My Imminent Divorce

[kaycivine]

ETA: I did as I described above. STBEH must have been watching his online banking, because half an hour after I withdrew the $3000 from the joint account, he was calling me to ask about it. I simply told him that was my portion of the savings account, and I was paying myself back. He gave a long, drawn out "oooookaaaaay..." I didn't say anything. I didn't want to explain any farther. If he was going to complain, I was going to let him. But after an awkward silence, he merely said "whatever" and asked me to pay the mortgage and other bills we'd talked about.

Got the sucker. And he couldn't raise a huge fuss like he wanted to. I have to admit I smiled a bit at reading this, at seeing him a bit foiled.

[Sarah Valentine]

Just read all of this, holy shit. Congratulations on getting out of out of a marriage with that asshole, also on taking the money he owed you and not letting him have his (as s_stabeler put it) revenge by keeping it. I agree with what others have said it looks like he used the excuse of being poly as an excuse to cheat, at least that's how I read it. Hopefully the divorce will be quick and there won't be more assholery from him.

[Aethian]

Ghel, your to good for him.

[Kara_CS]

I agree with what others have said it looks like he used the excuse of being poly as an excuse to cheat, at least that's how I read it.

Absolutely. A lot of people don't understand how cheating can exist in a poly relationship. A lot of cheaters try to dodge the bullet by saying they're poly and thinking that makes it okay.

[Ghel]

Thanks again for the support.

He's acting like a kid who just got his allowance. First thing he did was go to a vape store and get $200 worth of vaping supplies for his e-cig. Then he went and bought a used PS3 and a new hard drive for it at about $350. Here I am, scrimping and saving so I can get bills paid, and he's spending money on crap. I'm spending practically all my spare time trying to keep the house clean in case there's a showing, and he's spending his spare time playing video games.

[kaycivine]

Thanks again for the support.

He's acting like a kid who just got his allowance.

As irritating as this is, it can't be surprising anymore. And again, you really were wise to that 3000. I wonder what else he would have gotten instead of paying you back.

You are doing everything you can to be mature and responsible about something which leads overs into petty squabbles and fights. Let him ruin himself. When its all over, I'm sure Al and Ali won't be as welcoming when he is done being useful for funsies.

[SkullKing]

I guess it is official now, he is nto to be trusted and you need to see him as an adversary int he divorcing proceedings, other wise he will try to get everything he can.

Good luck Ghel.

Though I gotta ask, after living with him for so long, how surprised are you are with the "kid and allowance behaviour" was it expected?

[Ghel]

Though I gotta ask, after living with him for so long, how surprised are you are with the "kid and allowance behaviour" was it expected?

I shouldn't have been surprised. He's never been good at saving money, even when he had a good salary. I've always had to argue with him to get him to put money away in savings. But I had hoped that being unemployed, he would have saved as much of his retirement as possible to get it to last as long as possible. Stupid, I know.

His girlfriend was bragging on Facebook about how he was "spoiling" her.

And here I am, feeling guilty about wanting to go see Guardians of the Galaxy this weekend. I've been scrimping and saving trying to make ends meet, but since I don't have to pay the mortgage, I actually have some disposable income right now.

[patiokitty]

Go see it! Spoil yourself a little bit - you deserve it, Ghel. Besides, it's an awesome movie - I saw it last night

Ali will only brag as long as the money lasts, and then she'll kick him to the curb. I can see it now. This is going to blow up in his face, and you'll be able to stand back and laugh at him. Especially if he tries to come crawling back to you. Too bad, so sad, but he screwed everything up and tried to be an asshole to you, so he deserves everything to fall apart on him.

Hopefully it will not be too much longer that you'll be stuck having to deal with him. And my fingers are crossed that the house sells quickly so you no longer have to deal with that either.

[SkullKing]

"Ali will only brag as long as the money lasts, and then she'll kick him to the curb. I can see it now. "

specially if the relationship is seem as a "transaction". Especially since he can´t "pay" with Ghel

I actually felt dirty typing that, I hope that is not the case.

They were talking of a closed quad, maybe he finds a job and the three of them can be happy.

@Ghel, since he is that bad with money, do you think he was just not thinking about the bills(including what he owed to you), rather than actively trying to sabotage you?

Is he petty and vindictive,or just a bit dumb?

I still think he is a douche and you can´t trust him, but I would hate to ascribe malice when the cause is mere incompetence.

[Ghel]

I still think he is a douche and you can´t trust him, but I would hate to ascribe malice when the cause is mere incompetence.

The longer he goes without a job, the more I think he's incompetent. Or stupid, at least. After 2 1/2 months in Tennessee, if he hasn't got a job in his chosen field, he needs to take a job. Any job, just to have some income. He must have an enormous ego if he still thinks he's going to get the job he wants at the pay he wants.

I don't know what he's thinking any more.

[Kheldarson]

He's not. He's just reacting right now, I'm sure.

Karma will kick him soon. Then he'll think.

[Ghel]

AAAAARGH! He's such an insensitive fucking asshole! He just texted me to ask if I'm looking forward to seeing him when he gets here Thursday night.

[AmbrosiaWriter]

AAAAARGH! He's such an insensitive fucking asshole! He just texted me to ask if I'm looking forward to seeing him when he gets here Thursday night.

My response would probably be along the lines of, "Of course. It means all your clutter will be gone from the house soon!"

[Ghel]

Well, I ignored the question, at first. Then he asked again, so I told him the question was inconsiderate. (Literally. He didn't consider how it would make me feel before asking me.) He said I was inconsiderate for ignoring the question. (Asshole.) So I told him that no, I'm not looking forward to seeing him. He acted shocked. He even gave the martyring response of "I don't know what I've done to cause you to hate me."

I was talking this over with Mycha tonight, as well as my worries about my STBEH coming Thursday to get his stuff. I'm worried that it'll turn into a screaming match or I'll break down crying. I'm also worried that he'll try to convince me to talk things through. But I came up with this very meta way of explaining it. If he says, "I don't understand why we're breaking up," I'll just say, "that's why."

We're breaking up because he doesn't understand why we're breaking up.