE in spite of years of no intimacy. And have no immediate plans to do it in the future. I'm just saying that if the right person came along and the opportunity presented itself I'm not going to stop it.

[Gravekeeper]

I'm just saying that if the right person came along and the opportunity presented itself I'm not going to stop it.

and is he aware of this?

[Mytical]

Well, not sure if it is medical..or because I've been (and still am) a virgin for 38 years*..but I don't have much of a sex drive. However, I also am not a jealous person. I KNOW my drive would be much too low for most people, so if they wanted/needed an open relationship..I'd be fine with it. Though I myself would never cheat (low drive and all), it wouldn't bother me. Only being lied to would bother me. (Ie not telling me who they are with, etc).

* ok I've had foreplay, but never intercourse. If that means I am no longer a virgin or not I have no clue.

[Gravekeeper]

I KNOW my drive would be much too low for most people, so if they wanted/needed an open relationship..I'd be fine with it. Though I myself would never cheat (low drive and all), it wouldn't bother me. Only being lied to would bother me. (Ie not telling me who they are with, etc).

Precisely the point I was going for. Its not about the sex, its about the honesty. If you're in an open relationship, great. But if you're hiding your side sampling from your partner, then you're doing something wrong.

[fireheart17]

* ok I've had foreplay, but never intercourse. If that means I am no longer a virgin or not I have no clue.

It's entirely up to YOU whether you view it as such.

For a woman, the old standby of "her hymen's intact" no longer applies these days since the hymen can be broken in various ways.

In my case, I'd gotten to third base constantly with guys, but wasn't comfortable going for the home run (or I'd break up with him before we got that far). Then I went and wound up getting a home run with my current boyfriend after about a month. (I told him out and out on our first face-to-face date what had happened in the past and he accepted it, promising to be gentle.) He was incredibly gentle.

And we're still together.

So for me, losing my "virginity" was vaginal intercourse.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Precisely the point I was going for. Its not about the sex, its about the honesty. If you're in an open relationship, great. But if you're hiding your side sampling from your partner, then you're doing something wrong.

Exactly what I was saying. If you have an open relationship and your other half knows and is fine with it, then it's not cheating. However, going off and sleeping with someone else behind their back IS, no matter how much you dress it up.

[telecom_goddess]

and is he aware of this?

If I tried to bring it up he would just leave and there would be no discussion just a fight. I don't have the energy for that anymore.

[Gravekeeper]

If I tried to bring it up he would just leave and there would be no discussion just a fight. I don't have the energy for that anymore.

Frankly it sounds like you're more miserable with him than you would be without him.

[SkullKing]

Frankly it sounds like you're more miserable with him than you would be without him.

Yeah, but she also said that she cannot leave him due to their financial situation.

[Gravekeeper]

Yeah, but she also said that she cannot leave him due to their financial situation.

Which is what I'm referring too. I've been in a similar situation when I was young and stupid. The emotional toxicity of it was worse than not being able to afford rent, frankly.

[telecom_goddess]

Which is what I'm referring too. I've been in a similar situation when I was young and stupid. The emotional toxicity of it was worse than not being able to afford rent, frankly.

I think one of these days it will sort itself out. If the one child in the house that's left moves out and I can get a roommate that would help tremendously. I'm just biding my time for the moment.

[Silverharp]

I think one of these days it will sort itself out. If the one child in the house that's left moves out and I can get a roommate that would help tremendously. I'm just biding my time for the moment.

I hear acid pits and chainsaws help things along nicely.
Just sayin...