Wrong to Hate Someone?

[SkullKing]

It's true; nursing a grudge and feeling hatred towards someone hurts only you, not them.

You are assuming the one who hates does not act on that hate.

Not normally the case with me.

[Lace Neil Singer]

If you act on your hate by say, beating them up, that will hurt you when the police arrive at your house to arrest you for assault.

[SkullKing]

You are being simplistic.

There are lots of way to deal with anger besides

a)Hoard and do nothing.

b) Snap and beat people up.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Like?

And you're being obtuse for no reason, it seems.

[SkullKing]

And you're being obtuse for no reason, it seems.

Sorry, I thought the same about you with the "beat them up" commentary. Seems it was just miscommunication.

It varies from just providing enough motivation to do your own thing better.

To give you motivation to do better in a competitive setting.

To stand up to someone. (e.g.: a bully).

To protest against them in a politic setting.

You can report them to the relevant authorities.

To less "construtive" but still legal things like letting their wife know they are cheating.

I did not elaborate because truly there is lot of ways to deal with your anger, depending on the situation.

Some of my proudest moments came from hating,.

Righteous anger can be a very powerful motivator.

I understand that hating is a strong emotion and can be very draining on someone.

that being said I understand that this is not for everyone. And I honestly do not think that many of very important revolutions in the history of humanity would never gone as far without some hate.

for example, I can not see the french revolution happening without hate.

[SkullKing]

And also, even in your example, the person did not "just hurt themselves" since they hurt the object of their hate too.

[Lace Neil Singer]

A jail sentence hurts a hell of a lot more than a few bruises.

[HYHYBT]

Skullking: since none of the items on your list require hatred, what good does it do to continue hating?

[SkullKing]

It is something deeply personal that varies from person to person.

None of those things need hatred, but they might not happen without it. Or be more effective with the presence of hatred as a motivator.

But to many people it will just make their lives worse, maybe even with health problems.

All I said was that you can indeed hurt others besides yourself with hatred. even if you do get some backlash from it.

And you might even only hurt someone else. (As was the case in my "standing up to a bully" personal example.)

I never denied that you can end-up worse than before, or even hurt just yourself if you do nothing about your negative emotions and just hoard them.

[HYHYBT]

Sorry, I'd misunderstood.

[Seshat]

It varies from just providing enough motivation to do your own thing better.

To give you motivation to do better in a competitive setting.

To stand up to someone. (e.g.: a bully).

To protest against them in a politic setting.

You can report them to the relevant authorities.

Hate and anger are powerful emotions; however I consider them emotions, not actions.

Of themselves, hate and anger cannot hurt the other person. They can provide the impetus for actions which do. However, uncontrolled hate, anger, etc can inspire rash and unwise actions; which is why my usual recommendation is what I said earlier.

To use the hate, anger, or whatever to identify the injustice or other wrongness which has triggered the emotion. Then to do something harmless which burns off the excess hate, anger etc - beat up on a punching bag, write a vicious letter which never gets sent, knead bread dough...

Then you can look at the injustice with a clearer mind, and come up with several potential courses of action. Study the pros and cons of each, and perform your chosen course of action.


BUT: it's the ACTION which harms the other person, not the emotion.

And once you've acted on the injustice/whatever, let go of the emotion. Let it pass. Oh, monitor the results of your action, sure! And if things don't get corrected, by all means continue acting, or reassess, or whatever.

But don't nurse the hate, don't keep the emotion going artificially. It IS a poison - you develop habits of thought, and habits of emotion, which can be hard to break later on.

[Lace Neil Singer]

^ This. I nursed my hatred towards the girls who'd bullied me in school for ages after. It most certainly did hurt me; I was finding it difficult to move on and get on with life, and also to break out of the various coping mechanisms I'd developed to deal with the bullying. In a way, it was as tho it was still happening cuz I was still stuck in that rut.

Then one day, I let go of my hatred. I moved on, and got on with life. As I said earlier, I don't forgive them for what they did, but I don't have to hate them any more. It's them who have to live with the guilt of what they did, not me who has to nurse the grudge.

[SkullKing]

BUT: it's the ACTION which harms the other person, not the emotion.

So according to this tought, in itself no emotion does anything to the outside.

So no emotion does either harm or good?

and the punching bag, and bread dough are very good examples of constructive ways to deal with your anger, the letter seems to me more ineffectual then constructive, you don´t really accomplish much, but it does have the benefit of you not doing anything you regret and that is certainly a good thing.

But don't nurse the hate, don't keep the emotion going artificially. It IS a poison - you develop habits of thought, and habits of emotion, which can be hard to break later on.

while I agree that you should not keep any emotion going artificially, else it becomes poison, I do not think that you should necessarily resist is when it comes naturally. Sometimes the habits your hate gives you, are good for you, and should not be broken. Even after you have let go of the emotion because it's time has passed, sometimes the habits you develop are valuable lessons.

[SkullKing]

Then one day, I let go of my hatred. I moved on, and got on with life. As I said earlier, I don't forgive them for what they did, but I don't have to hate them any more. It's them who have to live with the guilt of what they did, not me who has to nurse the grudge.

I had a hatred of an abusive teacher. It eventually helped me to change schools, which was very good for me. After a while I let go of the hatred that wasn´t helping me in any way, anymore, and that was good to me.

If you can not deal with your anger in a good way, than, yes you should let it go.