I Don't Approve!

[woodensunshine]

At the tender age of way too young to feel this grown up, I lucked my way into a fabulous professional job. I have a decent salary, but it’s still not enough in the wonderful state of CT to live alone.

Now, a little bit of obscure background information. I’ve been dating Mr. Wooden for awhile. I’ve also been living with him and his parents/siblings for over half a year now (No other living options due to some unfortunate decisions that were made). We’ve made the decision that moving out is optimal, because, as his mother says, “How long can a person live in someone’s living room.” (They’ve been fabulous to me in my time of need. Gave me my own room aka the living room and Mr. Wooden has a room he shares with his younger brother).

Now, I wasn’t too happy having to move in with him, because I do support the living separately until marriage crowd. Then again, after moving in with Mr. W, I can understand why it can be better to live with your SO before…anyways…

His grandmother found out we were looking for an apartment together and her reaction to her daughter (my boyfriend’s mom) was “Well, I don’t approve.”

I give boyfriend’s mom a lot of credit for this because she basically told her mother that it’s not up to her to approve and many of her own children (boyfriend’s aunts and uncles) lived with their SO before marriage as well.

The reason I’m posting this is because I’m a little upset. I don’t have much family of my own left and I don’t want to lose boyfriend’s grandmother over something so trivial. I feel bad enough as is, because I’m going against what I taught, but I need a roommate and it’s better to go with someone I trust than some stranger. And, what if she shuns us or something silly like that?

Ugh, I’m sorry for the rant, but I can’t really discuss this with boyfriend right now. I just feel like a brazen hussy because I chose cohabitation.

Thoughts?

[Nekojin]

If the worst she says is that she doesn't approve, it's the sort of disapproval that will wash away once you're married (assuming you get married), and by the time you have a great-grandson for her, it will be long forgotten.

Let it go, and don't let it ruin your mood.

[woodensunshine]

Thank you! I have a feeling I'm just overthinking things. I've never lived on my own before and neither has he, so we're both running on really high stress right now.

She is a really wonderful woman and has been a big help since I was folded into the family and maybe that's why I'm like

[Rapscallion]

Cultural evolution. People are more able to avoid staying with their parents until marriage and can try the goods before they commit.

Their problem that they can't adapt to reality.

Rapscallion

[Nekojin]

Thank you! I have a feeling I'm just overthinking things. I've never lived on my own before and neither has he, so we're both running on really high stress right now.

Moving - just normal moving from one home to another - is one of the most stressful things that people do in life, ranking not far behind things like childbirth. Moving away from your parents (which, I gather, you've already done) is somewhat of a multiplier, making it that much more stressful.

Keep an eye out for short fuses (his and yours) and flaring tempers, and do what you can to lighten the mood. If you're getting too stressed, take a break. Go out to have a sit-down dinner, talk a bit, and then get back to it. Once you're done, relish in the satisfaction of having a place that is entirely your own.

[BlaqueKatt]

Ugh, I’m sorry for the rant, but I can’t really discuss this with boyfriend right now. I just feel like a brazen hussy because I chose cohabitation.

Thoughts?

can the two of you afford a two bedroom? I ask because that way, if you feel weird, you each have your own space, which can be helpful at times.

[bex1218]

Probably just overreacting. Some people just can't give up those values.

[draco664]

His grandmother found out we were looking for an apartment together and her reaction to her daughter (my boyfriend’s mom) was “Well, I don’t approve.”

So?

The reason I’m posting this is because I’m a little upset.

Why?

When it comes to your happiness, the people who mind don't matter, and the people who matter don't mind.

Ugh, I’m sorry for the rant, but I can’t really discuss this with boyfriend right now. I just feel like a brazen hussy because I chose cohabitation.

Thoughts?

I think you are doing a good job of feeling guilty for something you have no need to.

[woodensunshine]

Alright, a day later and things look a little brighter (which is rather difficult to believe with the weather we've been getting!). I did talk with boyfriend about it and he confirmed that I was being silly. I've been so stressed about the moving thing that I've been picking up little details and just having a fit about it.

She can go ahead and just not approve all she wants. We're making this choice on our own and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

And yes, it's two bedroom. We got really lucky. Up here in Nutmeg land, rent is ridiculous. I guess it really does pay to know someone...

[aurelemsrealm]

Now, I wasn’t too happy having to move in with him, because I do support the living separately until marriage crowd. Then again, after moving in with Mr. W, I can understand why it can be better to live with your SO before…anyways…

This gave me the impression you might have also felt some shame regarding your decision because it conflicts with your values. A lot of us tend to overthink ourselves to the point of stress.

The main thing is that you and your boyfriend learn how compatible you are. It's never easy living with others, and being in a relationship only complicates the issue. It just takes time, patience, and effort to make all the pieces fit together.

Like the others have said, moving is a very stressful change in life. My wife and I just recently finished moving into a new house. It's been a couple of weeks, and we're still trying to get settled. At least we now live in a better house in a better neighborhood.

[woodensunshine]

So, I have officially lost my mind. I did the exact opposite of what Nekojin suggested. I totally flipped about something stupid.

I wanted Vietnamese yesterday and Mr. Wooden was not in the least bit interested in yummy Pho. So...I cried. I actually cried over Vietnamese food.

Good news is that I took a nap (really!) and we decided on Indian. I try to avoid swearing, but it would help if I could find a damned stove and bed and...ugh.

[Andara Bledin]

I don't even cook, really, and the lack of stove at the house we bought was an issue. A toaster oven, microwave, and rice steamer do not make up for the lack of a proper range top.

We haven't had a proper bed for five years. >_> We plan to remedy that once our finances recover from the disaster known as my brother.

^-.-^

[woodensunshine]

If it weren't for people at work and boyfriend's parents, I would NO clue what I'm looking for. Now, I know the features that I want, it's just figuring out which brand do I want and do I want to spend just a wee bit more for certain items. I'm leaning towards Lowe's right now, because despite the fabulous -snerk- customer service at the other retail outlet I went to, Lowe's has the prices that I like and free shipping/installation.

I would go nuts without a stove. I can make pasta in the microwave, but that's about it

[woodensunshine]

We've had the good fortune of living with his parents rent free, so it's allowed us a little freedom and a lot of time to save up our finances.

[Andara Bledin]

My range was an online order type deal. The shipper wouldn't even roll it into the house.

It's not a great range, but it's small enough to be perfect for the space in our kitchen. Be sure to check out lots of reviews for the choices you have. You can troll the negative ones to find out what problems each one might have and whether you can put up with them or not. As an example, ours has lousy insulation, so it heats up the entire house when the oven or broiler is in use. This is a bonus in winter, but annoying in the summer and a problem due to stupid things the previous owner did to the kitchen (another thing we will be remedying).

^-.-^