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This isn't typical Fratching material, but I need a sounding board and it's possible my ex still follows my posts on CS, and right now I have to play this quietly.
So I've recently been made aware of information regarding my ex that could maybe affect the current ruling on the custody of our children. Possibly. As a refresher, my marriage ended when one of my kids was really pissed off at me and went to school and told a teacher that I had kicked him one morning before school. I wound up getting arrested, and my ex took that opportunity to ruin me and steal my children, and ran with it. It resulted in tons of needless courtroom drama and a bitter custody hearing where my ex accused me of a decade of physical and emotional abuse to her and our children (which occurred every single day, allegedly). Thankfully the judge wasn't a total idiot and didn't completely buy her "poor little victim" act, and I was able to retain my parental rights. However, my ex was granted sole residential custody. Oh, and a month before our divorce was finalized, my ex reunited with an old flame and they got pregnant and the next thing my kids know, some new parental figure is introduced into their lives (with a child from a previous marriage), and oh by the way, they were getting a new baby sibling.
A little over a week ago, my sister called me to let me know that my ex's husband had been arrested on a Battery charge. Try as I might, I couldn't find out any information aside from the arrest (it was in the local paper, and my ex moved back to where we used to live when we met, and my mother still lives there and saw it in the paper). But my fiancee saw that we might have an opportunity for me to get my kids back. If nothing else, for at least part of the year. Because if my ex was telling the truth 3 years ago, any reasonable person would think she'd be a bit more cautious in who she shares her life and the lives of our children with. Certainly not the kind of person who might wind up getting arrested for a physical attack on another person. It was a start, at least.
I kept trying to find out what I could, but my ex won't speak to anyone who speaks to me, for I am the unspeakably evil queen of all that is wrong in the universe. All I knew for certain was that none of my children were hurt, because my mother is a nurse and works at the hospital where they live, and knows all the doctors and nurses at the only clinic in town, which is also connected to the hospital. Beyond that, I knew nothing.
Tonight, my sister called my fiancee while I was at work. Turns out a cousin of my ex's husband works with my mother and they are friends and she told her everything (he's not well-liked by his own family). But, my sister was under strict orders from our mother to NOT tell me that information. I didn't ask my sister why that was demanded of her, but I will be calling my mother this weekend to have a little chat about priorities and information that pertains to my children.
My ex was the one who filed the Battery charge on her husband and had him arrested. But this time there was no one else to collaborate her claims, and he was released after 24 hours. Upon his release, he went back home. She let him come home. That is to say, a woman who was investigated by CPS and is still on their radar, allowed a man who she herself alleged charges of physical violence upon back into her home. The home where several children live. Even if the police didn't have anything that would stick, the people from CPS in my home state do NOT play around and will do their own investigation regardless of what the police and courts do. And it takes months. And she claimed this man caused physical harm to another person and then said, "Oh, well, that was yesterday. Come on home." Maybe it's just me, but that seems a little bit extremely fucking stupid. It also shows that my ex either has very poor judgment, or is a complete liar, which calls every statement she made under oath during our previous court brawls into question.
It all seems pretty damning in regard to her continued sole residential custody of our children. But, it also is complete hearsay. Sure, if I could get an attorney to take me on and present my case, they'd be able to get the police report from the arrest and my ex would be questioned under oath and be made to explain herself. And maybe the judge would declare shenanigans and I'd be able to have my kids here with me sometimes. But right this second, I have an arrest notice from the newspaper's police blotter and a lot of information of events that I wasn't a party to.
I want to have hope, I want to pick up the fight for my children where I left off, but I'm afraid no one will take the case because of the complete lack of any concrete evidence I can provide. Not to mention the fact that fighting my ex has always been a losing battle. She is a career victim, a constant martyr. Every single person in her life has, according to her, physically or emotionally abused her at some point in her life. Her parents, her grandparents, teachers, friends, exes, coworkers, peers, damn near every single person who has ever dared to get close to her has been accused of perpetrating some act of cruel and malicious treatment unto her poor, innocent self. This woman the most convincing hard luck case anyone has ever heard. You think you've had hard times in your life? Well, just wait until you hear about what happened to her. She is a dangerously skilled manipulator, a genius of passive-aggressive warfare, and to this day I've never been able to figure out if she's even consciously aware of it or if it's just some kind of instinctive behavior. It's like a fucking super power. And after all this time, after all the effort it took for me to pick up the pieces and build a new foundation for my life, I'm still afraid of her. Because I can't fight her and win. She almost swayed a judge once before, and where she lives now she's got a large chunk of the police and court personnel on her side because her father is a retired police officer.
I want to do this, for my children. But before I can allow myself a shred of hope, I need to have something solid and I don't know if what I have is enough. And if I wait for something more conclusive, one of my kids could get hurt the next time it happens. Is it enough right now? I have no idea.
