I really just don't even know how to deal with some people

[Jaden]

Ugh. I thought about putting this in "Things I Hate" or Politics or Religion, but I decided to put it here for one sole reason: I don't really want this to be a discussion about partisan politics or the merits and downfalls about a particular religion or what have you. I just want to talk about a particular group of people and a certain attitude which seriously bother me.

I think it's safe to say that I live in a different environment than most of you. Many of you have probably grown up in environments like this, but I'm just guessing most of you were much smarter/more financially stable than me and got away from it when it got to you too much. Basically, I'm pretty much surrounded by hardcore religious types. My friends are often quite conservative, and more importantly, their parents are often even moreso. I'm somewhere in the middle to be honest, and hey, I'm a registered Republican myself. Your average conservatism doesn't bother me, just when taken to its extreme, which is what I'm about to relate.

So, my parents are out of town for Easter, so I was graciously invited by some old friends, who I've known for about 15 years, and their family out to dinner. So we went out to eat, and, as I feared, politics eventually came up. I pretty much never talk about politics with these particular people because I basically always end up infuriated, and this was no exception.

The basic rundown is this - the parents of my friends still think that Obama is a Muslim for some God-forsaken reason, they think that Obama used to literally attend flag burnings on a regular basis, they think that Obama is catering to the Middle Eastern countries and is trying to pass Sharia Law. They also think that Islam is the Antichrist. I don't mean that as a turn of phrase - they tried to get me to read a book that was all about how Islam is literally the Antichrist as foreseen by the Bible

So, getting into that was pretty infuriating, but I wasn't going to start arguing with them. I just didn't say anything. They wouldn't listen to me anyways, so convinced they were of their rightness, and anyway they were generous enough to invite me to dinner. Then eventually they started talking about the UN (which is, naturally, run by MUSLIMS!!!! *DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUN!* ) and how they're trying to take over the world, etc., etc. general conspiracy theory bullshit stuff. I was pretty much used to it from them by this point, so I just tuned it out. What really threw me off guard was when one of my friends, their son, who had mostly been silent for this whole conversation, decided to start launching into a diatribe about how the UN is against Israel, and how they shouldn't have shamed the US for not arresting "the guy who shot that black kid down in Florida", obviously referring to the Trayvon Martin case.

At that point, I lost it. I don't know if it was because it was my friend talking as opposed to his parents or if it's because the Trayvon Martin case really strikes a nerve with me, but I just about ripped his head off for referring to the Trayvon Martin case in such a throwaway manner.

I'm just really frustrated at this moment, because I know I didn't get through to him due to how ludicrously stubborn he is. I know this is just the way the world is, and that there are just people like that out there, and we have to deal with them. I just don't know how. I feel like a tool when I start calling them out for their horseshit, and I feel like a hypocrite when I don't. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't feel surrounded by these types of people all the time, but, well, I am. I pretty much only find solace in a few more sensible people I know, and that my parents aren't like that despite their similar associations. But I don't know how much longer I can deal with such similar things before my head just explodes.

How do you guys deal with these types of people when you run into them? What do you do, both in the moment and afterwards, when you're thinking about it? How do you deal with the bigotry and willful ignorance? I'm pretty much used to just shutting myself off when I get this frustrated with the outside world. It's just fucking crazy to me. But I know that isn't the healthy way to deal with this kind of thing. Any advice?

[Seshat]

Firstly, you do have to accept somehow that they exist, and forgive them their stupidity and willful ignorance.

You can very slowly change their behaviour, at least around you. They're like this partly because everyone they know is like this, or accepts the behaviour. They also ignore anyone who isn't mostly-like-them, because hey, those other people are <insert dismissive descriptor here> and 'too stupid to see what's going on'.

Because they perceive you as an 'Us', you are in a position to introduce a touch of uncertainty.

Don't outright challenge them. Instead, think of cases - like Trayvon Martin - which particularly matter to you. Then think of one or two questions you might ask, or statements you might make, which just might cause some of them to see a shade of grey in their black-and-white world.

It's never going to be more than gradual, and you may never see more than the faintest hints of questioning in their lives.

But feel proud for every time they pause to think.

[Andara Bledin]

What Seshat said.

Challenge their assumptions; make them have to think about why they think the way they do.

I do that a lot with people who engage in ritualistic behaviors. I ask them why they do what they do. Usually, this ends up being about religious observances, and I very rarely actually run into a person who actually knows why it is that they do what they do when they do, which is rather sad, really.

^-.-^

[siead_lietrathua]

How do you guys deal with these types of people when you run into them? What do you do, both in the moment and afterwards, when you're thinking about it?

typically i deal with them with the axe, but sometimes you jsut gotta use what's at hand. afterwards it's just a lot of scrubbing....

okok. in seriousness, i've taken a great tactic to those people. i jsut stop hanging with them. sure they may grump and ask why, but i just tell them i am tired of hanging with a bigot and walk off. *shrug*. the world is full of people to be friends with. why waste the energy on a bad one.
plus, it seems that if people get kicked to the curb enough times for being an ass, and get told that it's because they are an ass, they might eventually learn to stop being, well, an ass.

[Jaden]

I can't really just cut them out of my life, I'm too nice and polite for that. And I've known them for forever, they're old family friends. Also, well, "love your neighbor as yourself", regardless of the fact that they are bigoted and willfully ignorant, so I'm going to be as diplomatic as possible. Furthermore, the last thing I need to do in my life is isolate myself more.

[Silverharp]

The problem when dealing with fanatics and conspiracy theorists is that they have hard wired themselves into believing with all of their hearts and souls that THIS is the way the earth is, weather it be that all of those pagan religions stole from Christianity, the earth is flat, there's no climate change, Pres. Obama is a Muslim antichrist Hitler Socialist Nazi, the moon landing was actually a giant movie set in Siberia....the list goes on and on, and the only thing you can do is make your arguments and be prepared for rational evidence to be ignored in favor of whatever supports their latest theory