A Couple Questions for Parents About Kids' Relationships

[guywithashovel]

First question: Let's say your teenaged daughter or son has just gotten a new love interest. Would you implement any specific rules about dating and the relationship in general? What would they be?

Also, people sometimes joke about making it a point to have a firearm out in clear view when their daughter's suitor comes over for the first time, like the father who makes it a point to be casually cleaning his shotgun when the boy comes over to pick the daughter up. Would any of you actually do that?

Second question: Suppose your son or daughter (teens) came to you and said that he or she plans to start having sex with his or her partner. They are telling you because they want to be open and honest with you about it? Would you be supportive? Would you help them obtain contraception? Or would you flip out?

[anakhouri]

My son is still young but my husband and I have discussed this already. When/if he tells us he plans to start having sex, we will sit him down and tell him frankly what issues he might be facing emotionally and that he seriously needs to give it a LOT of thought. Then we will ask if his partner is on b/c, and whether the answer is yes or no will drum into him to use condoms, and then hand him some. It will embarrass the hell out of him obviously, but it's better than the alternatives (STDs, pregnancy etc).

Since I have a son, I have no advice on the shotgun thing.

I think dating rules really depend on the age and character of the kids involved. If they're 13 or 14, I would encourage them to go out with a group. 15-16, one-on-one dates are OK by me, with a designated time to be home. It also depends on how mature the kids involved are and how likely they are to tell you one thing and do another. All that depends.

[Rapscallion]

Since I have a son, I have no advice on the shotgun thing.

Oh, there's advice to give.

"Find cover."

Rapscallion

[Duelist925]

My dad, instead of a shotgun, had his broadsword out, sharpening it, when my sister started dating and went to a school dance. Was quite amusing.

[daleduke17]

My dad told me a story from when he was growing up about my aunt (his sister). She was upstairs getting ready for her date when the young man came to the door. Normally, my grandmother would answer the door, but was busy... so grandpa answered the door fresh from cleaning one of his guns, with the gun still in his hand. Since it was a rural community, there probably wasn't much of a fright... the date was probably carrying in his vehicle as well.

[siead_lietrathua]

my bro is so gonna be a shotgun dad. he's hilariously overprotective (she's only one)

glad i get to skip this conversation, since i'm not planning on having kids, but i definatly belive hammering the importance of condoms, NO MATTER WHAT other kind of birth control is also involved is very important. condoms fail, b/c pills fail, diaphrams fail, etc. better to stack your odds in your favor by using multiple types of birth control.

[Andara Bledin]

Were I to have a child (which I'm not), education and information would rule the day.

The more informed a person is, the more likely they will be to make the most appropriate decisions.

As for the whole "show off the gun" thing, I've never thought it was funny or amusing in any way. I mean, really, what the hell would a dad do to a kid who really wanted to harm his daughter? I'd rather arm the girl (self-defense training for all kids and teens, as far as I'm concerned - and adults, too, for that matter) so that she can protect herself from being harmed as opposed to threatening retribution after the fact.

^-.-^

[siead_lietrathua]

As for the whole "show off the gun" thing, I've never thought it was funny or amusing in any way. I mean, really, what the hell would a dad do to a kid who really wanted to harm his daughter? I'd rather arm the girl (self-defense training for all kids and teens, as far as I'm concerned - and adults, too, for that matter) so that she can protect herself from being harmed as opposed to threatening retribution after the fact.

^-.-^

the dad with a shotgun thing is not about a worry over an abusive boyfriend, but more of a more abstract thought about not breaking the daughter's heart or taking advantage of her.
the whole "you break her heart i'll break your neck" thing.

[HYHYBT]

condoms fail, b/c pills fail, diaphrams fail, etc. better to stack your odds in your favor by using multiple types of birth control.

Besides which, while all of those reduce the chance of pregnancy, only the condoms help prevent diseases.

the dad with a shotgun thing is not about a worry over an abusive boyfriend, but more of a more abstract thought about not breaking the daughter's heart or taking advantage of her.

And it's fair, because of course it only ever happens that boys only ever take advantage of girls and break their hearts, never the other way around...

[siead_lietrathua]

And it's fair, because of course it only ever happens that boys only ever take advantage of girls and break their hearts, never the other way around...

no, but that's the stereotype. the running gag. the joke that's been around since they first MADE shotguns.
plus, the shotgun over suitors thing started when women were also still considered property to be protected. sons had more freedom.

[crashhelmet]

I have a son. He's only 6 at the moment, so I have some time to prepare for this. I plan on going through the education and information path. The importance of condoms, as well as other forms of birth control.

I also have 3 God Daughters. The youngest just turned 17. In their cases, I've never had to threaten violence, per se. Their dad is crazy enough to put the fear into them. There was one boyfriend, however, that had certain recreational habits that neither her parents or myself approved of. I told him that if those habits ever caused her to see the inside of a jail cell, that he better pray that her dad finds him first.

[wolfie]

Also, people sometimes joke about making it a point to have a firearm out in clear view when their daughter's suitor comes over for the first time, like the father who makes it a point to be casually cleaning his shotgun when the boy comes over to pick the daughter up. Would any of you actually do that?

Second question: Suppose your son or daughter (teens) came to you and said that he or she plans to start having sex with his or her partner. They are telling you because they want to be open and honest with you about it? Would you be supportive? Would you help them obtain contraception? Or would you flip out?

On the gun issue, ever heard the song "cleaning this gun"?

Regarding the second question, I've heard a joke where a mother is concerned that her daughter needs to be prepared, and wants to have "the talk" with her about getting started on birth control. The punchline is the daughter's answer "Could we talk about this later? I don't want to be late for my date with Susan." Somehow I don't think a lack of birth control would be a problem.

[guywithashovel]

I was actually thinking of that song when I started this thread.

Thing is, I've heard of people joking about doing that, but I've never heard of anyone actually doing it. Seriously, I wonder if actually having a gun out and flashing it around like that could get you into legal trouble. Could that be considered a threat?

[Nekojin]

I was actually thinking of that song when I started this thread.

Thing is, I've heard of people joking about doing that, but I've never heard of anyone actually doing it. Seriously, I wonder if actually having a gun out and flashing it around like that could get you into legal trouble. Could that be considered a threat?

Brandishing is a crime in and of itself in most locales in the US. No need to try to wrap Assault charges around it.

[jedimaster91]

Cleaning's not brandishing, though.


I would encourage my (future) kids to wait until marriage. I'm old-fashioned that way. However, I would also teach them about contraception methods, and should they decide they are old enough and mature enough to enter adult relationships, then they are old enough and mature enough to deal with potential consequences. So if they get knocked up/knock someone else up, they get a job to support themselves and the child. They get a disease, they are responsible for setting up screening and treatment appointments. If they want the perks of being an adult, they also get the responsibilities of being an adult.