Woman Complains about Sister's Polygamous Relationship

[catcul]

Slate's "Dear Prudence" received a letter from a woman who was disgusted that her sister was in a relationship with two men. They all live together. Her sister considers herself married to both men at the same time and wants to wants to have a baby with both of them. Obviously, her parents don't approve this situation, either.

Emily Yoffe basically told them that they should treat all three of them decently. Personally, if this situation works for sister and her two husbands, it's none of her family's business.

[Kheldarson]

Point of order: the sister is having a baby with the two men.

But Prudie's right, in any case.

[anakhouri]

I can understand it feeling weird, at least for a while (if a sibling of mine showed up with two SOs, I'd be a little confused about how to act at first too until I figured out what the relationship was like, and honestly I've never understood polyamory even though I don't have a problem with it). I might be a little concerned about possible legal and visitation issues if the relationship ever breaks up- after all, biologically only one of those men will be the father. But that;s just speculation. Maybe they'll all be together until they die.

But once it's clear how the sister wants them to be treated, I'd go with it. As long as everyone's an adult and happy, who cares?

[AccountingDrone]

I rarely discuss this for obvious reasons, but in addition to being married, I have had a long term relationship with a man we jokingly refer to as our Junior Husband, though it is informal and he does not live with us [he is a German national and lives in Germany] and we only manage to see him once or twice a year.

My response to the sister is to suck it up - it is not her living arrangement, all she has to do is be civil to her sister and her choice of relationships. We can't pick anybody except our own relationships and have to learn to deal with whomever our friends and relatives end up in relationships with.

[catcul]

One of the commentators said that (s)he would never miss any opportunity to berate the sister for her lifestyle any time (s)he gets. The problem with that attitude is that the next time you see the babies, they're graduating high school.

[AccountingDrone]

One of the commentators said that (s)he would never miss any opportunity to berate the sister for her lifestyle any time (s)he gets. The problem with that attitude is that the next time you see the babies, they're graduating high school.

If you see them at all. If the only thing I ever heard about why we don't go to see Uncle/Aunt Fred/erica is that they hate mommie Jean being with momma Anne and were mean and nasty to us when we went to visit, I would probably figure to myself 'asshole, I will NEVER go see that part of my family ever again" and lose out on possibly seeing members of that part of the family that aren't nasty bigots. Same principal as a nasty divorce when mommy tells the kids Daddy is a big poopyhead, and he is living with a trashy girl that is dirty - don't go over, you might get some nasty cootchie disease from the toilet seat for 10 years until they are into their teens and have been programmed to hate Daddy and refuse to ever see him.

[Ginger Tea]

until they are into their teens and have been programmed to hate Daddy and refuse to ever see him.

Although this isn't about absent fathers due to divorce etc I still feel compelled to say this.

By that time, should I have had children by now, doubt I ever will and I would be too old by the time they are an adult, I would be of the opinion that they are just some body else's child and why should I care, if I have been denied visitations etc and had them turned against me, well when you are 16 or when ever child maintenance in the UK ends I have no obligation to you.

Now if I have access and they see for themselves that daddy isn't as mummy said he was nor is miss bitch (or whatever the pet name for the new woman) and they get to make their own informed choice as to who to associate with I will be more inclined to keep them in my life after they reach 18, I wont even see my self as a grand father should I become one in the other scenario.

But in this and the other thread about cutting ties with family members, if time and distance were always there meaning one or the other had to make the effort or the only times they saw each other was at a family get together, then I would make it very clear to my parents why I was not going to be at thanksgiving (if American) or any other larger get together that they may also attend.

That way Mother/MiL can take it out on the one whos present.
"I don't get to see my grand children because of you, maybe next year you should not bother coming."

It's not foolproof and chances are you will be seen as the bad guy even if you see your Mother/Inlaws at any other time of the year, just not around people who quite frankly you would never piss on if they were on fire and only know them because they are 'fam ur lee'tm.
Your M/iL might be cool with the see me some other time arrangement, but Aunts and Uncles might not get such a favour handed to them and they themselves did nothing wrong and such gatherings are the only time they meet extended families, they might not know why you wont show up but wont hold it against sister/cousing/toxic family member, as they don't know or care about he whole deal.

But on the whole, I would rather toxic family member had nothing to do with my family and her having issues with me and some other guy raising one of our's child with our wife, well my child isn't going to miss her, s/he's not going to know her long enough if at all.

[KellyHabersham]

One of the commentators said that (s)he would never miss any opportunity to berate the sister for her lifestyle any time (s)he gets. The problem with that attitude is that the next time you see the babies, they're graduating high school.

Very true! I've got several first cousins whom I barely know because of that sort of thing......their family stopped getting together with ours when the kids were growing up, so now we only see them at "major" events like funerals or weddings.

[telecom_goddess]

I've made mention of my girlfriend before, but now I have two and am practicing the poly lifestyle. Thankfully my family has said nothing about it so far, but if they did they could go fuck off because I'll live the way I want and I won't tolerate criticism from people sticking their nose in.