Losing a family pet

[chozoghost79]

Long story short it was my mom's cat that got hit by a car. My mom was devastated because the cat (named Penny) was pretty much her buddy; she was the one who found Penny. I didn't take it well myself either though. Now it's a lot of what-if's, predominately what if we never let her outside? Also my mom isn't sure she wants to get another cat. Understandably she doesn't want to go through that kind of grief again. I still wonder how it happened at all, when the street Penny was hit on is a 25 MPH speed limit and if she was just in the road people have plenty of time to stop.

[HYHYBT]

People speed; people don't pay enough attention; cats (or children, for that matter) run out from places they can't be seen too late... and, disgustingly, some people will deliberately hit a cat given the chance.

Don't blame yourself, even though I'm sure a couple of people here will trot out the claim that anybody who ever lets their cat outside for a moment is at best woefully negligent and doesn't really care about them at all. Don't believe it. If you want to keep the new cat (and definitely get one, preferably soon; it helps heal the hurt) inside, do, but blaming you (or your mom) for the cat's death is basically blaming the victim, like telling someone who's been raped if they hadn't wanted it then they wouldn't have walked home late at night, or gotten drunk, or worn revealing clothing, or whatever.

[chozoghost79]

My mom blames herself mostly for getting so attached to Penny. I honestly don't know how you wouldn't get attached to a pet. They all have their own personalities and quirks.

[lordlundar]

I can relate. My family's cat passed on in similar circumstances. Frankly, I don't know what I can say. The hurt will not go away and the only thing I can suggest is that the love she had for the cat she spreads to all the others she cares for.

[wolfie]

May the driver who left the scene after hitting Penny hit another Cat in the near future - preferably at high speed.

[HYHYBT]

My mom blames herself mostly for getting so attached to Penny. I honestly don't know how you wouldn't get attached to a pet. They all have their own personalities and quirks.

Does she do the same with people? Try never to get attached to anyone in case something happens to them?

[siead_lietrathua]

uhhh, hyhybt, guilt, pain, anger etc are all parts of the grief process. if someone just loses a loved one, pet or otherwise, they're allowed a little irrationality as they work through it.
alot of people blame themselves for the death of someone or something close if there was the most minute chance they could have prevented it. eventually they move past that step.

[chozoghost79]

siead_lietrathua that's exactly what it is. Another thing both my parents are afraid of is how the other cat Hacker would react to another kitten. He was very patient with Penny.

[HYHYBT]

uhhh, hyhybt, guilt, pain, anger etc are all parts of the grief process. if someone just loses a loved one, pet or otherwise, they're allowed a little irrationality as they work through it.
alot of people blame themselves for the death of someone or something close if there was the most minute chance they could have prevented it. eventually they move past that step.

Deciding not to get attached ever again is not on that list of normal grief steps. Nor did I even imply that I was assuming this was permanent.

[Dakhur]

Have to disagree with you there HYHYBT. When we lost the Red Devil after I fought Death tooth and claw for him for 10 days, the first thing I said to the PIC was that we weren't getting any more pets. That we'd keep the chickens going, but once the Little Princess died (something that happened less than 5 months later. It was a hell week), that was it. No more dogs, no cats, no pets.

Every time he brought up getting pups, I told him "I said we're not getting any more pets." and left the room. Refused to discuss it. My heart was broken, and it is far worse than loosing a Human (yes, I know others will argue).

It took me a long time to change my mind about it and we got the Demon Twins.

[Sleepwalker]

Keeping them inside _is_ safer, but, to paraphrase Carlin, every kitten is a tragedy. Unless you are very old/have a terminal illness, you are going to see the animal die, and the hurt will be there. If she does decide to get another cat, she should definitely keep in mind the possibility of an indoor only cat, but that's not going to stop the cat from passing one day, just (hopefully) delay it.

I hope she(and Hacker) begin to feel better soon.

/hugs her own fuzzbrains. ;(

[Andara Bledin]

It's never easy to lose a pet. I, too, find it more difficult to deal with than losing people; pets are more honest, more sincere in their affection.

[Rageaholic]

It's never easy to lose a pet. I, too, find it more difficult to deal with than losing people; pets are more honest, more sincere in their affection.

Agreed. In my eyes, pets are part of the family and losing them is like losing a part of your family. As much as he drives me nuts sometimes, I don't know what I would do if anything happened to my dog.

[bainsidhe]

May the driver who left the scene after hitting Penny hit another Cat in the near future - preferably at high speed.

To be fair, the driver may not have known they hit a cat. I "think" I've never hit a squirrel or other small animal, but I can't say it with absolute certainty. I know I've had a few close calls. The sweetest most darling cat we had growing up was killed by a car. My mom always took care of burying our pets when they died and while I didn't appreciate it at the time, it couldn't have been easy. She loved that cat to pieces.

And I understand about being irrational when grieving. I was working at a secondary job site when my mom passed away. Afterwards, I refused to return to that job site again. To me the site was jinxed.

[HYHYBT]

You'd know, unless you weren't paying attention at all or you were in no condition to be driving anyway. There's a bump.