I don't know what I should do.
So I've recently been made aware of information regarding my ex that could maybe affect the current ruling on the custody of our children. Possibly. As a refresher, my marriage ended when one of my kids was really pissed off at me and went to school and told a teacher that I had kicked him one morning before school. I wound up getting arrested, and my ex took that opportunity to ruin me and steal my children, and ran with it. It resulted in tons of needless courtroom drama and a bitter custody hearing where my ex accused me of a decade of physical and emotional abuse to her and our children (which occurred every single day, allegedly). Thankfully the judge wasn't a total idiot and didn't completely buy her "poor little victim" act, and I was able to retain my parental rights. However, my ex was granted sole residential custody. Oh, and a month before our divorce was finalized, my ex reunited with an old flame and they got pregnant and the next thing my kids know, some new parental figure is introduced into their lives (with a child from a previous marriage), and oh by the way, they were getting a new baby sibling.
A little over a week ago, my sister called me to let me know that my ex's husband had been arrested on a Battery charge. Try as I might, I couldn't find out any information aside from the arrest (it was in the local paper, and my ex moved back to where we used to live when we met, and my mother still lives there and saw it in the paper). But my fiancee saw that we might have an opportunity for me to get my kids back. If nothing else, for at least part of the year. Because if my ex was telling the truth 3 years ago, any reasonable person would think she'd be a bit more cautious in who she shares her life and the lives of our children with. Certainly not the kind of person who might wind up getting arrested for a physical attack on another person. It was a start, at least.
I kept trying to find out what I could, but my ex won't speak to anyone who speaks to me, for I am the unspeakably evil queen of all that is wrong in the universe. All I knew for certain was that none of my children were hurt, because my mother is a nurse and works at the hospital where they live, and knows all the doctors and nurses at the only clinic in town, which is also connected to the hospital. Beyond that, I knew nothing.
Tonight, my sister called my fiancee while I was at work. Turns out a cousin of my ex's husband works with my mother and they are friends and she told her everything (he's not well-liked by his own family). But, my sister was under strict orders from our mother to NOT tell me that information. I didn't ask my sister why that was demanded of her, but I will be calling my mother this weekend to have a little chat about priorities and information that pertains to my children.
My ex was the one who filed the Battery charge on her husband and had him arrested. But this time there was no one else to collaborate her claims, and he was released after 24 hours. Upon his release, he went back home. She let him come home. That is to say, a woman who was investigated by CPS and is still on their radar, allowed a man who she herself alleged charges of physical violence upon back into her home. The home where several children live. Even if the police didn't have anything that would stick, the people from CPS in my home state do NOT play around and will do their own investigation regardless of what the police and courts do. And it takes months. And she claimed this man caused physical harm to another person and then said, "Oh, well, that was yesterday. Come on home." Maybe it's just me, but that seems a little bit extremely fucking stupid. It also shows that my ex either has very poor judgment, or is a complete liar, which calls every statement she made under oath during our previous court brawls into question.
It all seems pretty damning in regard to her continued sole residential custody of our children. But, it also is complete hearsay. Sure, if I could get an attorney to take me on and present my case, they'd be able to get the police report from the arrest and my ex would be questioned under oath and be made to explain herself. And maybe the judge would declare shenanigans and I'd be able to have my kids here with me sometimes. But right this second, I have an arrest notice from the newspaper's police blotter and a lot of information of events that I wasn't a party to.
I want to have hope, I want to pick up the fight for my children where I left off, but I'm afraid no one will take the case because of the complete lack of any concrete evidence I can provide. Not to mention the fact that fighting my ex has always been a losing battle. She is a career victim, a constant martyr. Every single person in her life has, according to her, physically or emotionally abused her at some point in her life. Her parents, her grandparents, teachers, friends, exes, coworkers, peers, damn near every single person who has ever dared to get close to her has been accused of perpetrating some act of cruel and malicious treatment unto her poor, innocent self. This woman the most convincing hard luck case anyone has ever heard. You think you've had hard times in your life? Well, just wait until you hear about what happened to her. She is a dangerously skilled manipulator, a genius of passive-aggressive warfare, and to this day I've never been able to figure out if she's even consciously aware of it or if it's just some kind of instinctive behavior. It's like a fucking super power. And after all this time, after all the effort it took for me to pick up the pieces and build a new foundation for my life, I'm still afraid of her. Because I can't fight her and win. She almost swayed a judge once before, and where she lives now she's got a large chunk of the police and court personnel on her side because her father is a retired police officer.
I want to do this, for my children. But before I can allow myself a shred of hope, I need to have something solid and I don't know if what I have is enough. And if I wait for something more conclusive, one of my kids could get hurt the next time it happens. Is it enough right now? I have no idea.
I don't know what I should do.
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